


Focal Point

by nicofox



Category: Fear the Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Post-Canon, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon-Typical Violence, Character Death Fix, Eventual Smut, Fix-It, Fluff, I Write A Lot, M/M, Post Episode AU, Post-Canon, Post-Canon Fix-It, Post-Episode: s03e16, Post-Episode: s04e02, Post-Season/Series 03, Romance, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Slow Romance, Smut, There's a story here, please bear with me, post-episode AU, very slow build
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-12
Updated: 2019-04-18
Packaged: 2019-05-21 08:08:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 46,723
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14911622
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nicofox/pseuds/nicofox
Summary: A little over a year passed since that day at the dam and, for a while, Nick truly believed that he would feel like himself again eventually. But as the days dragged on, he slowly, but surely, lost all hope. He would have never guessed that meeting new people on the road as his group was on a mission for revenge, would have been the first step leading him to his happiness.(I'm basically filling in the gaps between s3 and s4, tying the plots and, well, fixing you-know-what).





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, everyone!
> 
> This is my first big, multi-chapter fanfiction (first in English, at least). I've been writing this for a few months now and I wasn't sure if I would ever really post it, but after Sunday's episode, I've been itching to just do it already and stop questioning myself.  
> English isn't my first language, so there might be a few mistakes here and there, please be patient with me. Also, feel free to correct me and/or leave any suggestions in the comments. Any criticism is welcomed and appreciated. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy this! xx

His whole life Nick had joked about being suicide proof, but maybe he was just lucky. That or God actually really hated him and wouldn’t let him off the hook that easily. Truth is, every time he prepared a fix, he wasn’t actively trying to kill himself, no. Heroin was more of a way for him to take his mind somewhere else, focus on something other than whatever mess was in his head. He wasn’t trying to kill himself, but he also didn’t care if it ended up happening.

His fingers gripped at the metal grid, brows furrowing with anguish as a lump slowly formed in his throat. The Zodiac disappeared rapidly along the running waters and Nick hoped, _prayed_ even, that they would make it – for Alicia, mainly, whom he had disappointed so many times, but loved so much and now hoped she’d be happy, no longer having to deal with his bullshit. For Strand, to whom Nick was once so close, the person who saved his life because he saw potential in the dirty junkie in old man’s clothing, spewing his guts on the floor. And even if he hated her now, he could never be like her and, well, she was his mother, so he hoped Madison would make it too. 

Maybe this was it. Maybe God would finally prove Nick wrong and let him die now. This _was_ his suicide note, after all.

His fingers slowly slipped off the holes on the metal grid and he turned around, looking at the chaos he was responsible for. He could hear screams and gunshots; he felt the ground shaking as he started to run; he knew exactly where to go. If the day he finally went kamikaze was indeed meant to be his last, he was certainly doing things on his own terms all the way through.

When he finally reached the second entrance, the one he had been looking for, he could feel the walls shaking around him – the water was coming his way and it was coming fast. He climbed the small ladder and then jumped inside. As soon as he saw what – or rather _who_ – he was looking for, the lump in his throat seemed to get even bigger. His eyes felt watery, the sight of Troy’s limp body just lying there finally allowing the realization that he was dead settle in Nick’s mind. 

He had had many regrets in his short life, but not jumping between his mother and Troy when she raised that hammer was certainly the biggest one now. All of Troy’s wrong doings in the past, none of them mattered now. Neither did Nick’s. All that mattered was that, even though he never got a chance to figure out exactly _why_ he cared what happened to Troy, the fact of the matter was that _he did care_.

When Troy had told Nick they were more alike than he thought – _“black sheep, children of violence”_ – he didn’t say anything. He already knew that, he knew they were alike. Maybe not in the exact ways Troy had mentioned, but Nick _knew_. They were both broken, screwed up, _screw-ups_ , a burden to everyone around them and even to themselves. But not to each other.

_“I don’t mind dying. Really, I don’t.” Troy said as he reloaded his gun, panting._

_His whole life he never minded dying either. When Troy said that, however, Nick realized that, in that moment, not only did he mind dying, he didn’t want to die. And he didn’t want Troy to die._

_“But it’s good to have company.” he gave a sly smile as he got up and ready to shoot again._

Those words had stuck with Nick since that day. Troy had spent his whole life on that ranch and, granted, their community was quite numerous. The reality of the situation, however, was that Troy had actually spent his whole life alone. And even if he couldn’t give the younger boy a cheeky smile and tease him about coming back because _“he loved him”_ , Nick just couldn’t let him die alone as well. 

From where he stood, he couldn’t see the injure, Troy’s light complexion still almost intact – except for the small bruises near his right eye, caused by the spoon, of course. If he tried hard enough, he could maybe pretend the youngest Otto was just asleep – his final moments still so fresh in Nick’s mind he swore he could see Troy’s cheeks still looking a little rosy. There was no time to play pretend; he had to move quickly.

He walked up to his friend’s lifeless body, fighting back tears. Nick hadn’t cried in a long time, but it appeared things were catching up to him now. He could feel the walls shaking even more now, the sound of the water getting louder and louder each second. He put both his arms under Troy’s armpits, locking his grip in front of the boy’s chest. Lifting him and clumsily dragging him up the small hill, then up the small ladder, he managed to get out of there just as the water started flowing inside the place violently. 

Nick kept dragging Troy’s body all the way back, heading to the pavement just outside of where the boy had been setting up the C-4 a while before with Madison. Watching through the small entrance as the water rapidly filled the place, Nick moved as fast as he could, but he could only do so much, walking backwards and carrying the other boy’s weight as well. 

When Nick reached the first entrance and planted his feet on the slightly higher step, readying himself to finally exit to the concrete path and bring Troy with him, he heard the thunderous sound of the water coming their way. That meant the bridge had probably collapsed by now. The water ran down its course behind Nick and now he had a choice to make. Either he’d jump into the flow of the water behind them and probably drown or he’d just let the water coming furiously from the other way crush them. 

He looked down where his hands were grasping Troy’s chest. He sighed and decided to take his chance on the stream behind them, rationalizing that it’d be much more peaceful to drown than to be crushed. And God knows he deserved a peaceful death. He jumped back, holding Troy’s body tightly against his, so he wouldn't lose grasp.

When the cold water hit them and took them down its violent pathway, Nick kept holding on to Troy with his right arm, but his left arm moved as to keep them above water. Survival instinct, he thought – and he would’ve laughed at the fact that he still had it, if the situation was the tiniest bit less stressful.

He tried his best to wrap his left arm around Troy again; his other one beginning to get tired and he worried that he wouldn’t be able to hold on much longer. He really believed the water would get less violent eventually, but it seems that he was wrong. So much for a peaceful death.

As he was almost reaching to put his left arm around Troy’s waist so he could have a tighter grip around the other boy, they went through another one of the tunnel exits, like the one where he had gone to rescue Troy. A rush of water came onto them, even more violent and furious than the flow of water they were already on. 

He got pushed further down the water. This was it. He tried to hold on as tight as he could, for as long as he could. Whatever happened to their bodies after, it wouldn’t matter, as long as they went together. Nick closed his eyes, he was almost calming himself, ready to go, letting his body relax as much as possible… Then he felt cold air hit his face again.

As an instinct, the boy gasped for air, but ended up swallowing water. The stream still violent, Nick now choked on the water and the one arm he still had around Troy was almost giving in, weakened. Nick tried his best to hold on, he did, but it was too much. 

As he watched Troy’s body escape from his grip, he fought back a sob, helpless. He tried to swim after him; he didn’t want to give up. He tried so hard, he did all that so that they’d go together and he couldn’t even do that right. _Screw-up_. Nick had no strength left in his body and now Troy’s figure slowly faded away, far away from his sight., down the water. 

He gave up. He gave up and he let go.

 

***

Nick opened his eyes to a bright blue sky and the warm sun on his skin. For a brief moment there, he thought he’d made it. He wasn’t suicide proof after all. But as he noticed he was actually in movement, he realized God would never be that kind to him.

He tried to get a sense of where he was without moving too much. The back of a truck, maybe? Well, definitely a vehicle, but who’s? And how? He tried to move his head slightly, as he wasn’t sure if anyone was able to see him and what kind of danger he could be in at the moment. 

“Nick? Nick, you awake?” He heard a familiar voice call to him, sounding frantic. 

He tried to lift his upper body, but the other person moved faster and was watching him from above in less than a second, an apprehensive look on her face.

“Nick? You okay? Hey, can you hear me?” He felt her cold palm softly touch his cheek as he looked into her worried eyes.

“I… I’m…” Nick tried to say, realizing his body felt much weaker than his mind. “I can hear you.”

“Thank God, Nick!” She said between quivering lips before burying her face in his chest and embracing his side with one arm. “I was so scared.”

Nick was slowly coming back to himself, like an old computer who takes a little too long to load properly after you push the power button. He raised his hand weakly, touching the girl’s arm as her muffled cry gradually became less desperate.

“Licia… What…” He started hoarsely and the girl finally lifted her face from his chest to look at him again, eyes now red and puffy from the tears, but filled with relief instead of fear and worry.

“Ssshh... It’s okay now. We’re okay.” She whispered.

“You made it.” He breathed between a weak smile. All he wished for when he pushed that button was that his sister would make it and, even though it was not his plan to be there to see it, there she was.

“You made it too.” She smiled softly “But don’t you ever pull another one of those on me, okay? I’m not ready to be mom’s favorite just yet.”

“Mom?” His eyes suddenly widened. 

“Yes. She’s the one who found you.” She explained. “Well, she found Victor first, and then me… And it took us a while searching, but then she found you. 

“She’s here?” 

“She’s asleep in the front seat. Victor’s driving.” 

Nick tried to lift his body to see, but he was definitely too weak to do that as easily as he thought he could. Alicia, noticing her brother’s struggle, helped him sit up and rest his back against the side of the truck’s bed. 

Victor looked at the boy and smiled, not a happy smile – there was a mix emotions in his face Nick couldn’t quite decipher – but it was a smile nonetheless. Nick tried his best to smile back, but the feeling of helplessness slowly taking over him wouldn’t allow him to. He really did wish for all of them to make it, but when he blew up that dam, not only did he do it to save them, but also because he couldn’t bear to live another day, especially if it meant being stuck with her – as he feared, deep in his mind, he’d always be, as long as he lived.

She was his mother, but the many ways in which she hurt him throughout the years most definitely outnumbered the ways in which she was good for him. He had always thought of her as a good mother, frequently cursing himself for making her go through so much pain, worrying about him as he ruined his life more and more every single day.

Ever since the day Alicia confronted him about Jeremiah’s death, however, he had begun to realize maybe things weren’t so black and white as he thought they were. “What a burden it is, being mom’s favorite” she said, after pointing out what killing had done to him. But it were the words she spoke before walking away the ones who really got him to see things clearly.

 _“We keep trying to make her love us. She’s broken.”_

And it’s not like he hadn’t seen that before, because he did. Throughout his life, he often noticed how sometimes his mother would say the words, but her eyes wouldn’t mean them. How he was so sure he couldn’t bare being in that house every time he ran away, but somehow always ended up right back into her arms. How she made him feel like he was incapable of thinking for himself and being his own person, like there was no way for him to be in this world without her there to take care of him.

How she told the story of killing her own father as a child with an apathetic expression in her face, never flinching, never stuttering. How she justified killing anyone who got in her way – how she justified killing _Troy_ – saying it was the world they lived in and she got to make that call. 

***

An hour or two had gone by when Madison finally opened her eyes. She woke up startled, not remembering how or when she had fallen asleep, and immediately turned around to check on her children. Before she could even open her mouth to ask Alicia how Nick was, she saw the two of them sitting on the bed of the truck, both asleep, Nick’s head resting on Alicia’s shoulder.

“She gave him some water already. And what was left on that box of crackers we found in the back.” Victor started, anticipating Madison’s questions. 

“How is he?”

“He seems to be doing fine. They talked for a while before falling asleep. He looked troubled.” He added and Madison turned to look at him. “He’s probably just tired and, of course, a little shaken. But he is going to be okay, Madison. Don’t worry.” 

“He got away from me one too many times, Victor. I can’t lose him again.”

“You won’t.” He reassured her, glancing at the siblings through the rearview mirror, the two of them sleeping peacefully.

***

The warm sunlight Nick had woken up to earlier had now been replaced by the dark blue tones of the early hours of the night. He slowly opened his eyes as he heard the sound of the car door closing. They had stopped. He lifted his head from his sister’s shoulders, blinking a few times, trying to get the sleep off his eyes. 

“Just in time.” Alicia muttered between a playful smile.

“Where are we?”

“Not sure. We’ve been driving for a while, searching for shelter for the night. Look.” She pointed to a small shack by the side of the road. “Come on, I’ll help you up.”

Alicia linked arms with her brother, so delicately it felt like he was made out of glass and she was afraid to break him. He was tired, of course, and his body hurt like a motherfucker, but he was okay for the most part. He wasn’t that fragile. 

The two of them stood up, then making their way to jump out of the back of the truck. Alicia jumped first, and then held out her hand to help her brother. He took her hand and jumped easily, despite the pain.

“Alicia, does he need help? You need help, Nick?” As soon as he heard Madison’s voice coming from behind him, his body suddenly went stiff. 

Nick closed his eyes for a second and sighed. Not even glancing at his mother, he walked straight towards the cabin, where Victor seemed to be setting things up for them to spend the night.

“You seem better than I would expect, Nick.” Victor pointed out with a grin, as he saw Nick heading towards him. “Not many people survive an explosion like that and get to walk off as if nothing happened.” 

For a moment there, it seemed like Nick was either actively ignoring Victor or had simply gone deaf. His face remained the same, a mix of anguish and hostility. The older man looked at Madison across the road, who seemed just as confused as he was. When he looked at Alicia, however, she was looking down, not returning his gaze. She knew something.

“Where are we headed?” Nick finally asked, in a quiet but firm tone. 

“I… I’m not sure. We were just trying to get as far away as possible from there. We’ll probably have to think about where we want to go, where we’ll start over.” Strand replied, still confused by the boy’s demeanor. Madison and Alicia had approached them by now.

“Well, I’m heading my own way in the morning, but thank you, Strand. For everything.” Nick spoke sincerely. In no way Strand had anything to do with his decision, but Nick just had to get away from there. The man nodded in response.

“Nick…” Alicia’s voice started quietly.

“What? Headed where?” Madison barked. “I thought I lost you back there! You’re not leaving me again, Nick!”

Nick turned around to look at her, his expression serious, but his eyes filled with anger and resentment. He couldn’t believe her. She really thought everything was okay between them all of a sudden. She did save him, yes, but he didn’t ask to be saved and, if anything, her actions were the reason why he wanted out at that moment.

 _"You’re_ the reason I’m leaving. If I didn’t get to go the way I wanted to, I’m not spending my days with a _murderer_.” Nick acknowledged in a bitter tone, moving past her and towards the car. “I’ll sleep in the trunk.”

“ _A murderer?_ ” Madison was taken aback. “We’ve all got blood on our hands, Nick. You don't get to call me that!”

Nick stopped dead in his tracks. There was nothing funny happening, but he couldn’t help a small laugh from escaping his lips. He turned back to look at her, rage taking over him.

“Yes, we’ve all got blood on our hands, _mom_ But most of us aren’t happy about it. Most of us regret it. Most of us spend their days wishing they could undo those things. Most of us don’t try to justify our sick mistakes by saying it’s ‘the world we live in’.” He snapped back. “But you’re not most people, are you? You’re _proud_ of the blood you shed.”

Madison stared at her son, speechless. 

“Is this about Troy?” She asked after a moment, her face blank, astounded by her son’s words and the way his body trembled angrily.

Nick lowered his head and sighed.

“Oh god… It is, isn’t it? We talked about this, Nick!” She added, an impatient look on her face, like she was talking about not allowing her son to go to the mall with his friends rather than about killing someone. “He had it coming, Nick, he took everything from us!”

“ _He_ took everything from us?” Nick fumed. “He lived his whole life on that ranch and they were all fine! The minute _the Clarks_ arrive, shit hits the fan.” He walked towards her. "What exactly did he take from us, mom? Because _we_ took his father, _we_ took his home… You’re unbelievable! You _used_ him; you _manipulated_ him and the whole ranch to do things _your way_. But the minute he wasn’t useful anymore, the minute he stepped an inch out of the line he had to walk to fit _your_ plan, you killed him.” He was just inches away from her, his eyes filled with hatred. “ _You don’t get to make that choice._ ”

Nick turned his back to them again, walking towards the truck. Alicia sighed and went after him. She couldn’t really understand the way he felt, she couldn’t see how things came to be the way they were now. She had noticed, a long time ago, that Nick felt a certain way about a certain someone. She couldn’t even begin to fathom how that happened, but she also noticed Nick himself hadn’t figured out his feelings quite well enough by the time she started to see what was happening.

She wasn’t sure if he had everything clear in his mind by now, but he was visibly broken inside – quite possibly more than he was before, something she never imagined to be possible. All she knew was that, yes, he was angry because their mom was a killer and he simply couldn’t abide by that. But more than that, he was angry because of _who_ she killed. 

The fact of the matter was that, even through all of his faults, she loved her brother, and that’s why she couldn’t just let him leave and be alone right now. He was self-destructive enough on his best days, him being by himself right now couldn’t possibly lead to positive outcome. It was already dangerous enough before the end of the world, she just refused to let him be by himself now and risk losing him for good.

“Nick…” She touched his shoulder, as he stood by the truck, looking at the ground and trying to calm himself down.

“Don’t even try to tell me I should forgive her or try to understand… It’s not gonna happen, Licia.” His voice quivered, but he didn’t move.

“I’m not.” Alicia walked around as to face him, then putting her hand on his shoulder again. “I’m not gonna ask you to understand, because there’s no understanding that. And I’m definitely not gonna ask you to forgive.”

Nick lifted his head, staring at his sister with a puzzled expression, not understanding where she was going with this.

“I’m just gonna ask you to stay.”

“I can’t, I…”

“Not for her, Nick. For me.” She looked at him through teary eyes. “I know you probably heard me tell you I hate you much more than you heard me tell you I love you. _But I do_ , Nick. As big of a pain in the ass as you are” she smiled when he laughed softly at that “you’re still my brother. My _only_ brother.”

“Licia…”

“You have no idea how many times I thought I lost you throughout the years. Every time the phone rang, I felt like crying because I kept thinking that was it.” Her voice frail. “And when I saw you were okay, I always acted angry because I was so mad at you for not seeing how much I cared, how much I worried. How much I needed my big brother around.”

She sighed and took Nick’s hand.

“But now I’m telling you. I care, I worry... And I need you around.” She squeezed his hand as she noticed his eyes were now watery too. “You don’t even have to look at her, but please, _please_ stay. For me.”

Nick tried his best to say no, all the anger he felt at his mom and the fear of falling into her traps again growing every second. But as he saw his sister, the only person he still had in this world, crying and begging him to stay, he realized he couldn’t walk away from her now. 

Without saying a word, he wrapped his arms around her shoulders and held her tightly. He could feel her tears soaking his shirt where her face was buried and, even though he was scared of doing it, scared of staying, he knew he made the right choice. She was all he had now and if she needed him, he would be there.


	2. Please Don't

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, everyone! Here I am with the second chapter. As I always say, English is not my first language, so there might be a few mistakes here and there, please bear with me and feel free to correct me or make any suggestions in the comments.
> 
> Hope you enjoy this! xx

**_One year later_ **

“Changed your mind?” Luciana glanced at Nick as he approached the car where the group was getting ready to go out.

“No” He said in a monotone. “That kid needs a new book. Think you could find her one while you’re out there?”

“Well, you should come and help me look.” The girl said nonchalantly as she put some things inside the car.

“Well, I’ve got a turnip situation.” Nick sighed.

“Don’t you get bored in here?” Luciana turned to face Nick, standing between him and the open car door. 

“I do, yeah. It’s great.” He answered, nodding his head.

“Uh, it is.” Alicia rolled her eyes playfully as she walked towards them, opening the door to the backseat of the car. “You wanna just stare at a wall later?”

“Deal.” Nick replied jokingly as his sister got inside the vehicle. “I’ll bring the jicama. Can you make sure she comes back this time?” He pointed at Luciana, who stared at him with a grin on her face.

“You’re never gonna let that go, huh?” She asked playfully, her hand fixing Nick’s shirt collar. 

“Eventually I might.” Nick said looking down with a slight smile, his hand reaching to the car door, as Luciana sat on the passenger seat. “Be careful!” 

Madison started the car and the group was soon heading out through the makeshift front gate of the Diamond, the stadium they now called home. They were going on a supply run. They hadn’t felt the need to go on one for a long time, as they had been living well off of their own produce for months now. Lately, however, the crops were dying for some reason and they were dangerously running out of food. 

The smile on Nick’s lips slowly faded away as the boy watched them drive away to their mission. He was thankful that they would spend most of the day out, as this was a date he wanted to spend alone. Taking off the faded red hat he wore, Nick ran his fingers through his hair, sighing. He turned around to look at his crops, dying slowly each day along with his hopes. Stubborn as ever, though, he hadn’t given up just yet, so he walked towards the tool shed and got ready for a day of hard work.

Nick spent the day so focused on the intricate labor he had set himself to do, he only realized most of the day had gone by when he noticed the orange and pink tones in the sky. He furrowed his brows, breathless as he looked around the stadium searching for the car they had used for the supply run that morning. When he saw it parked near the gate, he sighed. Relief that they made it back safely, obviously, but there was a hint of disappointment – and maybe annoyance? – in his reaction as well.

Taking the shovel back to the tool shed, Nick was more than ready to just end this day. He made his way back to the living area, his whole body aching and in desperate need of a shower. As he entered the corridor that lead to his room, he saw Luciana, leaning on the doorframe, talking to his mother. He sighed heavily and rolled his eyes. He was not in the mood for what was to come, especially not today of all days. 

“Hey, Nick.” Madison started quietly, as she noticed her son coming their way. “How was your day?”

“Fine.” Nick replied sternly between gritted teeth, pushing past her and then Luciana, not even bothering to look at their faces. 

He could hear them whispering as he made his way further inside the rather large bedroom, going over to the improvised dresser – a file cabinet they now used to store their clothes – to pick out what to wear after he showered. He did his best to ignore their conversation, but the few words he heard confirmed his fears. He headed to the bathroom, praying he could get in the shower quickly and get away from that talk.

“Nick.” _Too late_ , he thought as he heard Luciana call his name while closing the door.

“I’m not having this conversation again, Luci.” He stated firmly, making the annoyance in his tone as clear as possible, as he went inside the bathroom.

“Then just listen to me, _sí_?”He heard her coming closer. “You have to talk to her, Nick.” She pleaded, looking at him.

“I talk to her. I just did.” He shrugged, avoiding eye contact as he sorted out what to take with him to the shower stall. 

“ _Ay_ , you know what I mean, Nick. Let her in.” The girl leaned on the doorframe. “You’ve punished her long enough.”

“I’m not _punishing_ her.” He turned to face her. “I’m preserving myself.” 

“She’s your mother.” She insisted.

“She’s a killer.” He replied sternly. 

“Nick…”

“This is my decision to make, not yours.” He interrupted her. “If you’re not comfortable with it, fine, you don’t have to be. Just stay out of it, okay?”

“Yes, maybe I should stay out of it.” She held his angry gaze for a second. “Maybe I should just stay in my room from now on too.” She threatened. 

“Yeah, well, maybe you should.” Nick put his hand on the door and, before he could say anything else, Luciana walked away angrily, then leaving the room.

He didn’t really have the time, the patience or even the will to deal with this kind of talk, especially not today. After closing the door, he slid inside the stall, turning the shower on. As the first drops came pouring down his hair first, he lifted his face a little and closed his eyes, taking in the sensation of the water slowly dripping down his sides and becoming warm enough for him to feel his muscles beginning to relax.

He buried himself in manual labor the whole day, his best attempt to prevent his mind from wandering into dangerous territory. His sole distraction now being the sound the old pipes made every other minute, he knew he wouldn’t be able to avoid this much longer. 

Ever since the first time he used, he knew he wasn’t the type of person who would get to make plans for the future. His life was a wreck, to put it lightly, and he never really wanted to have a future in the first place. When he agreed to not leave Alicia, though, he really did think he wouldn’t last long anyways, so he might as well be there for here, if she really needed him. But there he was.

They hadn’t been on the stadium for too long now. Five months at most. But things had been getting more unbearable by the day. It took them a while to find the Diamond, the previous months being a constant struggle with them always jumping from one place to another, never staying longer than four weeks on the same location. 

As exhausting as that was, the imminent dangers of that life were actually a good distraction for Nick, keeping him busy enough to make it quite easy to avoid dealing with the situation between him and his mother. At the Diamond, however, things were quiet, peaceful almost, and his mother, well… She was very persistent. 

Luciana was in the Diamond already when they got there. Most of her friends from Mexicali already dead when she went looking for them. The small group that survived, however, had heard about this place in Texas “from a friend of a friend who knew this guy whose cousin was the one to turn the stadium into this community of survivors” – that kind of story. Having nothing to lose besides time – and since there are no appointments in the apocalypse – they decided to give it a shot. And lucky them, it was real. Therefore, they stayed and now called the place home.

It did take a while at first, little over a month maybe, but it was quite easy to fall back into this weird thing him and Luciana had. He always cared about her, that much was true. No matter what, she’d always be someone he held dear. Since she sneaked out on him without a word goodbye that night on the Ranch, however, he realized what they had didn’t really have much meaning. The thought of going after her never really crossed his mind. It was more about two attractive people, somewhat close in age, being available and bored whenever they weren’t sticking knifes into an undead’s skull. At least for him, that was.

Nick had never been truly happy. He did have moments of happiness, sure, but he never was happy. These last months, however, felt heavier than any other time in his life. Not only he wasn’t happy, he felt mostly numb, like life was just passing him by. 

He sighed as he shut off the shower and reached to grab the towel he had placed on the counter next to the stall. He softly pressed the fabric against his face for a second, taking a deep breath before continuing to dry himself. 

As he stepped out of the bathroom after putting his clothes on, he messily rubbed the towel on his damp hair. He walked towards his bed, sitting on the edge of the mattress and wrapping the towel around his neck. He picked up the pair of shoes next to him and put them on. He looked around the room for a moment; trying his best to focus on anything other than the calendar on the wall, even if he was the one to hang it there. Someone knocked on his door and he let out a breath he wasn’t aware he’d been holding.

“Come in.” Nick called before the door was slightly ajar and a head peaked inside the room. Alicia. “Hey.”

“Hey.” She mumbled as she entered the room and closed the door behind her. “Everything okay? Luci told me you had a fight.”

“Eh.” Nick shrugged as his sister sat by his side. “I’m just tired of her constantly trying to get me to act like everything is sunshine and rainbows between me and mom.”

“I see…” The girl acknowledged quietly, staring at the ground. “Is that all? Apart from that, are you okay?” She inquired, turning to face her brother, who returned her gaze with a puzzled expression.

“Why wouldn’t I be?” He answered with a sad smile.

“I know you, Nick.” Alicia added firmly. “Do you think I don’t know why you’re like this?” 

The boy sighed heavily, slouching and turning his gaze away from his sister and back at the wall. He knew she cared, but he didn’t know she was that perceptive.

“It’s been a year.” Nick murmured, not taking his eyes off the numbers crossed on that calendar.

“Has it?” She asked with her eyebrows raised in shock. “You’ve been… counting?” Alicia asked, her heart heavy at the thought of her brother living everyday with that memory.

“Yeah, I mean… I’m not sure if the dates are exactly right, but yeah… It’s been a year. Today. I counted. Pathetic, right?” He scoffed and turned to face her. “I’m not sure why, though. I just felt like I had to.”

“It’s not pathetic, Nick.” Alicia looked at him, her brows slightly furrowed. “There’s no expiration date for this kind of stuff, like you suddenly stop caring about it after 6 months or whatever. I just…” She took her brother’s hand. “I just wish you’d come to me. Even if you don’t wanna talk about it, I… I just wanna be there for you.”

“I’m just exhausted…” Nick said through watery eyes, looking away from Alicia as he felt the first tear starting to roll down his cheek. “I didn’t know I’d feel like this. And for this long. And we never got to…” He shut his eyes for a second, trying his hardest to stop more tears from coming.

Alicia reached her hand to his cheek to dry the next tear with her thumb, his first instinct being to jerk away. When he looked back at her, however, he just let her. He sighed heavily.

“And I’m never gonna be able to forgive her. I know that much.” He looked at her now, swallowing dry. “But she’s my mom. And I don’t think I can keep nurturing all this anger and resentment for much longer.”

“You don’t have to forgive her, Nick.” She dried another one of his tears with the sleeve of her jacket, then wrapped her arm around him, as he buried his face in her neck. “But if it’s hurting you so much, maybe just let her back in slowly. Make it clear that it’s not forgiveness, but something like… a truce.”

For a while, neither of them said anything, they just stayed there. Alicia stroked Nick’s hair softly, her chin resting on his head. He’d never been one to share his feelings, so talking to her about it the first time was already hard enough, so he avoided doing it again, keeping to himself. She wasn’t sure how to actively help, but just having her there, comforting him the way she could, meant the absolute world to Nick, even if he didn’t say it.

Suddenly, loud noises could be heard from outside and a few lights came through the shades on the window. Both of them jolted up and looked at each other with concern before running outside to see what was happening. As they approached the entrance to the stadium, they saw Victor and a few others quickly getting inside, before catching a glimpse of a number of trucks driving around the parking lot outside.

“Lock the gate.” Alicia quickly tells Victor as she comes to a stop. 

“Who the hell is that?” One of the men who were outside asks, out of breath, and all of them share a worried look between each other.

“Get to the armory. Bring everything.” Alicia requests firmly, turning to Victor, who nods and leaves along with some of the other men.

Alicia and Nick ran to the watchtower, as to see what was happening outside. Charlie, the only kid in the stadium, someone Nick had taken a liking to the past few months, went along with them. Other residents rapidly gathered near the entrance, sharing worried looks, some of them carrying guns. Through a small window on the gate, a few of them were able to see what was happening outside.

Five trucks and three cars circled around the parking lot in front of the stadium, coming to a stop after a while, but keeping the headlights on. Then, a blue vintage car came through two of the trucks and stopped a few feet ahead of all the other vehicles. A number of infected were slowly heading towards the group, mainly the driver of the blue car, who got out of the vehicle, a smug look on his face, and took a bicycle out of the trunk. 

Not a single person inside the Diamond was left unfazed as the man outside hopped on the bicycle and pressed play on a small radio attached to it, loud classical music coming from it as he rode around the parking lot. All the undead roaming around, as expected, followed the man when he rode straight inside the back of a huge truck. As the last few of the infected got inside, the door to the driver’s seat opened and the man jumped out, a huge piece of fabric and a can of spray-paint in hand. 

After approaching the now closed back of the truck again, he hang the fabric as high as he could on the outside wall and painted the number 12 on it. On the other side of the lot, a younger man hopped out of one of the trucks, looking even more pretentious than the other one, and set up a folding beach chair and a cooler on the ground. The people inside the stadium looked at each other, confused and anxious, as he sat down on the chair and cracked open a beer, seemingly waiting for someone to come outside to talk. 

As the gate opened slowly, Nick, Alicia and Charlie hurried down from the watchtower and stood with the other residents, nervously awaiting for whatever would come next. Madison stepped out of the stadium and, with a confident look on her face, walked straight to the man drinking beer. For a moment, they exchanged a few words no one else besides the two could hear from that far.

“Come here, kiddo!” A voice yelled and Charlie stepped out from behind Nick, glancing at him before exiting the stadium and running towards the man getting up from the folding chair and smiling at her. “Hey! Come here!” 

Nick looked at the scene, a mix of confusion, disbelief and sadness in his face as he slowly realized the child he had been trying to protect and care for, had actually betrayed him and everyone in the Diamond. The man kneeled before Charlie, putting his hands on her arms and talking to her, after standing up and motioning for the girl to get inside the bus near them.

Madison and the man talked for a few more minutes, which made everyone increasingly anxious as to what the content of the conversation was. After a while, Madison started walking back to the stadium, a defeated look on her face in a way Nick hadn’t seen for quite a long time.

“You just haven’t been tested yet!” The man yelled and Madison stopped before turning to look at him once more. “But you’re about to be.” She walked away again. “If you change your mind, we’ll be out here waiting.”

For a second, even if no one understood exactly what had happened or had any idea what would happen in the next few minutes – or days, or weeks, or months – they couldn’t help but hold their breaths in fear and worry. As Madison finally got back inside, two of the men closing it as fast as they could.

“What was that? What test? Waiting for what?” Nick ran to her; anger and fear plastered on his face. The first time he saw his mother in actual danger in a year, making him leave aside, even if just for a second, his resentment, replacing it with worry.

“He, uhm…” Madison looked at Nick, slightly startled at his sudden concern, but glad nonetheless. “He knows our crops are dying, well… Charlie did it.” She explained. “He knows everything about this place, about us. He knows how many of us are here, how much food we have left… He knows how many guns we have. And he wants them.”

“No way. Not gonna happen.” Alicia barged in.

“Obviously.” Nick agreed. “But what was that about changing your mind? Change your mind about what?” 

“He said we could just hand them the guns and leave and they wouldn’t harm anyone. Or we could even join them.” She looked down for a second and then back at them. “Then I said we wouldn’t leave and that he’d have to go through me to harm anyone. Specially you two.” Madison glanced between her children.

“Well, we’re not leaving. This place is ours.” Alicia added.

“And he isn’t harming _anyone_.” Nick looked reassuringly at his mother, a small smile forming on the corner of his lips.

Not long ago, he wouldn’t have even entertained the possibility of having a friendly interaction with her. But truth be told, he was tired. He was exhausted. Nurturing all this hatred and resentment inside of him was killing him slowly, specially seeing her every day, looking at him with sad eyes as she made constant attempts to get back into his life. He could never be sure if her sadness was genuine, that was obvious when it came to his mom, but he knew that his, was. 

Seeing her in actual danger just after having the talk he had with his sister, made Nick realize that he’d rather resent his mother with her alive and well, than have her die. As he said and acknowledged many times before, to himself and to others, he wasn’t like her. Bloodshed and death weren’t things he took lightly, they never would be – at least when it came to the living.

He had his mind set on one thing and that would never change: _That wasn’t forgiveness_. He would most likely never be able to forgive her. That was a _truce_. He just needed peace of mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed this! We're finally picking up on the 4th season timeline. It's gonna take a little while because I'm filling in the gaps and taking them on a different journey (as I started writing this around the time 4x02 aired, so things are going to be very different from the current canon), but I hope you stick around for the ride. Things _are_ going to change.
> 
> Edit: This chapter's title is inspired by the song Plase Don't by mxmtoon.
> 
> Next chapter will be up soon! xx


	3. Start A Riot

_**Nine weeks later** _

Never, in a million years, would Nick have guessed he’d be in a situation like this. He wasn’t happy before, sure, but his life had spiraled out of control in a way he’d never thought possible, specially not in such a short period of time. Of course, it was the end of the world, but doing what they were doing now… 

How ironic, he thought, that even after he swore to himself he’d never do anything like this ever again, there he was… And once more, for his mother. It seemed like the whole year he spent doing his utmost to stay away from her as to preserve himself, had been for nothing. He was right back where he began.

His mother… The people at the stadium... Everyone was dead. And now they were taking hostages? He knew they’d never really shoot these people, but after what he had done to Jeremiah, just pointing a gun at them to get information felt wrong. It was so out of character, Nick felt like he was watching himself as if from above. As if all of this was nothing but a dream.

Unfortunately, the whole situation was very real. 

He finished searching the bag he assumed to belong to the tall guy, as he said “help yourself” as soon as Nick opened it. Nothing. There was only one bag left and he was certainly running out of hope, but tried his best not to let it to show. As he pulled the next bag closer, the shorthaired woman tried to stop him.

“Leave that one be!” She yelled, trying to get up from her knees, but got held back by Alicia.

Nick exchanged a look with his sister and then Strand, who stood behind their three hostages, holding his machine gun. Maybe they’d hit jackpot. As he opened the bag and pulled the only item inside of it, he was confused.

“A camera?” Nick looked at the woman, a big question mark on his face.

“Just don’t break it. Please.” She pleaded, doing her best not to sound weak, but it was clear that the item was important to her.

“I’m not gonna break it.” Nick declared, while fumbling with the device, opening the viewfinder and turning the device on. “For what?” He glanced at her quickly before turning back to the video that started playing. 

In the video, the third hostage they had – an older, bald man, a frown on his face and a limp on his walk – looked into the camera and spoke about something Nick didn’t bother paying much attention to, as the woman began to speak over it.

“I’m a journalist.” She explains, sighing. “Ever since the world went to shit, I’ve been using it to tell stories.”

“Stories?” Strand questioned, intrigued, causing the woman to turn to him. "What stories?"

“People’s stories. Whichever they are.” 

“Why?” The man furrowed his brows, skeptic. 

“We don’t know how all this ends.” The woman spoke calmly. “The story might be the only thing that’s left.”

“Then who cares?” He shrugged, mockingly. “There won’t be anyone around to watch it.”

“Doesn’t matter.” She shrugged as well. “Just matters that it’s captured.”

Before anyone else could say anything, Luciana came from around the other side of the truck parked besides the group – the truck that belonged to their now hostages. She had a large piece of fabric in her hands and an angry look on her face.

“You’re with them!” She stood beside Alicia, in front of the kneeled trio of hostages, and held the fabric up, the number 51 spray-painted on it. Strand, Alicia and Nick exchanged looks, while Luciana kept staring at the journalist, defiantly. 

“With who?” The woman asked in clear confusion.

“The Vultures.” Strand answered sternly. 

“I don’t know what that means.” She turned back to Strand, her eyebrows furrowed. “Maybe if you assholes put your guns down, we could help each other.” She looked back towards Nick. “Who put that flag up? What did they do to you?”

“How about you answer our questions?” Alicia interrupted before the woman could say anything else. “That flag isn’t yours?” To which the woman shook her head no. “Alright, then show us where you found it.”

For what seemed like an eternity, everyone inside the truck remained silent. They couldn’t have been on the road for more than two or three hours, but Nick’s restlessness only grew as the time passed. He rose from his seat and looked out the tiny, dirty window, not actively looking for anything, just as a distraction. The environment and the situation were, undeniably, a cause of great discomfort, but it was the silence that truly bothered Nick, as it allowed his mind to wander down dangerous paths.

“You’re going through something there.” Nick heard the journalist remark. “I mean, you gotta be, right?” He turned to face her, a petty smile forming on her lips. “You took my van. You looking for some people? What did they do to you?”

Nick turned around and went back to his seat, not taking his suspicious gaze off the woman who was clearly doing her utmost to provoke him. 

“He’s not talking.” The older man interrupted before Nick could say anything in response, as it seemed the situation was about to escalate. “So maybe we could leave it be, huh?” His look shifted from the young man to the woman.

“Look, I’m really just trying to help.” She insisted. “We’re all breathing here… Means we’re on the same team.”

Nick narrowed his eyes and stared at her for a second. The old him would’ve trusted the woman in a matter of seconds, as her words seemed genuine, despite her having every reason not to actually want to help them. The old Nick was much more trusting, or even maybe naive, than the one who sat on that truck at that moment. 

He blamed this on himself, if he was being honest, as the world didn’t seem so dark and ugly back then. Even with his drug addiction, the not-so-great family dynamic… even with the goddamn apocalypse, Nick was still open to trusting and believing in people. But he had changed. Everyone has a trigger, it seemed. 

The boy stood up again, making his way to Luciana behind the wheel, and Victor, on the passenger seat.

“Where _is_ this turn off?” He asked Strand, noticing a troubled and confused look on his friend’s face.

“We should’ve reached it by now.” The man replied, frowning.

“Did she tell us the right way?” Luciana asked defiantly, looking at the journalist through the rearview mirror.

“Yeah, I did…” She answered, looking down. “Just not all of it.” Nick quickly turned around to face her, his expression a mix between annoyance and impatience.

“I don’t think you understand the situation here.” The young man barked, irritated. 

“Al, it’s not worth it.” The other hostage talked for only the second time since they first encountered them, a thick southern accent coming out.

“No, this is gonna go our way.” The woman declared firmly, looking from her friend to Nick. “You have something I want. _Your story._ And I have something you want: where I found that flag.” 

Nick remained silent for a moment, looking over to Alicia, as if searching for a silent answer on her expression. The girl looked back at him, but her eyes gave away the fact that she was just as lost. 

“Look, there’s no need for all of _this._ ” The woman started again, pointing at her and her friends with her head. “Putting us in cuffs, threatening us… _You’re_ the ones on a mission.” She shrugged. “And it’s not like we have other plans…” 

“What is _that_ supposed to mean?” Alicia asked looking at the woman, one eyebrow raised.

“It means we can help.” She quickly glanced between the two men sitting beside her. “Well, at least I can.”

“You’re willing to _help_? Just like that?” Strand turns to her, skeptic.

“Just like that.” She smiled. “Well, in exchange for one thing, actually… Your story.”

“Our story?” Alicia asked, somewhat mockingly. “Really?” 

“Well, you have your mission, I have mine.” The woman explained, shrugging. “So, do we have a deal?”

Nick, Alicia and Strand exchanged looks. Luciana stayed focused on the road, as she trusted the trio to make the right decision. Nick was clearly the one most open to trusting the woman, the other two slightly still reluctant, specially the older man. Victor had never been one to trust people that easily, so it didn’t come as shock that he was against the idea. He shrugged and went back to staring at the road, leaving the decision up to the pair of siblings, as the mission was about their mother, so they had the right to make the call – also because he knew that, outside of the Abigail, he never really held much authority over those two.

“We do.” Alicia finally answered in a serious tone, standing up from her seat to release the woman’s wrists, as she sighed in relief. 

“What about them?” Nick questioned, pointing his head towards the two men, still cuffed. 

“I vouch for them.” The journalist declared. “If they want to stick around, that is. Otherwise, you should just let them go. I found the flag before I found them, so they don’t know anything about it.”

Nick and Alicia turned their gaze to the two men sitting in front of them, waiting for either of them to say something. If the only one they needed was, indeed, the journalist, unless the other two felt like sticking around to help – which honestly would seem too good to be true – there was no need for them to be held hostages – Nick hated that word – so they should just be free to leave. 

“I don’t mean to sound ungrateful, Al.” The man with the thick southern accent started, looking at the woman sitting beside him. “But you know I got a mission of my own. I gotta find my Laura. If they letting me leave, I’m leaving.”

“If they _are_ letting us leave, I’m leaving too.” The older man sitting on the other side of her stated. “I’m not gonna get involved in other people’s problems. I left the place I was because of that.” 

“Well, there you have it. I guess it’s just us.” The journalist concluded, resting her hands on her thighs as she looked at the siblings.

After stopping the truck to leave the two man behind, silence took over once more. Everyone was expecting the woman to ask about their story as soon as they closed the backdoor of the vehicle, as she was clearly pretty persistent, having talked about “wanting their story” more than a few times even if they had just met. But since she hadn’t yet, they kept silent in hopes that she wouldn’t.

“It looks like I’m gonna have to start, huh?” The woman finally said something, gathering confused looks from everyone in the truck who wasn’t behind the wheel. “None of you look like you’re in the mood for a conversation, but you _did_ promise me your story, so we’re gonna have to talk at some point.” She turned to Nick. “So if you can give me my camera back…”

“Hold on a second there, _Al_.” Alicia interrupted. “We promised you our story…”

“It’s Althea.” The woman cut her off.

“Ok, _Althea._ Alicia smiled cynically. “As I was saying, we promised to tell our story, but _you_ promised to show us the way to where you found the flag and, so far, we don’t even know if we’re close, so…”

“Fair enough.” Althea nodded her head in agreement. “We’re not _that_ close, to be honest. This has been sitting in the back of the van for a few days now, so it might take us a while to get there. Look…"

As Althea stood up from her seat to get in between Luciana and Strand on the front seat and explain the way they should be heading, Nick stared out the window in front of him, above the seat where Althea had been before. He got lost in his trail of thought for a while, his mind not completely at ease. They weren’t sure what they’d encounter wherever it was the woman was leading them to, but at least they had a destination and a clue now.

He noticed Althea sitting in front of Alicia and he noticed the two of them starting what seemed like a rather amicable conversation. There wasn’t enough time for him to focus on whatever subject it was they started talking about, as the tiniest amount of ease from having a solid clue allowed him to close his eyes and rest for a second, actually making him fall asleep for a couple of hours.

“Nick…” The boy heard his sister call as he slowly opened his eyes. “Let’s go.”

“We’re there?” He sat up, startled.

“No, not yet. It’s actually still a bit far from where we were.” Alicia explained as she picked up the bag sitting besides her brother. “It’s dark. We decided to rest for the night and we’ll get back on the road first thing in the morning. Come on.”

After setting up camp on the side of the road, as near the truck as possible, the group started a small fire and sat around it. Althea actually had a good amount of supplies on the truck, which she decided to share with the other four. They were quite thankful for it, as whatever they had on their bags was edible, but probably shouldn’t be called food. The five of them talked for a while; nothing but small talk, as Althea told them to “save the good stuff for the camera” with a smile. They had agreed to fulfill their part of the deal the next day, after some rest.

Luciana, Strand, Nick and Alicia went to sleep not long after they had finished eating, leaving only Althea sitting by the fire, looking at the footage on her camera –which the older Clark had returned as soon as she kindly offered to share her food with them, making him feel bad for not having returned it yet. After the unplanned nap at the back of the truck, however, Nick had trouble falling asleep, so he went back to where the fire was still burning, finding Althea was also still awake.

“What’s with you and people’s stories, really?” Nick asked, sitting by the woman’s side and peeking at the camera, actually startling her briefly, as she was so concentrated on watching the footage playing on the small screen.

“I’m not sure, actually.” She shrugged after pausing the video. “I mean, it’s about capturing people’s stories, like I said, because who knows what’ll happen to any of us. But…” She trailed off for a second. “I don’t know… I feel like it helps me understand this new world, you know?” Nick nodded silently. “I mean… How the ones who managed to survive did it? And how is this affecting them? Have they changed from who they were before this? Or did they survive _because_ of who they were?” She sighed. “I probably sound like an overthinker, huh?”

“A little bit, yeah.” Nick smiled. “But I met people like you before.” She furrowed her brows, confused. “Not people shoving camera’s on strangers’ faces asking for their story. Although that _did_ happen a lot in the old world, for sure.” He said jokingly. “I mean people who were just trying to understand this whole thing their own way.”

“Glad to know I’m not the only crazy person still alive." Althea jokingly wiped her forehead in relief. “Although you kinda _do_ have to be a little crazy to survive this world, I guess. I mean, look at him.” She pressed play on her camera again and turned it so Nick could also see the screen.

In the video, the man with the southern accent from before sat in front of the camera as he told his story. It was all about the woman he had mentioned, Laura, and well, it was a love story, in a way. He talked about her with a sparkle in his eyes, despite most of his tale not being happy. They somehow got separated quite a while ago, but he said he wouldn’t stop looking for her, that he’d find her and he was confident about it.

“I mean, he is sweet and all.” Althea remarked as she paused the video that started playing next. “But isn’t it crazy to think there’s such a thing as a happy ending in the world we’re living in? To think he’s gonna find her and everything’s gonna be okay?”

“As long as she’s alive…” Nick replied, a hint of sadness in his eyes, which didn’t go unnoticed by Althea. “There’s nothing wrong with a little crazy, right?” He smiled softly. “Besides, it’s not like any of us got anything better to do now, so he might as well keep looking for her, at least he has a purpose.”

“Huh… I wouldn’t have guessed someone taking hostages in the middle of the road would be such a romantic.” The woman teased playfully. “But I should know there’s always more than what meets the eye.” Althea remarked as she stood up, closed the viewfinder from her camera, and grabbed its bag. “I should get some sleep now.” 

“Hey, uhm…” Nick called as she turned around to walk away from the fire. “Would you mind if I watched some more of it?” He asked, pointing to the camera.

“Not at all.” Althea smiled and handed him back the camera and put the bag besides him. “Just don’t forget to turn it off and put it back in the bag, ok?” Nick nodded and the woman turned around to walk away again. “Good night, Nick.” 

“Good night, Althea.” Nick said as he turned the camera on once again and started fumbling with it.

Intrigued with each and every story, Nick actually managed to spend a good amount of time watching those videos, going through almost three of the tapes Althea had recorded – finding the next two inside the bag after he had finished the first one. He was amazed by how many people Althea had met already and how many different stories she had captured. 

It was crazy to think the world wasn’t as empty as he thought it was. He found himself fascinated as he listened to the different lives people had been living after the end of the world, how they were dealing with everything and what bits of information about themselves they ended up sharing with this stranger.

Nick not only had a mission, but maybe also a hobby now. Or at least a distraction from all the insanity around him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Small" filler chapter so we finally have all the season 4 characters in. Please, please bear with me. Things are picking up and I promise the good stuff is coming, okay? hahah. I just really wanna "fix" the mess that was season 4, keep everyone in character, build actual relationships between our OGs and the new ones... All that good stuff. Please, be patient with me lol. Good things are coming. <3
> 
> Edit: This chapter's title is inspired by the song Start A Riot, by BANNERS.
> 
> Hope you enjoyed this! xx


	4. Disclosure

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, things are picking up!  
> As usual, English is not my first language, so there might be a few mistakes here and there - feel free to correct me or suggest anything in the comments.  
> Hope you like this chapter! xx

Nick stretched as he woke up lying on the grass, his sister still asleep by his right side and all their bags piled up a few feet to his left. He saw Strand walking their way, picking up one bag with each hand.

“You’re up early.” Nick mumbled, not fully awake yet. 

“No, you’re the one up late.” Strand corrected him. “We’ve been awake for quite some time now.”

“We?” Nick furrowed his brows.

“Me, Luciana and Althea.” Victor replied, pointing to the two women sitting further away from them. Althea had her camera pointed towards Luciana. She was getting her stories, after all.

“Why didn’t you wake us up?” The boy asked, lifting his upper body and resting on his elbows, looking at Victor with only one eye open, as he was still adjusting to the morning light.

“Althea said we’re not that far now. So we figured we’d let you and Sleeping Beauty over there rest for a little longer. You’re welcome.” The man smiled as he walked towards the truck, tucking the bags inside and coming back to pick up more. “Well, wake her up then. We’re leaving as soon as those two wrap it up.”

Strand and Nick leaned at the side of the truck, making small talk as they waited for the rest of the group so they could leave. As Alicia finished her breakfast, Nick noticed Luciana heading towards the other side of the truck. She gave him a half smile as they crossed paths, the boy running towards Althea to help her pack her stuff, her camera bag being the only thing they hadn’t put in the truck yet.

“Wouldn’t have figured her as the jealous type.” Althea said, not looking up from her camera as Nick approached her. 

“What do you mean?” The boy questioned, confused. 

“I was barely awake when she came up to me and asked ‘what the hell I thought was going to happen’ between you and I. I’m _guessing_ she saw us talking last night.” She looked up at Nick and laughed. “But I told her you’d have to be a _lot_ prettier for me to be interested.” Nick furrowed his brows. “I like girls.” 

“I got _that_.” He rolled his eyes playfully as Althea shut off her camera and started to put it inside its bag. “What I don’t get is why she asked you that.”

“Oh.” Althea was the one with a confused expression now, glancing at him again. “You two not an item?”

“Nope. Not anymore.” Nick clarified, raising his eyebrows, as he bent down to help the woman gather some scattered items on the floor and put them inside the bag. 

“Why not?” 

“I realized we only had what we had, whatever that was, because it was convenient.” He shrugged. “And I like her, but not the way she wants me to. And she doesn’t deserve that.” 

“That makes sense.” Althea pondered as she zipped her bag and picked it up from the floor. “And here I was thinking I had your romantic side figured out without even listening to your story.” She teased as they made their way towards the truck.

“Nah.” Nick forced a smile as both of them hopped in on the back; a hint of sadness in his face, something Althea took as a sign to drop the subject. At least for now, that was. 

As Victor closed the doors of the van, Althea sat and leaned back, rewinding the footage of Luciana’s recording, just to check if everything was okay. Nick sat by her side, watching it with her, silently. She went through some other footage from the same tape, Nick remaining focused on whatever she put on, he just wanted to watch the videos.

“You’ve been liking these, huh?” She looked at Nick as the video ended, squinting her eyes.

“Yeah…” He chuckled. “It’s nice to just… I don’t know… Get away from this.” He waved his hand, motioning around him “for a while. I like knowing it’s not the actual end of the world, you know? I mean, it kind of is, but not really. It’s just a _new_ world, if that makes sense.” He shrugged.

“It does.” Althea smiled. “Well, you’re welcome to watch as many as you like, _whenever_ you like.” She stands up from her seat and opens up a compartment underneath it where a bunch of labeled tapes were stacked on top of each other. “See? Help yourself, anytime. Really.” She sat back besides him again. “I know how important recording these stories are to me, so if they can bring you some comfort or just a distraction, I don’t know, I’m glad to share them with you.” She declared, handing him the camera and a small smile formed on her lips as Nick nodded and took the device, thankful.

For quite some time, they all sat in silence at the back of the van. Luciana drove, her eyes focused on the road, her lips humming a sweet tune. It seemed like her soul felt lighter just by having shared her story earlier that morning. Althea did seem to have a way of making people comfortable. What started as a confrontation motivated by jealousy, ended up becoming the start of a friendship, perhaps. 

Alicia sat on the passenger seat beside Luciana. She just looked out the window, doing her best to stay focused on their mission. Even if they didn’t exactly had a detailed and thought out plan – yet –, she didn’t want to risk her mind wondering through the dangerous territory of what they’d possibly encounter once they reached their destination. 

Nick sat back on his seat with Althea’s camera in hand and pressed play. There was definitely something not only entertaining, of course, but relaxing about watching those tapes. Maybe not relaxing, but calming, reassuring. It was at the same time a way for him to escape his reality, but also be reassured that he wasn’t alone. That his life, and his dear ones’ lives, weren’t the only ones damaged and ruined by now.

Althea and Victor stroke up a casual conversation, nothing important enough for Nick’s attention to divert from the videos to whatever it was they were saying, anyways. Only when his name was mentioned, however, did his eyes move from this screen after quite a long time being glued to it – focused on so many stories, faces, lives. Victor talked about how he saw something special about Nick when they met at that cell – something that made the boy smile – and that he was glad he trusted his guts once more that night, as he couldn’t have asked for a better group to live through the end of the world with.

“Don’t get sappy on me now, Strand.” Alicia joked from the passenger seat on the front, garnering a few laughs. 

Moments like these were few and scarce these past couple of weeks, as the reason for their mission weighed heavily on everyone in the group. Strand had lost his best friend, sure, but Nick and Alicia had lost their mother. _Madison was dead_. And they needed to get revenge. Nick never thought he’d be one for revenge, specially not like the one that would probably end up happening, and it was indeed ironic that he was doing it for her of all people… 

Truth was, they weren’t sure what they’d encounter when they reached their ultimate destination, when they found the Vultures. Just going through the possibilities, however, was dark enough for them to rarely crack a smile. Still, any time they got to do it, it felt like a weight being lifted off their shoulders, even if just for an instant. 

“So, anyone in the mood to share a story now? Huh?” Althea inquired, an ingenious smile on her lips. “Nick? Alicia?”

“From what I can recall…” Alicia turned around to look at the woman. “You already got one story today. And we haven’t gotten to where you found that flag yet.” The girl teased with a sly smile.

“Okay. Fair enough.” Althea chuckled. “But I won’t forget it.”

“Oh, believe me, I know you won’t.” Alicia replied jokingly. 

Althea smiled at kindly at the girl, who smiled back before turning around to face the road the road again

“What about your story, huh?” Luciana asked, looking at the woman through the rearview mirror. “You keep asking for our story, but we know nothing about you. _Hay que decirnos algo, sí?_ (You gotta tell us something, right?) Now _you_ tell your story.” 

“That seems about right.” Strand turns to from Luciana to Althea, an amused look on his face as he crosses his arms in front of his chest and sits back. Nick smiles as he watches the interaction unfold and turns off the camera, putting it by his side on the seat, between him and Althea.

“Well, what’s fair is fair.” She chuckled. “What do you wanna know?”

“Whatever you feel like sharing. Anything goes.” Strand shrugs.

“The thing is… I’m usually the one asking the questions, not answering them.” Althea explains. “So I have absolutely no idea how I would even start.”

“Let me see…” Alicia turned around in her seat so her whole body was now facing the back, where the rest of the group was sitting. “Let’s start simple: Where you from?” 

“I was born in Columbus, Ohio, but I moved to New York at a really young age, so I’m a practically a new yorker.” She shrugged.

“Wow, things must have been crazy in New York.” Strand noted. “Why’d you come so far down South?”

“Well, I actually haven’t been home since way before it started. I was in Mexico for work…”

“ _Estabas en Mexico_?” Luciana shouted from the driver’s seat, looking at Althea. “Why didn’t you tell me when I told you my whole story?”

“Luci, the road!” Alicia yelled at the woman, her eyes wide in fear. Luciana snapped back and turned around to face the road again, mouthing “sorry” to the girl.

“You didn’t ask.” Althea laughed. “But yeah, I was. We were doing this piece on the Tijuana-San Diego border.” She shrugged. “Well, Jackson and me, we were going to follow this family as they attempted to get inside the U.S., all their documents in order and everything. You know, show how hard it is even with everything in order, all that jazz.”

“Who’s Jackson? Your cameraman?” Strand interrupted.

“Nah. Jackson was the pretty face in front of the camera. We wrote the stuff together, but _I_ was behind the camera. And I prefer cinematographer, if you don’t mind.” Althea smiled, one eyebrow raised. “Anyways… We were staying at this community and we were gonna leave the next day for the border. But then the earthquake hit.” 

“You were there when the earthquake hit?” Luciana asked in a worried tone.

“Yup. And, let me tell you, it was _not_ easy. The place we were staying didn’t have the best infrastructure, let’s just put it like that, so in a matter of minutes, most of it was torn apart, practically. They were devastated. I mean, we were worried for our deadline, but it was not _our_ house, so it was just sad to see them lose everything like that.”

“I can imagine. A lot of people in Rosarito lost their things too.” Luciana added.

“Luckily, Nora, the wife, said her sister lived in a community a few miles away from there, so at least they had a place to stay, they weren’t totally homeless. And she said we could go there to figure things out.”

“Nice of them to offer you shelter even in their misery.” Luciana pointed out.

“Yeah, it really was…” Althea added in a sad tone, lowering her head. “When we got there though, shit hit the fan…”

Althea sighed as she ran her hands through her hair. She had never really told her story to anyone else and it seemed odd to do it, as she was usually the one listening, not talking. It felt nice to share, of course… But one of the things she liked about listening, was that she felt like she was living that situation, in a way, through the mere telling of the tale. Repeating her own struggle aloud, on the other hand, brought forth some things she didn’t exactly want to live again.

“Nora’s sister, Alma, was the first to turn. Apparently, her son, Diego, was mixed in some shady business with a local gang and, well… These guys came for him one morning. We were having breakfast.” She smiled sadly as she remembered the smell of the last coffee and toast she had before the world ended. “He wasn’t there, he’d gone out the night before, but they thought she was lying. She stood up to them, anyway.” She chuckled humorlessly. “The woman was a badass, I’ll give her that. They had words and… She ended up getting shot.” She stared at the ground, a blank expression. “Her blood spilled all over her two daughters and me.” 

Everyone in the van, except for Luciana who kept focused on the road, exchanged sad and worried looks. Althea seemed like a kind soul, but it was clear now her trauma was deeper than she allowed it to come to surface – which was something they should’ve known, of course, as the same applied to them. 

“They searched the house and realized she was telling the truth.” She bit her lip for a second, trying to hold back her emotions and calm herself down, her eyes a bit watery now.

“Hey.” Alicia stood up from her seat and sat it front of Althea, taking her hand in hers. “It’s okay. You don’t need to tell it if you don’t want to.” 

“And let you use it against me when I ask you for your story?” She said jokingly in a shaky voice, wiping her eyes with her free hand as Alicia held the other one, still trying to reassure her and calm her down.

“Well, you got me there.” Alicia rolled her eyes playfully. “At least I tried.”

Althea laughed faintly once more, taking a deep breath before continuing her story, determined to not let it get too much too her. If she wanted people to open up to her, she should be able to open up to others. What’s fair, is fair. Right?

“Well…” She sighed. “Then they said they were gonna come back later for him. Jackson told them to call the police before they came back.”

“ _Ay, gringo._ ” Luciana sighed from the front seat, rolling her eyes.

“Yeah.” Althea chuckled sadly. “That’s what Alma’s husband said. ‘ _No, gringo, that’s not how you deal with people like the Proctors’_.”

As soon as Althea mentioned that name, Alicia sat up straight in her seat, letting go of Althea’s hand, and looked straight to Nick and then Victor. Both of them looked back at the girl with an expression as equally as shocked as hers. 

“What is it?” Althea questioned cautiously, noticing something snapped in their minds.

“You said Proctors.” Alicia answered carefully.

“Yes…? Yes, I did?” Althea furrowed her brows.

“A gang that went by the name of Proctors.” Strand said, to which Althea nodded, still confused. “And you were in Tijuana.” 

“Yeah…? I… I’m not following.” Althea raised her eyebrows a bit. “Where are you getting at? Do you know these guys or…?”

Nick sighed heavily and ran his hands through his hair; he was equal parts shocked, confused and, to be quite honest, sad at all the memories this subject brought to his mind. Alicia slumped over on her seat and rested her elbows on her thighs, looking over at Nick. 

As shocking as all of this was to her – and it was one hell of a twist, for sure – she was actually more worried about her brother, as she knew what kind of memories could be brought back to his mind at even the slightest mention of that place or those people. Victor scoffed and leaned back into his seat, crossing his arms on his chest.

“Life sure has a way of reminding us of our shit, huh?” He said, shaking his head.

“Tell me about it.” Alicia breathed worryingly, her eyes still on her brother.

“Can someone fill me in?” Althea looked between everyone in the van, waiting for an answer, a very confused and lost look on her face.

“We were there.” Nick’s voice was finally heard in a dry and serious tone, his head hanging low as his gaze was fixated on the floor for a while.

“Well, yeah, I mean… If Luciana is from Rosarito and you met at her community, like she told me, I figured you had been somewhere around Tijuana, that’s no surprise.” Althea shrugged. “I don’t get why you…”

“No. We know the Proctors. We were there. In Tijuana. We know these guys.” Alicia interrupted and the woman’s eyes went wide.

“How? Why?”

“That’s…” Alicia breathed in and out heavily “…quite a long story.”

“I’m guessing we’ve got time.” Althea said, a smirk in her face as she reached for her camera and turned it on.

***

“So that was you?” Althea turned to Nick, pointing her camera towards him too. He nodded affirmatively, not saying a word.

“You were still there, then? When all that happened?” Alicia asked, turning Althea’s attention, and consequently camera, back to her.

“Yeah! I was still there. We stayed there for months, actually. I’ve been back to what we used to call America, not that these things matter now, maybe three or four months ago.” Althea exhaled.” But wow… Did I hear about a shaggy haired junkie blowing up everything and saving everyone?” She laughed in disbelief and turned to look at Nick. “Never thought I’d meet the savior himself in person, though.” 

“Here I am.” Nick looked at her and gestured at himself, smiling faintly.

“It was a bitch to clean the water, that’s for sure.” Althea joked. “And yeah, some people were injured and it took them a while to recover, but luckily, we had a good doctor in our community to help.” She looked up, deep in thought. “Apart from those assholes, though, the _proctors_ , I don’t remember hearing about anyone dying. So all in all, it was damn worth it. Good job, Nick.” She smiled back at the boy, whose smile had faded away at her words, his heart stinging at the memories. His eyebrows furrowed now.

“So… Uhm… You said you had a good doctor there?” Victor inquired, changing the subject, as his gaze went from Nick to Althea.

“Yeah, he was a great doctor. We lucked out to have one of those in the middle of the apocalypse, if I’m being honest. Managed to save everyone we brought injured from the dam.” Her lips curled into a sweet smile.

“That’s, uhm… That’s good to hear.” Victor let out a heavy sigh and smiled. “And uh… Well, you told you came back to the States only a while ago. Why was that? Why the change? I mean, after so long in Mexico, why not just stay there?”

“Well…” Althea closed the screen on her camera and then turned it off. “When the world went to shit, we pretty much knew we wouldn’t be able to go home, at least not any time soon. Jackson had started thinking that maybe it was time for us to try to go back home, see if our families were alive or anything like that. I never had much of a family. At least not after they found out I was gay. I had a girlfriend for a while, but apart from that, I only had Jackson. So I agreed to go with him.” 

Althea bent down and dragged her bag from the corner of the back of the van. She closed the camera lens and then put the equipment inside the bag carefully, as to keep it safe, then opening the compartment next to the one she had opened earlier – the one where she kept the tapes – and shoving the bag inside of it.

“Long story short…” She continued, sitting up right again. “When we got to his hometown in Arizona, his father, crazy-conspiracy-theorist-the-aliens-are-coming-believer kinda guy, was actually alive.” She laughed. “And we stayed with him for two weeks or something. But I realized I didn’t wanna be stuck in a subterranean bomb shelter for the rest of my life. I had my camera and missed recording my stuff. That’s what I had been doing since the day this all started. So I told them I had to…” She stopped mid-sentence and stood up, looking out the tiny, dirty window. “Luciana, stop. Stop the van.”

She walked up to the front of the vehicle, stepping in between the two seats and looking out the window on Luciana’s side, getting a clearer view of the place where the van was parked now. She looked to the other side and nodded to herself. Luciana turned to the others sitting in the back. Althea turned around and faced the group.

“It’s here. This is where I found the flag.” The woman announced in hopeful tone, looking between Nick and Alicia, whose eyes suddenly lit up at her words. 

Everyone got up from their seats and got out of the truck, picking up a few weapons and getting ready to search around for clues – anything that would lead them to the Vultures.

“It’s actually up ahead, see?” Althea said, pointing ahead to what could only be described as a small village, completely trashed and clearly abandoned. “Let’s go.”

The group headed towards the first house, silent hope filling their hearts along with a hint of fear and maybe a tiny bit of hesitation. They hadn’t planned to get this far, really, and they didn’t know what they were set to find in this specific quest. They thought this flag would lead them right to the Vultures’ new camp and that would be it. But, of course, things are never as easy, specially not in the new world.

“So what now?” Luciana asked, as soon as they stopped in front of one of the houses. “Do we get in and search for clues?”

“I think that would be the best strategy.” Strand noted. 

“Uhm… What are we looking for, exactly?” Althea inquired.

“Anything that can lead us to the Vultures.” Nick stated.

“And that would be…?”

“Just come with us.” Alicia said. “Luci, Strand, you search that side.” She pointed to the houses on the left “and we’ll search this one. Meet back here if we find something or as soon as we’re done, ‘kay?” To which the duo nodded, before heading to the first house on the opposite side.

The trio carefully entered the first house on the right side of the path in which they stood, the one closest to them. After they made sure there were no infected inside, they started to search everything inside each and every room. They looked inside every cabinet, every drawer, every nook and cranny. They weren’t sure exactly what they were looking for, but they knew they had to try to find anything that could lead them to their next destination. 

A few hours had passed since they first began their quest, having gone through most of the houses on each side already, only four or five to go now. The sun was beginning to set on the horizon so they thought they should head back to the van and camp near it for the night and finish the search in the morning, as they didn’t wanna take any chances of running into any infected that might me in one of the houses or anything like that. 

As Alicia headed to the front door of the house they had just finished searching, the other two right behind her, they heard music coming from outside. Music and a car engine. The younger girl quickly turned around, her eyes wide in a mixture of shock and fear. Nick’s expression mimicked hers, as did Althea’s. The trio crouched down besides the open door and kept quiet, just listening to the sounds that kept getting louder outside, the car slowly approaching their hiding spot.

Althea held her breath as the music suddenly stopped and the loud thump of car doors being shut could be heard, along with the sound of footsteps on the dry autumn leaves. 

“What was it she asked for again?” A man asked in a forgetful tone .

“A new book, Ennis. A. New. _Book_! How the fuck are you so dumb?” Another male voice answered, clearly annoyed. Nick furrowed his brows listening to their conversation. 

“What is it with her and books now, man?”

“Pff. Tell me about it. Guess that boy got to her, after all. That or Madison’s been putting ideas on her head.” The man chuckles.

_Madison._

Nick shoots a wide-eyed stare to Alicia, who’s looking at him just as shaken.

_Was Madison…_

_…Alive?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, was she?
> 
> On a side note, every chapter title is a song that somehow reminds me of Trick and is at least a little bit related to the chapter. Thought I would let you all know, in case you are interested. I'm editing the other chapters to add the songs. This one is Disclosure, by Magnets feat. Lorde. 
> 
> Here it is, in case you wanna give it a listen. Next chapter will be up in a few days. Again, please bear with me, it's a slow pace, but I wanna build things properly - unlike the showrunners. Hope you enjoyed this! xx  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b_KfnGBtVeA


	5. Silhouette

“Can you see anything?” Nick whispered.

“Yes, com’ere.” Alicia answered, sliding a little more to the side so her brother could stand beside her, hiding behind the same tree. “Look, Ennis just got out of the car.”

Nick looked attentively as the blonde man shut the car door and walked to the back of the old blue car, whistling a cheerful tune as he unloaded a box from the trunk. He walked a few feet ahead and put what Nick presumed to be supplies on the floor, then going back for more boxes. That went on for a few minutes. Ennis and his tranquil whistling, unloading the car and piling up boxes and crates. 

After hearing their mother’s name back there, back where Althea had led them, they cautiously waited for the two men – who they had recognized as the first and second in command of the Vultures – to get back on their vehicle and leave. They followed them. 

It wasn’t an easy task, following an old car with a SWAT van and going unnoticed, but Luciana seemed to have picked up a few tricks during the apocalypse. Even if they got a little lost, luckily, there weren’t a lot of places to go from there, so they managed to find their way back to them in a matter of minutes.

The siblings exchanged an apprehensive look between each other, before turning around slightly in search of the rest of their group, who crouched down in hiding behind other trees and bushes, a few feet behind. They were just as alert, just as worried and, of course, just as confused.

Their focus snapped back to the vintage blue vehicle, now mostly unloaded, by the sound of the other car door being shut. There he was, the leader of the Vultures, in all of his… glory?

“Kiddo!” Mel screamed, putting his hands inside the pockets of his jean jacket, a smile spreading across his face. “We’re home!”

So this was what the Vultures now called home. Funny how the leader himself had talked so much about how “places like this” have an expiration date, how this type of living situation didn’t work, didn’t last. All these things he said to Madison when threatening them… Yet here they were. Small town, old houses… Settled. The Vultures were settled. The Vultures were _home_. Nick would’ve scoffed if they weren’t trying to keep quiet.

“Come here!” The man crouched down, smiling fondly at the girl who came running towards him, his arms open wide, ready to embrace her.

Charlie wrapped her arms around Mel’s neck, hugging him tightly as he wrapped one arm around her waist, lifting her with him as he stood up from his previous position. He put the girl down and messed up the hair on the top of her head.

“Hey, what about me?” Ennis said, locking the car, standing just a few feet away from the pair. 

Mel looked back at his brother and rolled his eyes jokingly before looking back at Charlie, who looked at him with eager eyes, and mouthing “go” and pointing to Ennis with his head. Quickly, she made her way to the other man, hugging him just as tightly as she had hugged Mel, this time being spun around by the blonde one, which made her laugh a little.

Nick’s stomach churned watching that reunion unfold. That sight made way to a bittersweet feeling to grow inside of him. These men were the reason his mother was dead. Even if they hadn’t actively pulled a trigger – or slammed a hammer – on her, her death was still on them. 

However, even if Charlie had helped them destroy his crops and basically ruin what they had back at the stadium, how could Nick hold it against her? They were all she had, they saved her. They were her family and she loved them. At the end of the day, Charlie was but a child and Nick still cared about her. How could he not, really? 

The boy bit his lip and sighed apprehensively, looking at the girl who now eagerly watched Ennis rummage through one of the boxes he had piled up. Mel stood beside them, just waiting for Ennis to find whatever it was that he was looking for. 

“What is it?” Alicia asked quietly.

“We… We can’t do to her what they did to us, Licia.” Nick replied, his gaze still fixated on what happened just a few feet away from the tree they hid behind. “They’re her family.”

“I know, Nick, we…” He interrupted before she could say anything else and looked at his sister, a stern expression in his face. 

“I gave mom so much shit for what she did to T…” his lips quivered and he closed his eyes for a second, taking a deep breath as to regain composure. “Look, I know we never said we would handle things this way, but now that we’re here… It can’t come to it. I can’t, okay? We can’t.”

“Hey…” Alicia reached to rest her hand on her brother’s shoulder. “We won’t. I have no idea what exactly we are going to d…”

“You comin’ in or do I have to carry these boxes back to the supply shed all by myself?”

There it was.

The sound of that voice. That familiar voice. 

The voice that had waken them up on Christmas mornings to open up the presents. The voice that asked if they wanted eggs or pancakes when she was in a good mood on a Sunday morning. The voice that congratulated them on good grades and scolded them when they got bad ones. 

The voice that told them everything would be okay when the world ended, as long as they stuck together. The voice for whom Nick killed someone. They voice who justified killing the one he…

Years went by in Nick’s mind in a matter of seconds as he listened to that voice. He went through every emotion he could name and possibly so many more that he didn’t even know how to describe with words. He was frozen in place, but his skin was on fire. 

She was alive. 

No. Not only she was alive, no… She was alive and smiling? Joking? _Happy_? With _them_? Whey they had been to Hell and back looking for them, wanting revenge because they thought she was dead. 

Nick stood up from his sister side and started making his way back to the van. It was a few miles away from where they were. It was dark and it was cold now. It was probably a stupid idea to go alone now, but his anger was growing by the second and he couldn’t stand to watch whatever that was between _Madison_ and the Vultures for another second.

He heard the sound of feet coming rapidly behind him on the grass and he picked up his space. Whether it was Alicia, Luciana, Strand or Althea, he knew someone was coming to try and change his mind and he just wasn’t going to have it. 

Just a few seconds after stepping back in the road, Nick heard someone else’s feet on the pavement and then felt a hand grab his arm. As he turned around rapidly, angry and ready to lash out, he was taken aback. He thought someone was coming to convince him to go back, but no. As he turned around, he was actually met with Alicia’s red and watery eyes.

“Wait for me.” She said weakly, her voice barely coming out as she tried to hold back a sob.

At the sight of his sister in such a fragile state, Nick’s rapid breath started to slow down and his lips trembled as he searched for words, but couldn’t find any. His eyes were now watering too and he quickly wrapped his arms tightly around his sister, allowing both of them to give in to their tears, a million thoughts and questions going through their minds. 

Slowly, as the siblings were still wrapped in a tight embrace, the rest of their group started to approach them, confused and sad looks on their faces as none of them really understood what exactly was happening but, most of all, what could they possibly say to ease Nick and Alicia’s pain in a situation like this.

Their mother was alive, living with the people who threatened them and ruined their lives. And she was _happy_ with them. She never even went looking for their own children. What happened to “as long as we stick together”? 

***

“Let’s just stay here tonight… We’ll figure things out tomorrow.” Victor said as he tossed another piece of wood at the small fire.

They had walked in silence towards where the van was parked, maybe a mile or two back from where they witnessed happy-go-lucky Madison and her newfound family. Victor sighed and took a seat across from Nick, feeling a lump in his throat as he looked at the young man’s troubled expression. The five of them sat in silence as they ate their food, not really enjoying it – but hey, no one survives the end of the world in an empty stomach.

One by one, they stood up and headed to get some much-needed rest. They had no plan as of yet, but sleeping was always welcomed in the new world – especially after seeing whatever that was back there. Only Nick and Althea still sat awake by the fire.

“Where’s your camera?” Nick broke the silence, his gaze fixated on the fire and his expression emotionless. 

“It’s here.” Althea said, quickly reaching for the bad sitting at her feet. “Why? Y’wanna watch some tapes? Get your mind off things?”

“No.” He looked at her. “I wanna tell you my story.”

The woman stopped her movements for a second and furrowed her brows, before turning back to face the boy, certain that she had heard him wrong.

“Now? You sure?”

As he simply nodded, Althea, grabbed her camera, putting on a new tape inside. She settled herself into a comfortable position and then pointed the camera at Nick, zooming in on his face so she could focus the lens properly. When everything was set up just right, she retreated the lens and nodded.

“Whenever you’re ready.”

Nick stared at the ground for a few seconds, as if actually waiting for the moment when he would be ready to talk about this. But a long time had gone by and he’d realized that he’d never be fully ready, this right now was about as ready as he would ever be. So he searched for the right words to say, furrowing his brows as he realized how difficult that turned out to be.

He had many stories to tell from his life, of course, but after tonight, he knew in his heart there was only one he wanted… he needed to tell. There was only one worth being told, anyway. And only one whose story deserved to be told. 

“It’s… Uhm…” He started, clearing his throat as he could feel his voice starting to break. “It’s funny because people actually always tell me I’m romantic and things like that. Shit, he even called me a _poet_.” Nick chuckled sadly. “But I’m actually terrible at talking about me, about my feelings. Truth is, I don’t even understand them most of the time. Maybe that’s where all the ‘angst and suffering’ comes from.” He smiled briefly, but followed with a furrow of his brows.

He quickly glanced at Althea, who watched him through the camera viewfinder with a sad smile. She looked up at him sympathetically when and he smiled back, faintly, for a brief second, feeling slightly reassured. His gaze slowly returned to the ground in front of him.

“I hated him at first. I mean, he was a fucking asshole, but…” He sighed. “But then there was just something that kept pulling me towards him an-and I tried my best to stay away, but… Sometimes I’d just find myself laughing with him and not even knowing how we got to that point.” He shrugged. “And I kept waiting for him to push me away. But… He never did.”

Althea still tried to keep a smile on her face, as she noticed the growing sadness in the boy’s voice, and wanted to reassure him that everything was okay if he looked back at her again.

“And for the longest time I really did think I hated him. But then there I was, risking god knows what by being in that house, but I locked myself inside with him because I knew he would at least listen to me and I _knew_ he wouldn’t hurt me. I don’t know how. I just… Did, you know?” He looked at Althea, his eyes red. She didn’t answer. “And when Troy asked me why did I care what happened to him… That’s when I realized. I had never been afraid of dying, but if his life was on the line too, then I was afraid.”

Nick sighed heavily.

“And god… he was awful…” Nick rubbed his face with his hands nervously. “He was fucked up. But, you see, so am I. And yeah, it’s easy to just blame someone else, but god if you knew his father and the things he did to Troy, the way he was raised.” He rested his head on his hand for a second, before snapping back up. “And he was getting better!” He raised voice a little, not able to hold back the tears anymore. “He was trying. He really was. He wanted to help.” His lips trembled as he sighed. “He wanted to help and my mom killed him.”

He shut his eyes tightly as warm tears ran down his cheeks. Althea was wide-eyed in shock, as she expected a tragic end to this tale, of course, but nothing close to this. From their determination to avenge her “death”, she would never have pictured a woman who killed the boy her son loved. On the other hand, she _did_ let them believe she was dead to go live with the enemy…

“She _manipulated_ him, she used him to get what she wanted. She made us take his home and his father from him. And when he was really doing his best to be a better person, she killed him.” He opened his eyes. “And I couldn’t even look at her for a whole year because of it, I never forgave her. But I was scared, I was scared because she’s still my mom and the Vultures threatened her and, I mean… Now this…”

Nick propped his elbows on his knees and then rested his forehead on his hands, facing down, his eyes closed.

“I’m just so tired.”

***  
The sun had barely risen, but Nick could feel its warmth on his skin even before he slowly opened his eyes and blinked a few times, adjusting to the light of the day. He sat up, stretching as he looked around and noticed everyone else was still asleep. Birds chirped faintly and the sky glowed in amber tones. If he tried really hard, Nick could almost fool himself into feeling a tiny bit of peace, even if just for a second.

He leaned back and closed his eyes again for a moment, just allowing the sun to hit his skin. He breathed in heavily and sighed. Maybe he could try, once more, to force his mind to just be in that warm sunrise instead of someone somewhere else, like usual.

The boy stood up and walked to where Althea laid asleep. He opened her bag and took her camera and a few tapes. He needed a distraction; a goddamn sunrise wasn’t going to  
cut it and well, she said he was welcome to watch whenever he wanted, so… He went back to where he had slept the night before, right beside his sister, and pressed play on one of the tapes.

A woman with short, curly black hair sat beside a young girl. The two looked abnormally happy for the apocalypse and Nick couldn’t help but smile as he watched the little girl play with her one-armed Barbie doll, as who he soon found out to be her aunt told their story. An old couple came next. Then three sisters, around his and Alicia’s age, one of them cried a lot and Nick felt his heart ache for her. A group of friends who laughed and drank too much beer. An older man who looked like a character from an old western movie. A young couple who bickered a lot. A woman, maybe in her mid-thirties, who had been in the army and talked about strategizing a lot. And so many others… 

Nick had gone through three or four tapes when he felt arms wrapping in around his waist, awkwardly because of the way he was sitting. He turned his head to find Alicia, who he had slept next to the previous night. He shut off the camera and put it aside, wrapping his arm around her shoulder, no words needed as she then rested her head on his chest. The siblings stayed like that for a while, just enjoying each other’s company in silence, taking in the comfort only one could offer the other at that moment. They only had each other now.

“What now?” Alicia slowly moved away from their embrace and faced her brother.

“I don’t know…” Nick slouched besides her. “Maybe we go back to that place they were gathering supplies and steal all their shit? I mean… We need it and they don’t deserve it, anyways.” The boy chuckled humorlessly.

“Not sure if there’d be much food or water there. Maybe weapons, but they probably took everything already.” Alicia sighs.

“Eh.” He shrugged. “If there isn’t anything for us, we just burn the whole place down so they can’t get anything else. Screw them. “

Alicia laughs weakly and rolls her eyes as she stands up.

“Come on, let’s wake them up.” She extends her hand to Nick, helping him up as well.

As Nick started picking up the stuff they had laid out on the grass to sleep, Alicia went to wake the rest of the group up so they could talk and decide their next move. The five of them sat down and shared a much-needed breakfast; what would’ve tasted like stale and chewy protein bars and gross room-temperature juice in the world, tasted like a goddamn king’s meal right now. Althea had found the apple juice about a week ago and wanted to save it for a special occasion – whatever the hell that could be – but felt like Nick and Alicia deserved a treat after the previous night.

“What are we going to do now?” Luciana finally broke the silence, glancing from Nick to Alicia.

“Do you guys wanna keep heading North? Or maybe, uhm… You’re from Cali, right? Wanna check it out?” Althea suggested as she chewed the last bite of her protein bar and tossed the wrapper away. No point in being green anymore.

“L.A. is burnt to the ground. Nothing there for anyone.” Strand pointed out as he stood up with his bag in hand, walking towards the truck.

“Nick said we should go back to that uhm… That village?” Alicia said quietly, looking up from the ground and her sad but hopeful eyes met Althea’s. “Where you found their flag? We could go their to get some supplies before we figure out where we’re headed next.”

Althea eyed Nick, expecting the boy to add an explanation, a reason, anything to what his sister said, but he remained silent, staring at his shoelaces with his elbows resting on his knees. Then she looked at Luciana, who just shrugged and stood up.

“It’s not far. And we got nothing to lose.” The woman said, then walking towards the door to the passenger seat, as Strand had already sat behind the wheel.

They quickly finished putting their stuff in the back of the van and getting inside, heading towards the village for supplies and maybe to start a fire or two – but that was between Nick and Alicia. 

It didn’t take too long for them to get there, maybe an hour, two at the maximum, but it was actually quite close to where they had camped the night before and, of course, quite close to where the Vultures now lived, Nick noticed. It seemed pretty ridiculous, thinking about it, that the group who destroyed their home with a speech about how “settling down is dangerous” was now settled down in a place actually not that difficult to find. Madison Clark sure has a way of getting what she wants. _And into people’s minds_ , he sighed.

Parking the van just a few miles away from the village, as they still had to be cautious, they decided to split into two pairs and one of them would search alone – that way they could gather supplies more efficiently and get the hell out of there as fast as possible. Nick paired up with Strand, Alicia with Luciana and Althea decided to search alone. “ _I did my fair share of manual labor, I can handle a few crates of supplies, people, trust me _”, she reassured them before they parted ways, each team to a different house.__

__The plan was simple. Clear the place of infected, search for whatever supplies were useful and able to fit in the van, place everything together on the street in front of the houses, then load the truck and leave._ _

__The group had already gone through a few houses and managed to gather some itens after two or three hours of searching. A few packs of random industrialized edibles and some, from their math, hand’t even expired yet – Glod bless America and their chemical-filled snacks. Luckily, the only infected there had already been taken care of, probably by the Vultures – so they had them to thank for that, perhaps, ironically._ _

__“How are you holding up?” Strand inquired nonchalantly as he shuffled through the drawers in one of the bedrooms, picking up a few clothings items and throwing them in the bed behind him._ _

__“I tried blowing myself up and I’m still standing.” Nick scoffed, opening the closet door and picking up a few jackets. “This is pretty much a walk in the park, Strand. Don’t worry about me.” He faked a laugh as he draped a leather jacket over his shoulder. The probably had clothes to last until the next apocalypse after this place. And hey, that was not a complaint._ _

__“Nick…” Strand turned to face the boy after throwing a few more pieces on the bed. “Madison was my friend for little over a year and I feel bad. You’re her son, if anyone can be upset, it’s you. I’m not the best man for the job, but if you ever need to talk…”_ _

__“I know.” Nick sighed as he nodded, looking at his friend. “I’m still processing it, honestly… I can’t begin to…”_ _

__“You guys!” Althea yelled from outside, interrupting their conversation. “A little help out here, please!”_ _

__Nick and Strand quickly looked at each other and laughed as they made their way out of the bedroom and then to the main entrance of the house, to help Althea with whatever it was that she needed._ _

__“Weren’t you the one who did your ‘fair share of manual labor’, huh?” Strand started jokingly as they approached the door to then get to the woman._ _

__“Thought you could ‘handle a few supplies by yourself’, Al.” Nick went along with Strand’s teasing of Althea, laughing as they walked outside the house. “Guess we should have w…”_ _

__Nick stopped dead in his tracks when he looked up and realized exactly why Althea had called for help. She didn’t need them to carry supplies, she had that handled pretty well, actually. Her problem was actually a bit more complicated._ _

__“Don’t move. I don’t wanna shoot you.”_ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... 
> 
> Side note: the song is Silhouette by Aquilo.
> 
> Hope you enjoyed the chapter! xx


	6. Stakes

Nick stared at the ceiling, shifting slightly to pick up another cushion and patting the dust off it before putting it behind his head. Oddly, he had been more comfortable sleeping on the cold, damp grass that morning than he was right now lying in that warm, albeit old and dirty couch. He could be lying in a damn king size bed right now and he still wouldn’t have been the tiniest bit okay with the whole situation. 

Was she telling the truth? Were they right to trust her? Did they make the right decision? Jesus fucking Christ. He sighed and rubbed his face with both hands, trying to organize his thoughts. That’s when he missed the drugs the most. When everything hurt and he couldn’t think, he couldn’t escape his own mind, he really missed getting high. Or low. Or anywhere, really.

_“Mom?” Alicia said before Nick could even react to the sight in front of him, her voice quivering._

_Madison quickly turned to where the sound of her daughter’s voice came from, immediately losing her grip on the gun, letting it fall on the floor in an instant. She opened her mouth, but nothing came out of it, an expression of pure shock on her face. Althea realized she was no longer in danger and turned around, taking a few steps back, protecting herself. She had yet to understand what was going on._

_Warm tears came streaming down Alicia’s cheeks as Madison quickly forgot about the woman standing in front of her and bolted towards her daughter. The girl didn’t move a single muscle in her body as her mother hugged her tightly, an expression of utter disbelief in her face as her gaze went straight to Nick, who stared at her just as wide-eyed and shaken._

The last few weeks had been such a mess with him constantly questioning if he had made the right decision; to allow her to be a part of his life, to really be his mom again, to let himself worry and care about her like he used to before. Granted it was because he had seen her in danger, threatened by the Vultures.

But to see her just the day before, alive and smiling, like nothing happened… After believing she was dead, after mourning her for weeks, after stripping himself from his consciousness to get revenge because _she was his mother_. Was he right to believe in her? Or was he falling into the same old patterns?

His thoughts were interrupted before he could reach a proper conclusion, as the rest of the group – Alicia, Althea, Luciana, Strand _and Madison_ – entered the lobby of the abandoned motel they found after driving for a few hours. They had decided to stay there for a few days, maybe longer. Nice rooms, plenty of space for everyone, comfortable beds, bathrooms and, surprisingly, running water. They had more than enough supplies for the next few days after gathering what they could from those houses, so…

Alicia patted Nick’s leg, motioning for him to make some space for her and he rolled his eyes, sitting up before she took the seat by his side.

“There’s... one, two, three…” Nick looked around the lobby, counting every other seat in the room. “Nine other places you could seat.” He stared at her.

“Yes, but only one where I annoy _you._ ” She smiled playfully and he couldn’t help but smile back.

“Nick! Licia!” Madison called from the other side of the lobby, holding two cans in her hands. “Canned peaches or…” She turned one over, reading the label. “Ugh, baked beans?”

“You really left the good stuff back in the room, huh? Yuck.” Alicia said jokingly, to which Madison laughed softly. “The peaches, I guess.” 

“Nick? You?”

“I’m… I’m not hungry right now.” He shrugged, giving his mother a half smile and averting his gaze before she could say anything else, then turning to Althea, who sat on the couch right next to Alicia’s side. “Althea, think I could watch some more tapes? If I go to my room now, I’ll probably be snorting in five minutes.” He forced a smiled.

“Sure.” She chuckled, putting her can of peaches on the coffee table in front of her and reaching inside her pocket. “Camera’s in my room. Fifty four.” She said handing him the keys.

_“Get off.”_

_“What?” Madison questioned, her arms loosening their grip around Nick a little so she could face him, her eyebrows furrowed in confusion._

_“Get. Off.” He had his eyes closed and his jaw clenched as she backed away from him._

_“Why… Why are you like this? I thought you’d be happy, I… I missed you so much, I...” Madison said, looking between her kids._

_Alicia had barely moved since Madison let her go after realizing Nick was standing just a few feet away and running to hug him. The boy sighed and rubbed his face with both of his hands, laughing humorlessly. She was unbelievable._

_“We thought you were dead!” He barked at her._

_“Yes, but…”_

_“We thought you were dead, but we saw you last night with them! You were laughing and making jokes like the happiest of families!” He tilted his head back. “And now you’re here!” He scoffed and rolled his eyes. “Of course you’re here!”_

_“Nick, no, it’s not like that…”_

_“Not like what, mom? Not like you were living with them while we thought you were dead for two fucking months?” He asked, defiantly. “I mean, I get it, it’s the end of the world, not like you can make a phone call, but we see you have a car…” He pointed at the vehicle parked a few feets away “…and you could’ve gone looking for us! Just like we’ve been looking for them since they unleashed a horde of zombies on us! A horde that we thought killed you!”_

_“Nick, listen to me!”_

_“You’re staying with them after what they did!” He turned his back to her, pacing around angrily. “And god, to think you killed T…” His lips shuddered before he could finished his sentence, but he took a deep breath. He wouldn’t let her see him like that. Not now. He turned around, ready to keep telling her everything he had kept buried._

_“They threatened you!” Madison yelled before he could continue. “They threatened both of you.” She looked at him and then stepped back, so she could look at Alicia._

_His sister still cried quietly, but now she took a few steps closer to her mother and him. Madison stared at the ground and took a deep breath._

_“The morning before it happened, when I went on a run with Cole and Luci, they ambushed me in one of the buildings. They told me we had until morning to get out. They told me that all they had done to us up until that point was just ‘a trial run’… That if we stayed, we would find out what the ‘real test’ was like. And I…” She frowned. “And didn’t think they’d actually do it or that it would be that bad, I don’t know… I was selfish. I didn’t tell anyone and I just decided that we would stay."_

_Nick quickly looked at Alicia, who listened to her mother’s tale intently. He could clearly see his sister was also a bit skeptical, as this was their mother, after all. He could also see that, deep in her heart, she was dying to believe in every word coming out of Madison’s mouth. It was their mother, after all._

He stepped back into the lobby with Althea’s bag in hand, making his way to one of the couches further away from the main area as the conversation was loud between the group. He picked up the camera from inside the bag and chose one of the numbered tapes from inside a small box labeled #Morelos. He popped the tape inside the camera and laid back on the couch, pressing play. 

As he settled himself on his seat, he briefly looked up and noticed his mother looking at him while talking to his sister. He knew it wouldn’t take long for either one of them to come sit by his side and try to strike up a conversation, trying to get him to sit with them. They were very persistent, Nick would give them that, but he needed time to warm up to the situation. He was easily adaptable, indeed, but he also liked to do things at his own pace.

When he focused back on the camera, a man in a lab coat sat in front of the camera, a friendly smile on his face. He couldn’t be older than mid-forties, but he definitely looked tired. He talked in a rough accent, about something Nick couldn’t quite understand as he only started paying attention mid-sentence and there was a lot of background noise in the video while the man spoke. The footage was cut abruptly to a young girl, maybe around Nick’s age, sitting in what seemed to be an improvised hospital bed; she had a few bruises on her face and arms, which seemed to already be healing, and a content smile on her face as she waited for Althea’s sign to start telling her story.

Her name was Bianca and she lived around the area with her _tía_ and her older sister, Sol, as their mom had passed away when they were very young and the father was never in the picture. Her sister had been involved with “one of them”, as she put it herself, when the whole apocalypse started and they had been taken under the group’s protection. In a way, they were lucky, because they had shelter, food, water… But in other ways, not so much – something she didn’t need to explain. 

She rolled her eyes and smiled as she wiped a tear from her face, saying how ironic it was that the dam exploding ended up being a good thing for them, even if it was a tragedy for other people, because that’s how they “got saved. Twice. From the proctors and from dying after being dragged by the water, when your people brought me here”. And then it hit him. Those were the tapes from the community were Althea had been staying in Tijuana.

_“We didn’t know…” Alicia’s voice came muffled as her face was buried in her mother’s neck as her, Madison and Nick were embraced in an awkward, but loving hug, after Madison had explain the truth._

_“No, baby…” Madison pulled away from the hug to put both hands around Alicia’s face. “How could you? I should have left sooner. I was trying to gain their trust, I…” Madison let go of her daughter and looked down._

_“What, mom?” Nick was slightly more accepting, but still suspicious. And of course, worried. His mother always seemed to cause a strange mix of feelings inside of him, but trust was never fully there. “What is it?”_

_“I was trying to convince them that we should find you, that you both would be willing to join the group, that you would be great for the Vultures…” She looked up, glancing at her children expectantly, as if waiting to be reprimanded. “I just wanted you with me.”_

_Nick eyed his mother for a second. At this point in his life, he knew he would never be able to completely trust every word that came out of her mouth, that wasn’t new to him. It was true that she had managed to fool him more times than he would have liked to admit and he absolutely hated being played the fool, but when his gaze quickly travelled to his sister and her hopeful expression… Did he really have any other choice but to believe Madison and give her yet one more chance? Even if only for Alicia’s sake?_

_“It’s okay, mom.” Nick put a hand on her shoulder._

_“You believe me? You trust me?”_

_“If you really want us with you, you have to come with us. Now. We’ll get away from them. We’ll take these supplies…” Nick motioned to all the things they had gathered. “…and we’ll go. That’s how we start trusting you again.”_

A bit of static in the old camera’s viewfinder and then a white wall appeared, before a tall man walked into the shot and sat down on the old stool Nick presumed Althea had set there. He was the next one to tell his story. He was older than the girl, maybe late thirties, with a full beard and long, wavy brown hair, a cowboy hat on his head. He did look like a goddamn comic book character. He had a few bruises as well, but he was definitely less hurt than the girl who told her story before him. 

His name was Santiago. He worked as a gym teacher before the apocalypse hit and lived in that same community they had all been living now, with his wife and his daughter. He was one of the people that helped rescuing the ones that got caught on the flood, bringing them back to the infirmary of their community. He raved on about how great their doctor was. “A miracle worker, you should see the guy in room fifteen”.

“It has been a few weeks now.” The man sighed, looking at the camera. “I still can’t believe those _hijos de puta_ are all dead and we got so much water.” He laughed, adjusting his hat. “At least we saved all those people. ‘El Señor levanta a los humildes, a los malvados hunde en la tierra’(The Lord sustains the humble, but casts the wicked to the ground).” He added in a serious tone, lifting one of his eyebrows as he nodded. “Not one life lost.” He smiled gladly.

 _One_ life lost.

_They quickly put all the supplies they had already gathered inside the trunk of Madison’s car. The clothes, the packs of snacks, the few weapons. For a few hours, they searched the remaining houses for more things and managed to find a good amount of canned goods, more cheap snacks and, of course, more clothes. They loaded everything into Althea’s van, as the car was at it’s capacity now._

_They decided to drive as far away as possible as they could before the sun went down. Not like they couldn’t drive during the night, but they knew Mel would be suspicious of Madison not being back by nightfall. Spending the night in the middle of the road with infected everywhere was dangerous enough as it is, they didn’t need to be chased by the Vultures to make things worse. It was better to find a place to hide and lay low until morning, at least._

_Lucikly, they managed to find a motel on the side of the road. It actually didn’t look half bad. There was running water, plenty of rooms for everyone – of course – and quite comfortable, nice looking beds. Everything was very cheap and tacky, but who cares about that during the apocalypse when you get to eat, take a shower and sleep in a bed without having to worry about being bit by a rotting corpse in the middle of the night?_

_Everyone got to choose their own room, a luxury they hadn’t had in quite a while. They were luckier than most people, sure, as they had had their own rooms in the Diamond just a few months back, but when you get used to this kind of thing, it’s not very easy going back to sleeping on the floor. They chose a separate room for the supplies and kept everything in there – Madison and Alicia had a key to this room._

_As soon as he set up his bag on top of his bed, Nick headed to the lobby to wait for everyone, as they agreed to eat something together before going to bed._

A few seconds of static again as the tape probably rolled to the next video. A pair of boots showed up, then what Nick presumed to be Althea’s hand came very close to the screen, and the image became blurry. Nick chuckled.

“Just a second, I’m adjusting the lens. Camera’s acting up.”

She then walked a few steps and sat on what appeared to be a chair, close to the edge of a bed. A few more seconds and the image was crystal-clear again.

“Done. Whenever you’re ready.”

And as the camera went up, Nick froze.

“I, uhm…”

His eyes burned and his breath caught in his throat.

“I’m Troy.”

No. It couldn’t be. It couldn’t be real. Could it?

“I… Uhm… I’m not sure what I’m supposed to say.” He smiled slightly, furrowing his eyebrows a bit. 

“Whatever you wanna tell me.” Althea replied in a gentle tone from behind the camera.

He was alive. He was alive and well. He was okay and he was smiling. Nick bit his lip trying to hold back a sob, but his face already felt warm and his eyes were watering. He couldn’t believe it.

“Well… I woke up a few days ago. They said I was out for a few weeks; even got a room for myself. Pretty big hit, apparently.” He pointed to the huge bandage that covered the upper left side of his face, chuckling softly.

Nick couldn’t help but feel a lump starting to grow in his throat as he did his best to not avert his gaze and look at his mother on the other side of the room. 

“Don’t really remember how it happened, though. But it’ll probably come to me, I guess. _I hope._ ” He chuckled. “Just wish I could remember what happened to my group. I know the dam blew up. The doc told me everything when my brain was finally working enough for me to ask.” He laughed. “But I don’t know what happened to them. He said a man brought me in and asked him to save me, but when he described the guy, it wasn’t who I was looking for, so…” He shrugged. “I don’t know… I hope he’s okay. Hope he made it out alive.” He smiled sadly.

And static.

Nick pressed the rewind button as the tears kept rolling down his cheeks. He couldn’t believe it. This whole time. He was alive. He was okay.

“Nick?” Alicia’s worried voice interrupted the boy’s bittersweet moment and he looked up from the camera’s viewfinder to see his sister quickly rushing towards him. “What is it, what happened?”

He opened his mouth and tried to speak. But he couldn’t. He just gave her the camera and let her see for herself. In a matter of seconds, his sister became wide-eyed in shock.

“What is it, Alicia?” Madison stood up from her seat, just as worried and a tad bit annoyed.

Alicia looked up from the camera to her mother, still astonished.

“Troy.” 

“Troy? Troy what?” Madison yelped, walking towards the siblings.

“He’s alive.” She extended the camera to her mother, who took it to see the footage playing on the viewfinder. Alicia sat down by her brother’s side, wrapping her arm around him and rubbing his back reassuringly.

Althea had made her way towards them, confused by the situation, of course, but also worried as it was something involving her camera and one of her tapes and she had no idea what was going on. 

“What’s happening?”

“He’s alive, Althea…” Nick said weakly, his gaze going from the camera to the woman staring at him. She quickly looked at the camera Madison had in her hands. 

Luciana had made their way towards the group as well, eager to see what the commotion was about, leaving only Strand still sitting on the couch in the center of the lobby. 

“That’s him? That’s _your_ Troy? But you told me…” She glanced at Madison.

“I… I don’t know how.” His lips trembled. “But he is.”

Strand had finally made his way to the group, silently.

“I know how.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How?
> 
> The song is Stakes, by Vancouver Sleep Clinic.
> 
> Hope you liked this. <3


	7. Wildfire

“I know how.”

Strand finally said and Nick quickly turned his head to look at the man.

“You? You know how Troy is alive?”

“Victor.” Madison reprimanded the man between gritted teeth.

“It’s been long enough. And he knows the boy is alive anyways.”

“What’s done is done. I just got my family back. Don’t take it away from me, Victor.” Madison stared at the man, fuming.

“I’m not taking anything away from you, Madison. I am simply telling the truth. I’ve hid it for too long.” Strand chuckled humorlessly and looked at Nick. “If it wasn’t for you, I probably wouldn’t even have a consciousness, boy. The man you met wouldn’t feel guilty about hiding this for so long, but I’m sorry. I truly am…”

“Victor. Stop.”

“It’s too late now, Madison. They know he is alive and I have already brought up the fact that we know how. Like you said, what’s done is done.”

Madison’s gaze quickly went from Victor to her son’s confused and hurt expression.

“I’m not gonna stand here and listen to this.” She said before quickly taking off from the lobby, going straight to her room. She knew the conversation they were about to have was one she certainly did not want to be a part of.

“Strand… How?” Nick asked quietly, still shaken up. As much as he wanted to go after his mother and yell at her for knowing about it this whole time, it would have to wait. Knowing what happened was more important.

Strand sat down on the couch besides Nick, looking down at the ground and taking a deep breath. He knew the story he was about to tell would probably change the way everyone in that room looked at him, but that was something he had already taken into consideration when he agreed on doing what he did, over a year ago.

He sighed and clasped his hands together.

“Well, after the Zodiac turned over, we got lost in the water… I managed to swim to the margin of the river, but I passed out from exhaustion and this… couple helped me. I woke up with them carrying me to what they told me was the community they lived in. They said they had a doctor that could help me.” Strand ran his hands along his thighs, nervously.

He was doing his best to not look at his younger friend as he couldn’t bare the feeling of guilt that took over him, as the words came out of his lips while telling the story.

“But I told them I didn’t need a doctor, I just needed to find my group. So I just ran back and…” He sighed. “It was a terrible sight. People were being dragged by the water… Piled on top of one another where the flood began to seep. That couple that helped me… They had a big group picking up the survivors and taking them to their community.”

Alicia, still sitting by Nick’s side, held him tightly with the one arm she had wrapped around his shoulder. He had his head hung low, a blank expression on his face as he heard Strand’s words. If this wasn’t an easy story for her, she couldn’t imagine how it was for him, specially so long after it had happened. 

“I ran around for a while, looking for all of you. I found your mother doing the same and we went looking for Alicia.” Strand quickly lifted his face to gaze at the young girl sitting next to her brother.

“Yeah… I also managed to swim to the margin. But… When mom found me, you weren’t with her. She told me she had found you, but I didn’t see you.” Alicia furrowed her brows, looking at Victor.

“Exactly…” The man nodded. “Before we found you, Nick… Before we found Alicia… One of those bodies on that pile… It was Troy.”

_“I can’t believe it! How did he get here?” Madison asked, looking at Victor with a puzzled yet angry expression._

_“I don’t know, Madison. Does it matter? The boy is dead. Leave it be. We have to look for Nick and Alicia.” Strand declared._

_Before Madison could agree with the man, a sudden movement caught her eye. Troy’s chest rose up very slowly and if she hadn’t been looking straight at him when it happened, she would’ve missed it completely. But she had seen it._

_“Look, he’s alive!” She chucked cynically, rolling her eyes. “Bastard did say he doesn’t surrender…” She walked up to him, taking the knife off her boot._

_“Madison!” Strand grabbed her arm before she could reach Troy’s weak body. “He’s already dying and, as soon as we find your kids, we’re leaving. There’s no need for this. Let’s just go.”_

_Madison quickly looked from Victor back to Troy and mulled her options over for a second, before sighing and nodding back to Victor._

_“Let him rot.” She walked past Victor to go the other direction, the man following right behind._

_They walked for a few feet before Strand grabbed Madison’s shoulder and she stopped walking to turn around and face him._

_“Hey, listen. This place is big. If we split up, we’ll cover more ground. Go that way and I’ll go the other. We have more chances of finding Nick and Alicia like this.”_

_“Ok, good plan.”_

_As soon as Madison was out of his sight, Strand went back to the pile of bodies where Troy lied weak and almost lifeless. For some reason, he knew he couldn’t leave him like that. He hadn’t known him. He had barely even spoken to the young man, but he knew that boy meant something to Nick and his mother simply killed him and wouldn’t let it go. He just knew there was something more._

_He saw the look in Nick’s face as he told Proctor John his mother had killed Troy. He saw the boy swallowing hard as his mother justified her actions by saying ‘he was more threat than friend’. Nick was never one to shut up and not speak his mind. To not act on how he felt. Unless he was scared. And because Strand was the same, he knew there was only one fear strong enough to hold him back like that. Strand knew that feeling all too well._

_He sighed in relief when he saw Troy still lied there and that he was still breathing. One of the people from the nearby communities saw him trying to grab Troy and helped him pick the boy up and carry him._

_“You know this boy?” The strange man asked as they carefully lifted Troy up from the ground._

_“No, just thought I should help.” Strand answered with a nervous smile._

_“I see. We take him to my community then. This one is going to take work.” The man nodded at the huge bruise in Troy’s temple. “But our doctor is great. And God is even greater. He will be fine.” The man smiled, reassuringly._

“Nick, wait!” Alicia said as her brother ran up the stairs to the second floor of the motel, heading straight to their mother’s room. She knew he was about to snap at her and she wanted to avoid that.

He had every right to do it, that was not the issue at hand at all. However, arguing with her, going over the whole thing again… It would just hurt him more and it would be pointless. Madison wouldn’t change. They tried for so long and she never did. Why would she now? 

_We keep trying to make her love us. She’s broken._

“Nick, stop!” She grabbed his arm and he turned around to look at her, his eyes filled with anger. “What are you going to do? Just scream at her? What’s the point?”

“She tried to kill him, Licia! _Twice_. And she let me believe he was dead this whole time!” Nick yelled in response. “I can’t just let it go!”

“Then don’t. But what’s the point in screaming at her now? What’s that going to accomplish?” She put both her hands on his shoulders and looked into his eyes. “Nick… He is alive. You counted the days when you thought he was dead… But _he is alive._ ” She raised her eyebrows and nodded her head to the open road.

Nick looked at her with a puzzled and scared expression on his face, at the same time expecting and fearing what he knew she was about to say.

“Go.” She whispered.

“Licia… I-I can’t leave you.”

“When I asked you to stay, you did, even though you didn’t want to… You stayed because I needed you.” She took one of his hands in hers. “Now I’m asking you to go, because I know that’s what you want _and_ what you need to do.” Alicia squeezed his hand. “You go. I’ll find you. I’m not done annoying you yet.” She smiled softly.

Nick wrapped his arms tightly around his sister, a flood of emotions going through him. He was thankful, hopeful, angry, sad, confused, anxious… Everything was extremely bittersweet, but he honestly had no time to process all those feelings. He had to move quickly. He kissed his sister’s forehead before letting go of her. 

“Wait.” She looked inside her pocket and then handed him a key. “Take some stuff for the road. It’s maybe eighteen, twenty hours driving. You’ll need it. Slip the key under my door after.” She smiled. “Now go, go.” 

He went straight to his bedroom, right at the bottom of the staircase, and picked up his bag, some pillows and a comforter. He ran to the back of the motel, where Madison’s car was parked, and put it all in the backseat. Going back to the bedroom where they had been keeping the supplies, he took one of the empty bags and filled it with a few cans of food and three bottles of water. 

It was honestly crazy to just get up and go. How could he even be sure that he would still be there? That he would even find the right place? But he just had to go. He had to try. He spent so long with his hands tied and this was the first time he could actually do something about his pain… He didn’t care if the Vultures were looking for them anymore and if being on the road would make it easier for him to be found. He just had to go.

There was a strange mixture of excitement in his heart as he locked the supply room. There was anxiousness as he slipped the key under Alicia’s door. There was fear as he made his way towards the car to finally put the last bag on the passenger seat and take on the road. There was surprise when he found someone was waiting for him by the car now.

“You’re leaving?”

“Luci.” He let out a breath.

“You’re going after him?”

“I… Yes.”

“You don’t even know if he’s still alive, Nick. It’s been over a year. And you’re going to leave all of us for him?”

“It’s just something I have to do. I don’t expect you to understand.”

“Try me.”

“Luci, you didn’t know him, okay?”

Luciana sighed and ran a hand through her hair, staring at the ground as she crossed her arms over her chest. None of them said anything for a moment, an uncomfortable silence taking over.

“Alicia told me about it. About him, about you two.”

“What do you mean about _us_?” Nick frowned, genuinely confused. Alicia had been there for him all those months, but he had never really voiced his feelings and all that went through his mind. What could she have possibly told Luciana?

“You don’t have to tell her things for her to know. She’s your sister, Nick.”

Nick looked down and sighed.

“Can I ask you something?”

He lifted his head to look at her and nodded affirmatively. 

“Do you…” She closed her eyes for a second and sighed, not actually able to say the words. 

“I do.” He bit his lip, knowing his words might hurt her, but simply not being able to lie at this point.

She opened her eyes, a look of disappointment in her face as she gulped and nodded, before walking over to the boy and giving him a tight hug.

“Good luck, Nick.”

She let go of him and the boy watched her walk away, back to the front of the motel and then out of his sight. He knew she didn’t agree with his decision; hell, she probably hated Troy with every fiber of her being and he honestly couldn’t blame her, but he was thankful that she at least didn’t give him trouble for it. She even wished him good luck. He smiled, a little relieved, as he entered the car and started the engine.

As he got out of the parking spot and went straight into the road, he noticed Alicia standing on the balcony of the second floor of the motel. He smiled seeing the image of his sister slowly disappeared from his rearview mirror as he went ahead on the road into the night. 

*** 

Nick had been on the road for over a day now. He had stopped for a meal and a few hours of sleep when he became too tired to drive. His mind was racing too much, however, so he barely got any rest when he laid down on the backseat. Two or three hours of sleep, perhaps, and that would definitely be an optimistic guess. Truth was, whenever he wasn’t using, Nick had never been one to sleep for too long. His head was always too much of a mess; there was never peace.

After a few hours, he started to recognize the buildings around him. The road, the signs in Spanish pointing the way to the old Dam… He ran his left hand over his jeans, drying the sweat off his palm; his right one still gripping tight at the steering wheel as he quickly parked the car on the side of the street.

That was it. He was there. Was he ready for this? For whatever would come out of that? Less than forty-eight hours ago Nick was sure he was dead. He had mourned him, gotten mad at his mother because of it, tried to move on with his life… But he was alive and now… Well, what now? 

He looked ahead and realized he had parked right in front of the pathway where the water had lead his body that day. He frowned as his lips curved into a bittersweet smile. He had tried so hard that day and he had spent such a miserable year, going over everything… And now he was back. But everything would be okay. Right?

He sighed and looked around. He maybe should have asked Althea for directions, but on the rush of leaving before his mother noticed and tried to stop him, he hadn’t even thought of doing that. She had told him the community was near the Dam, however, so he decided to drive around looking for it. He’d either find it or find someone to take him there. 

It didn’t take him long, luckily, as a few streets over, there was a big sign. _Morelos_. Just like the labeled tape he had found inside Althea’s bag. The tape where he saw Troy. He smiled looking at what he assumed was the front gate, now completely barricaded. There it was. Morelos. It was a gated community, it seemed. Looked very out of place when compared to the rest of the neighborhood. 

_“I’d gentrify the shit out of El Sereno.”_ He remembered Victor saying that to him when they first met and he laughed. Maybe that was the case. Snooty rich people always trying to meddle.

He parked still a few feet away from the entrance, exiting the car cautiously with his knife in hand. He looked around and saw another car coming down the street. He quickly ran to the other side of his truck, ducking behind the door to hide as he could possibly be in danger. Nick waited for the car the get closer and noticed it parking in front of the gate of the community. 

A woman, maybe around her late twenties, long brown hair up in a ponytail, came out of the driver’s side and walked over to the metal gate. She banged on it and screamed something in Spanish he couldn’t quite understand. The gate then slowly started to open, two men holding guns waiting on the other side of it.

Nick put his knife back inside his boot and slowly stood up from behind his truck, holding his hands up as a sign of peace. The two men quickly pointed his guns at him, the woman doing the same after taking the gun off her belt. 

“ _H-hola! No voy… a hacer nada!_ (Hi, I’m not going to do anything!)” Nick started in his broken, rusty Spanish, walking around the truck. “ _Necesito ayuda, por favor._ (I need help, please.)” He slowly stepped closer to the trio standing in front of the gate.

The three of them stared at the boy still in fighting position, ready to shoot if he tried anything, but in reality, they knew he looked harmless. At least when he had his hands up and that child-like look in his face, that is. The woman squinted at Nick before nodding her head at the men, who lowered their weapons after she did the same.

“Your spanish sucks, gringo!” She gave him a sly smile and motioned for him to come closer. “We lowered our guns. But we can still take you out. Don’t try anything funny.” The boy walked towards her slowly, still somewhat cautious, but more determined “What do you need?” She eyed him up and down.

“I’m looking for someone. I think he lives in there.” Nick pointed to the gate. “I’m not sure if he’s actually in there…” Nick looked down, trying to organize his thoughts. “I know someone who used to live here and she…”

“What’s his name?” She interrupted. “Maybe I know him.”

“Troy.”

The woman looked over to the two men standing behind him, both of them shrugging at her as a response. She sighed and turned back to look at Nick.

“Listen…” Nick sighed in disappointment as soon as the woman started. “We have around three hundred people living in here, maybe more. It’s a big place. The name doesn’t ring a bell… But you’re welcome to ask around. Maybe someone knows him.” She shrugged, looking at the boy, who simply nodded and mouthed a thank you. “Come, Diego will go with you.” She nudged the taller guy with shoulder-length blonde hair, who then took a step back so Nick could go inside.

“Diego!” The girl yelled back from the gate, after Nick and the blonde man had walked a few feet away already. “ _Si no encuentras al tipo, llévalo a la oficina principal y habla con Pascoal, tal vez lo conozca._ (If you don’t find the guy, take him to the main office and talk to Pascoal, maybe he knows him.)” She shrugged. “Hey, gringo, name’s Helena. I work in the armory. If you need anything else, come by later. Diego will show you.” She gave Nick a friendly smile.

Nick and the man he now knew as Diego walked for a few feet in silence, the younger boy’s mind racing as he began to realize this whole trip had been for nothing. Over a whole year had passed. Of course, Troy wouldn’t still be here, in Mexico of all places. He had been naive to think it would be that easy. He was immensely glad to, at least, know Troy had made it out alive, after all, that was true; but there was sure a bittersweet feeling now to knowing that he was lost again and his fate after that tape, unknown. 

“What does he look like? This boy you are looking for? Maybe I know him.” Diego broke the silence, driving Nick away from his trail of thoughts.

“Uhm… He’s about yay high.” Nick placed his hand a few inches above his head. “He’s white… As you may have figured out from his name.” Nick chuckled, and then looked down at the ground as he kept walking. “He has blue eyes and light brown hair… He also had a stubble, but he might have shaved.” Nick smiled sadly. “And well, he might have a pretty big scar on his face now…” he said, slowly placing his fingers on his temple, before dropping his hand back down. “…but I haven’t seen him in a while, so that’s just a guess.” He shrugged.

“Eh, doesn’t ring a bell. Sorry.” The man said, apologetically, to which Nick simply nodded. “But hey, me and Helena, we’ve only been here for three weeks or so. And I always take a lot of night shifts on the gate, so that doesn’t mean anything.” He added, reassuringly.

The two made their way to each and every important building in the community, Diego telling Nick all about the place and how their community worked as they asked people whether they knew about “a tall white guy named Troy”. The kitchen, the dining hall, the pantry… They even had a place to teach small children how to read and other basic stuff, which made Nick smile, despite everything. But after leaving each place to only negative answers, Nick had definitely lost hope. 

Diego led him to the place Helena had told him about, the main office; to talk to the man they called Pascoal, who seemed to be the leader of the place. As they entered the office, Nick realized it was more like a repurposed living room with an old wooden desk and a few scattered chairs; the couches did look comfortable, he had to admit. Diego walked around the place, opening doors and calling for Pascoal, but to no avail.

“Listen, kid.” Diego turned to face Nick. “Sit, make yourself comfortable. I’m gonna look for Pascoal. If he’s not here, he must be in the armory. I’ll go get him. If your boy’s here, Pascoal is the one who is going to know him. I’ll be right back.” Nick nodded as the man turned around and left, quickly going down the steps of the stairs outside the main office.

Nick slumped on the couch and looked up at the ceiling. Truth was, he had been numb since the moment Helena told him she didn’t know about anyone named Troy. The universe had already been to kind to him, letting him know that Troy had made it out alive and safe. To actually have him still be in the same place, over a year later? Nick hadn’t stayed in the same place, why would Troy?

He was relieved and thankful, honestly, he just wished he hadn’t built his expectations so high. He sighed and sat up on the couch, then slouching over and resting his elbows on his knees, looking down at his feet. Maybe he should just leave before they came back. Stop wasting their time, stop wasting his own time. Troy having made it out was enough. Sure, he would like to know if he was still okay, but that’s just simply not how life works most of the time.

Most of the time, things don’t go the right way or the way people deserve it to go. Most of the time, people don’t meet again and things don’t fall back into place. Most of the time, life just goes on and, as much as it hurts, the only way to deal is to accept whatever fate throws in the way. Most of the time, there are no do overs or reunions or happy endings.

And then he heard it.

“Nick?”

Most of the time… But sometimes, there are.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, everyone! 
> 
> First of all, I'm sorry for taking so long to update. I was sick for a few days, then I had a big test to which I had to study for and, of course, my brazilian soul had a mourning period after we got eliminated from the World Cup. But the chapter's here now! I hope you enjoyed it! 
> 
> The song is Wildfire, by Seafret.
> 
> <3


	8. 10.000 Miles

_“What’s wrong with you?”_

_“I think we can be friends now.”_

_“Why do you care?”_

_“It’s good you’re alive.”_

_The memories played in his head like scenes from an old movie. Whenever he woke up, bits of his skin tingled lightly where they had touched in those moments – it almost felt like he was actually living through every second all over again. This wasn’t new; dreaming about him. It happened more often than he would have liked to admit and it hadn’t started recently either. It was much more painful now, however, than it had ever been before._

_They say you only value things when you lose them. The thing is, though, he had always valued him. In his own sick, twisted way, perhaps… But he did. He didn’t understand precisely how or why at first, but the moment he felt warmth brewing inside his chest instead of anger when his notebook was snatched out his pocket, he just knew this was different. And Troy was a sucker for understanding why things are the way they are. So he stuck around._

_Granted, he had been intrigued from the minute Nick defied him on the depot when he was talking to Travis. But many had defied him before and ended up dead anyway. There was something about those brown eyes... And thanks to the woman who later tried to kill him, things just underwent a different path with Nick._

_After remembering what she did to him, however, every night was a gamble on whether the dreams would be filled with the bittersweet memories of their moments together or if his brain would trick him into seeing Nick’s head instead of his own on the other end of that hammer._

_He had woken up after a little over a week in a coma. Eventually, he was told a man had brought him there and pleaded for his life to be saved. When he asked about the man and the first thing they mentioned about his appearance wasn't his shaggy hair, however… Troy just stopped listening. He was still thankful, whoever that man was, it’s just… He wasn't Nick._

_It took him weeks to be able to even function properly again. As soon as he opened his eyes, he wanted to get out of there. But his head hurt, his throat was sore, he was weak, he couldn’t even sit up, let alone walk… He hated every second of the first few weeks after being awake._

_Despite all of his anger and all the trouble he caused to everyone who tried to help him in that “hospital bed” – if he could even call it that – they never even mentioned giving up on him. For months, they treated his wounds, they fed him, they nursed him back to health. They helped him literally get back on his feet. If Big Otto could see him now…_

_When Troy was finally able to move out of the infirmary building, he learned he had been living there for nearly five months. He felt his chest heavy when he even considered the possibility of Nick being… But he refused to even allow his mind to finish that thought, because he just knew there was no way Nick wouldn’t have survived._

_Pascoal, the leader of the community, was a kind man. One who had taken a liking to Troy for some reason and helped him a lot whenever he could. He was the only one Troy actually talked to – yes, the youngest Otto had learned and bettered himself a lot, indeed, but his social skills were still lacking. Pascoal worried every time Troy left in the early mornings to go look for Nick and sighed in relief when he saw him walking through the gates in the first few hours after sunset._

_Eventually, with much convincing from Pascoal’s part, Troy realized that Nick probably made it alive from the dam, after all; he had just gone away somewhere else, most likely with his family. He had to tell himself that, wherever he was, Nick was probably safe and okay, even if he could never be sure. He had to move on. Sooner or later, one way or another… Right?_

_Pascoal then put Troy to work at the orchard, as the young man had told him a little about the ranch, therefore, his knowledge of seeds and such would make him a useful asset for the group that worked on the crops. Also considering the fact that it was one of the few jobs he could do, given his condition. Sure, he had been out of the infirmary for a while now, but he wasn’t the same guy who lead the Broke Jaw Ranch Militia. Not in the closest. Not right now, at least._

_Troy knew there was no way he would work in the armory or even get one of the shifts in the fence right away. Not only because he just couldn’t do the job anymore – and that frustrated him more than he could put into words – but because these people actually cared about his well-being, even if they didn't know him that well. That, however, didn’t stop the late night practices cleaning the fences on the back of the land – he didn’t ask to live in the lodge far from everything else for no reason. And it didn’t stop him from eventually “borrowing” a gun or two from the armory. They really needed to keep an inventory, but he wasn’t going to be the one to tell them that._

_He was grateful, of course, and he didn’t mean to deceive them. But he also wasn’t dumb. This was the end of the world and the guy he was before… That guy could survive anything, no problem. This Troy? He wouldn’t last a day alone out there and he knew that. And he needed to do something about it, even if it was behind everyone else’s back. Just for a while, just until he could convince doctor Santos and Pascoal that he was well enough to practice shooting again._

_Troy finally mustered up the courage to get out of bed after stalling for a solid half hour. He would get up really quickly whenever he had nightmares, but he allowed himself to stay in bed a little longer when he got a good night's rest. He was never that lazy back at the ranch, but being in a coma after having his head bashed in with a hammer was probably a solid excuse for his new… habits. Granted his late mornings were still earlier than most people's early days, but still, he felt like a whole new person. Or something like that._

_It was nice to have a place for himself, away from everyone else. Yes, he had the advantage of practicing killing the infected at night away from everyone, but the place really was pretty good and no one else wanted to be that far from the main area, so it was perfect for him. He managed to read a lot of books – Pascoal had quite a collection in his office – and write a lot on his brand new notebook, as he sat on the porch at night. It was nice and quiet._

_After eating his breakfast at the dining hall, Troy walked up to the shed next to the main office to pick up some tools and packs of seeds, as it was time to start growing some different varieties of seeds on certain areas of the crops. He then made his way to the orchard to start his day of work. It was a mostly mechanical process at this point, honestly. He barely had to think about the task he performed and even less pay attention. But he did his best to focus, because otherwise his mind would wander into dangerous territory. Perhaps it was best to try and socialize, but that was never his strong suit. That was Jake’s. Troy's strong suit was… He shook his head every time thoughts like this came to surface._

_A few of the other workers eventually exchanged a few words with him here or there – he was actually picking up on some new Spanish words and he was pretty good – but rarely was a longer conversation stricken. Not for lack of trying of either part, it was just that Troy didn't really look or talk like the most welcoming and warm guy ever and no one was about to push the weird gringo who lived alone in the lodge._

_He had made a life for himself in that community and he was satisfied with it. He wasn’t happy, of course, but he quite honestly never expected to be – he had never been happy before, why would that change now? He would often wonder what was out there, not just now, but even back at the ranch. His whole life had been about that place, he had never really gotten out to see the world and, even now, after everything, there he was stuck in one place again._

_Not that he would ever complain about having his own place, a comfortable bed, food, shower and all sorts of small luxuries. He knew he got lucky and had it better than a lot of people – probably most people, if he was being honest. But he could never stop himself from wondering about and even sometimes planning to go away. Maybe someday, he always thought to himself._

_After a few hours of work, Troy had been done with his self-assigned task for the day and decided to finally get something to eat. He had, as usual, stayed in the orchard to work for a few more hours while everyone else took a break around noon to eat lunch. Work comes first, he thought back at the ranch and he still had that mindset even now. A lot had changed, but some things never do._

_The young man walked to the shed next to the main office to put the tools away, noticing there were only a few packets of seeds left, which would likely be an issue in a few weeks. He made a mental note to think about this later, after he had gotten some food in his stomach. He walked towards the dining hall, going straight to the restrooms on the other side of the serving tables to wash his hands before eating. And to splash some water on his face to cool off after so many hours under the hot sun. Summers were hard in California, but the weather in Mexico was something else._

_After finally eating his meal, he decided to head to Pascoal’s office to talk about the problem with the seeds so they could figure something out – maybe go on a run to search for more or something along those lines. He calmly walked up the stairs that led to the main office, stopping dead in his track as soon as he lifted his head and saw someone sitting on the couch, their back turned to the door._

_He held his breath, thinking that he had finally gone insane and this was definite proof. For a second, that felt to him like hours, it seemed like the world stopped turning. Either he had really finally lost his mind or he was simply mistaken._

But he would have recognized that shaggy hair anywhere.

“Nick?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shorter chapter than usual, because I wanted to give a little flashback/Troy's perspective before - what you know now it's going to be - the reunion. Next chapter is going to have the usual length, I promise.
> 
> Song is 10.000 Miles by Sleeping At Last. 
> 
> Hope you enjoyed this chapter! xx


	9. Someone To Stay

“Nick?”

As soon as he heard his name – and that voice –, the hairs on the back of his neck stood up and a lump formed in his throat. His mind kept telling him to get up and turn around, but his body was frozen in place, terrified that actually doing it would show him he had heard wrong or even hallucinated. 

But he would recognize that voice anywhere.

“Nick… Is… Is that you?”

If he was wrong about what he had heard, if he was indeed about to be disappointed once more, there was no point in stalling, might as well just get it over with already. Nick abruptly stood up from the couch and turned around – _‘rip it off like a Band-Aid’_ , he thought. 

As Nick turned around, ready for whatever fate was about to throw at him, a breath got caught in his throat. There they were… Those eyes. There _he_ was. _Troy_. Who, as soon as Nick turned, let out a heavy sigh escape his lips as they curved upwards into a heartfelt smile. Nick couldn’t help but smile back, his whole body relaxing and his mind feeling finally relieved – and thankful, happy, ecstatic and all these other things he couldn’t quite name. 

He briefly mentally thanked God for the hot weather in Mexico, because he could actually feel his whole body getting warm as they stood there, just an old leather couch between them, staring at each other for a few seconds that seemed to last hours. They were both still processing the simple sight of one another before actually being able to do or say anything else.

For a whole year, he had never even considered this possibility. The two of them, alive and well, face to face – even smiling, for God’s sake! For the past twenty for hours, however, this exact moment had been all he could think about and still he had no idea he would feel like this. Sure, he had already figured out _why he cared_ , but to actually see him again knowing that was how he felt…

“What… What are you doing here? How?” Troy asked before Nick could even say anything, a puzzled expression in his face, but the smile hadn’t left his lips. His stubble was still there too.

“Thanks for the reception, man.” Nick joked, smiling. He had no idea how a joke could come out of his lips at that moment, seeing as his mind was a mess, but he had no complaints on that front, seeing as he at least managed to get proper words out.

“Sorry.” Troy chuckled, running his hand through his hair shyly, disbelief still plastered in his face. “You know what I mean. How? I… I didn’t even know if you were alive. I hoped you were, but… I searched for you around these parts for weeks and...” He shook his head.

“You did?” Nick interrupted; his heart stinging.

“Yeah… I mean… It took some time to recover after…” He pointed to the scar on the left side of his forehead and Nick frowned a bit, wondering if he now remembered what had happened. “But I figured you could still be around... Didn’t have anyone else…” He shrugged.

“Troy, I…”

“Ah! You found him!” A man, perhaps around his early fifties, interrupted Nick as he came walking up the front steps of the main office, putting a hand on Troy’s shoulder and then sticking his arm out to greet Nick. “I’m Pascoal. Nice to meet you, Nick, is it?” 

“Yes. Nice to meet you.” Nick smiled back, greeting Pascoal, who then stood between him and Troy.

“Well, Diego told me you were looking for someone named Troy, but I see you found him already.” He smiled. “Diego and Helena are new. Haven’t been in the community for long.” Pascoal explained. “And Troy here is definitely not a people person, so it’s not a surprise they don’t know each other. Yet.” He winked at Nick, who looked at Troy and chuckled lightly. “I’m putting Diego to work on the orchard soon. Then he’ll get to know Troy, maybe learn a thing or two about the crops, huh?” The man patted Troy on the back and smiled, before heading to sit on the large office chair behind his desk. “Well, you two should go catch up; we’ll talk later. I have some work to do anyways.” 

The two boys smiled courtly before turning around to leave Pascoal’s office. Five minutes ago, Nick had been beating himself up over how stupid it was to hope that Troy was still there, even if he was alive and now they were heading out, walking side by side, like nothing had happened, like not a day had gone by of them not being around each other.

As they headed out of the office, having only taken a few steps down the stairs, they heard Pascoal’s voice call them again.

“You staying with us, Nick?” The man asked quickly in a louder tone. “We can get you a bunk for tonight and settle you in somewhere in a few days.”

Nick turned around to look at the man, unsure of what to answer, and then he gazed at Troy, who was staring at the ground. Was he staying? Could he stay? Should he? Well, he wanted to.

“Sure.” Nick looked back at Pascoal and shrugged. “I’m staying, if that’s okay. Thanks for offering.” He smiled politely.

“He can stay at my place.” Troy said and Nick immediately turned to look at him. “I have the room and Nicky here is not a people person either. He wouldn’t like having a bunk.” Troy joked, looking at Nick who chuckled back at his joke. Thing is… Nick had always been a people person – Troy knew that.

“Alright, then. See you two at dinner.” Pascoal waved them goodbye as they finally left his office this time.

They walked down the steps and Nick simply followed Troy as the older boy made his way down the pathway that led back to the main street of the community. Troy looked to his left before glancing over at Nick and furrowing his brows.

“Did you come empty handed?”

“Oh.” Nick laughed. “I didn’t, actually.” He put one hand in his pocket and pointed back with his other one. “My car and my bag are outside.”

“Let’s go then.” Troy said, walking past Nick and walking over to the gate, a few feet away. “Park the car inside. It’s safer.” He added, already further down the way than Nick, who hadn’t even started to walk yet.

-

It hadn’t sunk in yet. Here they were, just like they had been many times before – well, not here _here_ , but together… Walking under the warm sunlight, side by side, glancing at each other occasionally in an oddly comfortable silence, the corners of their lips quirking up in shy half smiles… But it hadn’t completely sunk in that he was alive and okay. He had been alive and okay this whole time. And as much as he hated that it took him this long to find out, what mattered is that he did and that here they were. 

Troy parked the car just outside of a small lodge across a large field where they cultivated crops. A few people still worked, but most had already left, seeing as the sun would begin to set in maybe an hour or two, at most. The two of them got out of the car, Nick picking up his belongings from the backseat and Troy heading over to the front door to open it.

“You got this all for yourself?” Nick asked, walking inside the lodge after Troy and looking around. “And other people have to share bunk beds over there?” He scoffed.

“Lucky, right?” Troy huffed, going back to close the door behind Nick. “Place is not that big, actually. Got this living room here with the kitchen, but no gas or electricity, so I can’t cook anything. Not that I know how, anyways.” He joked, making both of them chuckle lightly. “Water works, though, so that’s good. Then the bedroom and the bathroom.” He nodded to the other two rooms. “I actually got this because it’s far from everything else and people would rather be close to the dining hall, the pantry, stuff like that.” He explained and Nick nodded. “And there are a lot of families in here, believe it or not. I’m alone, so this worked out just fine.” He shrugged.

“I see.” Nick nodded, still looking around the place.

It wasn’t half bad, if he was being honest. He hadn’t seen the bedroom or the bathroom yet, as both doors were closed, but the living room and kitchen were pretty decent. A nice couch, a comfortable-looking armchair and a coffee table in the living room and the kitchen had a stove and a fridge that didn’t work, but a squeaky-clean sink that did, plus a table with two chairs. There were a few water bottles and some fruits on the kitchen counter as well.

“Here.” Troy walked up to Nick. “I’ll put your bag in my room.” He extended his arm to pick the back from Nick’s hand. Nick quickly looked up and nodded, briefly meeting Troy’s gaze, before the boy turned around with Nick’s bag in hand and opened the door to the bedroom. “So…” He said, putting the bag on top of the bed before walking out and leaving the door open. “Wanna tell me how you got here, Nicky?” He smiled cleverly. 

-

“So they unleashed a horde of infected on you and she was staying with them anyways?” Troy had his eyebrows raised in surprise, however, he couldn’t help but chuckle when Nick nodded affirmatively, looking at the ground. “Guess the problem wasn’t the horde then… It really was me.” He scoffed.

Nick quickly turned to look at Troy, who was sitting by his side, still smiling faintly after the laughter. He opened his lips but it took a moment for the words to come out. This was the first time Nick had the opportunity to really look at Troy up close and he could see the lightly pink-toned scar on his otherwise flawless skin. Troy noticed the stare and lightly ran a finger over the scar before moving his hand to his hair and running his fingers through his curls. Nick’s heart stung.

“So you remember everything?” Nick squinted his eyes. It was pretty obvious that he did, but still, Nick was afraid of maybe asking the wrong question, of having stepped into dangerous territory. 

“Yeah… Took me a while, but it came back eventually.” Troy answered nonchalantly, like Nick had asked him about a soccer game or grocery shopping, not about an attempt on his life.

“I’m sorry.” Nick said in a low voice, looking down at the ground. He was almost too embarrassed to say the words but he knew he would be even more ashamed of himself if he didn’t say them. Troy furrowed his brows in confusion.

“Sorry for what? That wasn’t you hitting me with that hammer.” He mocked. “Unless I’m remembering wrong, then I’m going to have to withdraw the offer of you staying here.” He teased, trying to lighten up the mood.

“For not stopping her.” Nick looked up at him once again with pained eyes.

“Hey, hey… Nicky…” Troy said in a low voice, almost a whisper. He adjusted himself on the couch besides Nick, putting his hand on Nick’s arm. “Don’t. That’s not on you. And I’m okay now anyways.” He smiled reassuringly, but the other boy’s gaze went straight to Troy’s hand on his arm, which he removed quickly as soon as he noticed.

He adjusted himself on the couch again, slumping forward and propping his elbows on his knees before taking a deep breath.

“When I remembered, I was actually worried for you.” 

“For me?” Nick asked, confused, staring at Troy’s back as he was still sitting over on the edge of the couch.

“Yeah…” Troy looked at him over his shoulder for a second, before leaning back on the couch again besides him and sighing heavily. “I worried that she would be angry that you lied to help me and do the same to you.” He looked up at Nick.

“Don’t know if my mom would be that crazy.” He lied. He remembered every word he had said to her that day, when he pushed her into confessing that she would do the same to him if she had to. Lucky for her, Strand had interrupted him, so he never got a confirmation, but deep down… 

“Oh, I wouldn’t doubt her.” Troy snickered and Nick couldn’t help but do the same just a moment after. How fitting that Troy would joke about this, Nick thought, as he smiled to himself. 

They stayed in silence for a second, both of them mulling over their own thoughts and the last few minutes. It was a feeling like no other, finally being able to stay like this. The two of them, sharing each other’s company, at peace, no threats, no worries, no hurry. Still, Nick had so much he wanted to know, to ask, to talk about.

“So… You.” Nick quietly started breaking the silence and Troy turned to look at him with curious eyes “Living in Mexico, huh?” He teased and Troy cackled. “Who would’ve thought?”

“You don’t look a gift horse in the mouth, Nicky.” Troy affirmed and smiled cleverly, before sitting up straight. “Not saying I was immediately at home.” He huffed. “It did take me quite some time, I’m not gonna lie. I am Big Otto’s son, after all.” He tilted his head a bit and chuckled. “But I was trying, you know? Before…?” He looked at Nick and breathed in, apprehensively.

“I know.” Nick nodded and smiled reassuringly.

“Yeah…” Troy sighed. “And they helped. They could have given up on me after a while; I was in a goddamn coma.” He rolled his eyes playfully, but Nick’s brows were furrowed in a hurt expression he tried to hide; he hated thinking about this. “But they didn’t and now here I am.” He gestured to himself, smiling. 

“I’m glad you’re safe.” Nick smiled back.

They looked at each other for a brief second and it seemed like everything was finally at peace again. Yes, the dead were still walking the earth and eating the flesh of the living, but at least they were both alive and well. And together. 

Troy looked out the window and noticed the sun was almost completely set, so he stood up, motioning for Nick to do the same.

“Come on, Nicky. Time to eat.”

“This early? It’s not even dark out yet.” Nick turned to look at the window as he stood up from the couch and followed Troy. “Are you that hungry?”

“Oh, I’m not eating yet. I worked all day; I’m still taking a shower. You go first; I’ll meet you there in twenty.” He explained walking towards the bedroom to pick out clothes. “If I managed alone, you can too.” He said a little louder before Nick could protest and the other boy simply laughed.

Walking out the door, Nick strolled down the way across the field, observing the crops. The lodge wasn’t actually that far from the main area of the community, he thought, but he could see how people would hate having to walk back and forth all the time after working the whole day under the scalding sun. He took his time, walking slowly and admiring the view, certainly thankful for these oh so rare moments of peace in the middle of the apocalypse.

The sunlight was slowly sinking behind the rooftops of the houses built around the main street, the orange and amber tones of the sunset now turning into the purplish grey tones of the early night. Nick could see small groups of people – families and friends – excitedly talking as they made their way to where he assumed was the dining hall. He followed them, smiling as he realized that this had probably really been a good place for Troy to live all this time, even if he didn’t really interact with everyone that much. 

As Nick entered the dining hall – which was actually a gymnasium they had turned into a common area – he saw there were dozens of people scattered around the place. Some people were in line to get food from the tables set on the left, some already enjoyed their meals sat at the tables and others simply walked around the place and talked amongst each other.

A group of five or six kids came running from behind him, screaming some gibberish in Spanish and laughing. Nick jumped as they bumped into him, but couldn’t hold out a smile seeing these kids having so much fun and being so carefree. 

“Hay, gringo!” A voice came from behind him and Nick jumped again, then turning around to see Helena and Diego laughing softly behind him. “You are easy to scare! How did you survive this long being such a scaredy-cat?” 

“I’m not...” Nick started to protest, but stopped when he saw Helena arched one eyebrow looking at him, so he just rolled his eyes playfully. “I was just distracted, that’s all.” He shrugged, seeing Helena look up at Diego with a smirk on her face and laugh again. 

“Stop messing with him, Helena.” Diego said, wrapping his arm around her shoulder and chuckling. “So… Did you find your boy? Where is he?”

“Yeah, I did. He’s coming. Told me to come first, said he’d meet me here in twenty.” Nick shrugged.

“Come sit with us then. At least you won’t be standing here like a clown for twenty minutes.” Helena said jokingly. “And then we’ll get to meet him too. Come.” The girl nodded for Nick to follow her and Diego as they made their way to one of the lines to get food, which was much shorter by now than when Nick first arrived at the gymnasium.

Diego, Helena and Nick found seats quite close to the serving tables after the couple got their meals; Nick deciding that he was going to wait for Troy to eat, but he would, of course, still seat with them to keep them company. They talked for a few minutes; Diego telling the story of how he and Helena had gotten to the community just a while ago after being on the road for weeks. He told Nick how they met practically right after the world ended; how they got together and how they had been together until now.

It was sweet, really, and heart-warming, to see that the undead rising had actually come for the best for some people – including him, undoubtedly. Yes, he had lost many things and he had lost loved ones – Travis, Ofelia, Chris… But he had found himself. He was in his element. Nick wasn’t someone surviving the apocalypse, he was thriving. He found a purpose and things he was actually good at. And most of all, he had found the closest he had ever been to happiness.

“Hey.” Nick had his trail of thought interrupted by a hand quickly brushing his shoulder and he looked up. “Did you eat already?” Troy asked quietly, running his other hand through his damp curls. 

“No. I was waiting for you.” Nick replied, standing up from the chair still looking at Troy, who nodded in understanding. “Uh, yeah. So this is Helena and this is Diego.” Nick motioned to the couple sitting across the table. “Diego’s the one who showed me around today and took me to meet Pascoal.”

“Oh, hi.” Troy extended a hand to greet Diego and then Helena, smiling sympathetically. “Pleased to meet you.”

“So you’re Troy?” Helena asked, to which the boy nodded affirmatively. “We have two gringos now, then? How am I gonna differentiate between you two?” She teased and the group laughed quietly. “Gotta get you a different nickname.” She pointed at Troy.

“You go get your dinner or you won’t hear the end of this. She can be pretty annoying.” Diego rolled his eyes and laughed as he waved Nick and Troy to leave the table, which they quickly did with a smile on their faces after laughing at Helena as well.

The four of them finished their meals and talked for a while. Troy was indeed not a people-person, but Nick knew that. Still, it was nice to see that he made an effort to be nice and talk for a few minutes after dinner simply because these two had been nice to Nick. What was new to Nick, however, was this Troy that wasn’t in the slightest bit rude to these people because they weren’t white. Yes, the Troy he had last seen had been trying to get there, but the Troy he saw now in front of him… He was there already. Maybe not completely, not perfectly – but no one would ever be, right? Yet he was there. And that made him smile.

“Ay, we should go.” Helena declared suddenly, looking from Nick to Diego. “It’s late already. We should go to bed. Right?” She smiled. “And I bet these two wanna go to bed as well.” Helena nodded her head to the two boys sitting across the table and raising her eyebrows at Diego.

“Yes, you’re right.” Diego stood up, followed by Helena, who took his hand.

“Go to bed? It’s not late. It’s probably not even nine yet.” Troy said, furrowing his brows in confusion.

“I said we’re going to bed. Not that we’re sleeping.” She winked. “Have a good night, you two.” Helena teased, walking away with Diego. 

“Oh.” Troy looked at Nick, who chuckled at his expression. “That’s what she... Okay.” He looked down and chuckled. “Well, we should go too.” Troy said standing up from his chair and Nick’s eyes widened. “You’re probably tired from driving, right? Should get some sleep anyways.” He looked at Nick, who let out a sigh.

“Y-yeah. Let’s go.” Nick said standing up and shaking his head.

They took their time going back to Troy’s place. Diego had shown the place to Nick earlier, but only the basics, of course. Therefore, as they walked, Troy made sure to point out where all the other stuff was located. Where all the other accommodations were, the infirmary, the old pool house they now used as a daycare for the smaller kids, the library… It was an incredibly nice place to live even now; it must have been unbelievable before, Nick thought.

When they arrived at the lodge, Troy got in first and held the door for Nick to come in right after. He walked inside his room and Nick noticed there was a bed sheet and a pillow over the couch now, which made him smile – he had set the couch for him before they even got there. Troy came back from the bedroom with a towel in hand.

“Here.” He handed Nick the towel. “You can take a shower if you want to. Water gets very cold after about ten minutes or so.”

“I don’t take that long, don’t worry.” Nick smiled and picked up the towel from Troy’s hands. “Thanks, man. I’ll just grab my bag before I go.” He said, quickly going up to Troy’s room and picking up his bag before walking towards the bathroom. “Goodnight, Troy.”

“’Night, Nicky.”

Nick stepped into the shower and turned the dial, a shiver running through him when the cool drops of water touched his warm and slightly sweaty skin. His body was tired from the long hours on the road, from having slept on his car, from walking under the sun all day, from everything, really… His mind, however, it’s like it was finally at ease.

He didn’t realize, but his lips slowly quirked up into a smile as he thought about how easily the two of them had fallen back into… being _them_. It wasn’t exactly the same, of course, but once or twice, throughout the day, when he glanced at Troy, it was like that whole year had never happened. Like they were back at the ranch, bickering and pretending to hate each other – but jumping in front of knives and lying to torturers to protect one another when push came to shove.

After changing into a new set of clothes, Nick picked up his bag with one hand and grabbed the towel with the other, so he could ask Troy where he should set it to dry. As he stepped out of the bathroom, however, he saw Troy already fast asleep on the couch. For a second, he furrowed his brows, confused and ready to wake him up to tell him to go to his bed, thinking he had fallen asleep accidentally. Until he realized he hadn’t set the couch for Nick, but for himself.

Nick bit his lip, but couldn’t help the corners of his lips from curving slightly upwards as he made his way to Troy’s bedroom. He took one last look at the living room, before lying in bed, from where he could still see the top of Troy’s head – the last thing he saw before dozing off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay. First of all: Here it is, the reunion, finally! I hope that you guys liked it, I hope that it was good enough to fulfill at least some of your expectations. As much as I would love to make it extremely emotional, I don't think it would fit their characters, specially not at this point in the story, but don't worry... I didn't use the 'angst' tag lightly. Heh.
> 
> Second: I am so sorry for taking an eternity to update this. These past two weeks have been absolute hell for a number of reasons and if I were to tell all of them, the notes would probably be longer than the chapter. With all the stress, I just wasn't in a good place to write anything outside of what I *had* to write (for this job interview I had) and I didn't wanna force myself to do it and end up giving you guys a crappy chapter, since this is such an important one. I hope it was worth the wait and I'm so sorry again.
> 
> Third: Next update might also take a little while due to a bunch of reasons, but I'm doing my best, I promise you. If any of you wanna know what's up and how the chapters are coming along, my twitter is @troysnick (yeah, I know) so feel free to bug me about it there, I won't mind, I swear.
> 
> Fourth: All I have to say about this chapter, after all these points is... Enjoy the calm before the storm. :)
> 
> Song is Someone To Stay by Vancouver Sleep Clinic.
> 
> <3 xx


	10. Hardest of Hearts (Part 1)

Nick slowly blew the smoke through his half parted lips, tapping lightly on the cigarette and watching the ashes fall to the grass. He had been up for a while, no more than fifteen minutes, sitting outside on the steps of Troy’s front porch, smoking his second cigarette in a row.

He thanked the long hours he had been on the road the previous day, seen as if it had not been for them, he probably wouldn’t have slept at all at night. His mind was still rushing, trying to make sense of this whole situation. It still didn’t feel real. He drove for over a day, he’d had more than enough time to process everything and prepare himself for this. But even when he woke up earlier that morning, lying in a different bed, and the first sight before his eyes was Troy sprawled on the couch, it still didn’t feel real.

The previous day, it had been like no time at all had passed. Sure, there was a certain awkwardness there. However, truth be told, rarely did they have any interaction where awkwardness didn’t end up making itself very much present through unspoken words, half smiles or looks that lasted a little too long to be casual and meaningless. 

Awkwardness. But would it stay like that? Nick had asked himself that question a worrying amount of times already. Or had they changed enough for whatever it was that existed between them, through this oddly comfortable awkwardness, to be completely gone now? Or worse… Was it just Nick’s mind embellishing the past? He sighed and took another drag of his cigarette. What was he expecting anyways?

“D’ya fall of the bed?” Troy interrupted Nick’s trail of thought in a playful tone, his voice clearly hoarse.

“I could ask you the same thing.” Nick asked between a light smile, peaking at the other boy over his own shoulder. 

Troy was leaning on the door frame, a faint smile on his lips and his eyes a little puffy from having just woken up. His hair was a mess.

“Nah, you left the door open and the sun was on my face.” The older boy explained while he ran a hand through his brown curls and yawned. He then walked up to the front steps where Nick sat and settled himself on the other end, resting his arms on his knees.

“Ah… Sorry.” Nick smiled apologetically, to which Troy simply shrugged.

And there it was again. The awkwardness and the weirdly comforting feeling that came along with it. The two of them sat there in silence for a few minutes, glancing at each other from the corners of their eyes every once in a while, noticing when the other did the same, but never really daring to acknowledge it. It really was just like before.

Nick reached into his pocket for another cigarette. He knew he shouldn’t have one more. Not for health reasons or anything, but because cigarettes were actually pretty hard to find these days and it was better to save the few that he managed to gather for later. But he really needed this right now.

“Still on that shit, huh?” Troy finally broke the silence.

Nick snorted and shrugged, as he took his lighter out of his other pocket and lit up the cigarette, blowing up some smoke quickly as he put the lighter back in its place. If cigarettes were hard to find these days, lighters were even harder.

“Not even exploding the dam took me out.” He joked. “Smoking won’t do shit. Told you I was suicide proof.”

Troy rolled his eyes and scoffed as he got up from the steps, heading back inside. 

“If you say so…” He mocked as he got up and headed back towards the door. “I’m gonna change so we can eat.”

After Troy had already brushed his teeth and put on something other than the old faded t-shirt and the pair of jeans he had slept on – when he was too tired to remember to change – he met Nick at the front door, nodding at him silently as they started to walk towards the dining to have breakfast.

“So, uhm…” Nick started, peaking at Troy occasionally while he put his dishes on the dispenser after they had already eaten. “You’re working at the orchard today, right? At the stadium, I worked at the crops too, I… Maybe I could help?” 

“Actually…” Troy started after swallowing the last bite of his toast still had been chewing. “We–“

“No, I mean, I could do something else, I’ll talk to Pascoal. I wasn’t actually very good with it anyways. All my turnips died. Even though that wasn’t actually my fault and–“

“ _I was gonna say_ ” The other boy interrupted him a little louder, holding back laughter when Nick immediately went silent. “We’re actually running out of some seeds, so I need to talk to Pascoal first so he can get someone to go on a run, so it’s good that you reminded me. But we always need more people at the orchard. Just don’t kill our turnips. We need those.” He said jokingly, seeing Nick roll his eyes in response, which made the two of them chuckle slightly.

They made their way from the dining hall towards the main office, hoping to talk to Pascoal about the seeds. Troy had told Nick that the leader of the community was used to waking up earlier than the other residents, therefore, he was certainly to be already hard at work, never mind the fact that it was barely eight in the morning. What exactly his work entailed, the young man didn’t know, but having helped Big Otto and Jake run that ranch for so long, he knew that it must not be an easy job. 

Going up the steps, they saw Pascoal sitting at his desk, his brows furrowed as he concentrated in a pile of random papers. Nick thought it was so ironic – and funny, in a way – seeing a man working like that in the middle of the apocalypse. Business attire, offices, paperwork… While the world was turning upside down just outside their gate. 

“Ah, good morning!” The man greeted the boys with a smile as he got up from his desk, having immediately noticed their presence when they approached the front door. “How are you today? Nick?” He turned to the younger boy. “Did you get a good night sleep? Enjoy the food?”

“Yes, yes, I did. Everything’s great. Thank you so much.” He smiled in response.

“So, what are you boys up to today? Catching up? Spending some time together?” He gave the boys a cheeky smile. 

None of the two actually answered promptly, which quickly made things uncomfortable. Pascoal, however, hadn’t made that far in his life and his career as a lawyer in the old world without being extremely perceptive – which had been the exact reason why he asked that question in the first place, the things he had observed whenever Troy talked about Nick. Luckily, for the boys, he changed the tone as he realized what his question had prompted. 

“Or did you need to talk to me about something?”

“Uhm, yes…” Troy quickly snapped out of his nervous state. “There’s, uhm… We’re running out on a few seeds, someone has to go on a run soon. We’re actually out of one, the other three are already gone, but I planted the last packets a few days ago, so we’ll still be good for a while.”

Pascoal mused at Troy’s words for a few seconds.

“Nick…” The leader turned to the younger man, who quickly nodded in response. “Are you any good with a knife?”

“Yeah, I’m good.” Nick answered with a chuckle.

“And a gun?”

“Pretty good.” Troy answered this time, before Nick could say anything. “Trained him myself.” He quickly glanced at Nick as a smile quirked up from the corner of his lips.

“I see. What are we running out of again?” Pascoal walked around his desk to scribble on his notepad.

“Radish, spinach, lettuce and onions. All the rest we’re good for weeks from the last run.” Troy clarified. 

“Okay.” Pascoal ripped the piece of paper from his notepad and made his way back to stand in front of the two boys, handing it to Troy. “Here.”

“….What?” The older boy took the piece of paper and looked at it with a confused expression, then glancing up at Pascoal, brows furrowed.

“It’s what you have to look for in the labels. How they’re called in Spanish. There’s a scheduled run today. Go meet them at the gate in…” Pascoal looked at his wristwatch. “About forty minutes.”

“But you said I’d have to train in the armory first. And you wouldn’t even let me _work_ in the armory because you didn’t want me near the guns.” Troy squinted.

“You went out after this one” he nodded at Nick, whose face got instantly warm “for weeks with just a knife and you managed. Yes, I was worried. But you managed. And you don’t think I noticed the guns missing every now and then from the armory?” Pascoal arched an eyebrow. “We do have an inventory, you know.”

Troy dropped his head low and chucked slightly as Nick couldn’t hold his laughter either.

“But I figured… It took me weeks to convince you to stop searching.” Nick tensed up again and looked at Troy from the corner of his eye, wondering if he felt as awkward as Nick did, hearing about Pascoal bringing this up for the second time. The man shrugged. “And at least you were practicing inside the fence, so…” 

Nervous laughter was an understatement. Troy had thought himself as so smart when, in reality, he had been _allowed_ to practice inside the fence. Not that he was complaining, seen as he got his training, after all. But there he was: Troy Otto, leader of the Broke Jaw Ranch militia – smart and proud, trained, cunning, crafty – being played the fool by an old man who just let him play with guns on the backyard like a kid after school. 

Not that he actually had that experience as a kid, but he imagined that it must have been something like that – minus the actual danger and the dead trying to take a bite out of his face, perhaps. A small smile started to form in Nick’s lips as he noticed Pascoal had been more of a father figure to Troy in a little over a year than Otto had ever been in his entire life. Who would have thought?

“Thanks.” Troy said simply, with a genuinely grateful smile on his face.

Pascoal simply smiled back and nodded solemnly in response as he waved the boys to leave his office so he could return to work.

“Go now. Get ready to meet them and be safe.” He advised heading back to his desk. “Make sure he’s safe, Nick!”

Nick quickly glanced at Troy, who had been walking a few steps in front of him, then looked over his shoulder back at Pascoal with a smile.

“I will.” 

-

Going on a run required an entirely different set of clothes than the light t-shirts they had been wearing, so they decided to quickly go by Troy’s lodge to put something more fitting for the task before heading out to the gate to meet with the rest of the group that was supposed to be heading out with them. 

For a brief second, as they got ready, it felt like gearing out with the rest of the Militia on the ranch. Except, of course, they weren’t putting on the usual camo uniform. And Coop wasn’t there cracking at least twenty different dad jokes before managing to actually land one and make the rest of the bunch laugh _with_ him instead of _at_ him. 

They headed out to the gate, a new found confidence plastered all over Nick’s face as he was about to be in his element again. Yes, he had gone on runs and killed walkers this whole time, but he had done all that while mostly numbing himself to feeling anything. Well, anything positive, at least. But now…

“Gringo!” Nick heard Helena greet him as soon as he approached the gate enough for her to recognize him. “And you brought your boy!” She turned to Troy, who had his brow furrowed while looking at her, but neither of them couldn’t even muster a word out before Helena continued her piece. “Gotta get you a nickname, ugh. Anyways… You two going on the run, right? Pascoal just told me. Lucky for you, I’m also going.” She smiled proudly. “Come meet the rest.”

She waved them to follow her. Nick sighed. Helena was undeniably a good and sweet person, fun too, but she was also highly overwhelming and maybe, just maybe a bit clueless. Or just purposefully inconvenient. They walked towards a group of three other men and another woman, all of them still unknown to Nick. Troy had seen them around the community, but never actually talked to neither one of them. 

“Gringo…” She put her hand on one of the man’s shoulder, making him glance at her and take a step back, opening the circle in which the four of them had been talking. “These are Martin…” She pointed at the man who had first stepped back. He was probably around his mid-fifties, had greyish hair in a clean cut and a full but well kept beard. He smiled warmly at the young men, quickly shaking their hands.

“Dante.” A young man about their age, a few years older perhaps, greeted them. He had curly auburn hair and dark brown eyes. He was older, but his smile made him seem ten years younger, a certain child-like quality to it. His eyes quickly scanned Nick as they shook hands and introduced themselves, his previously innocent smile turning into more of a mischievous smirk.

Troy straightened himself up and extended his hand between the two of them, making Dante snap out of his unbashful staring to finally let go of Nick’s hand. He then proceeded to greet the other boy, smiling politely but certainly not making too much eye contact as Troy made it a point to maintain his frown.

“This–“ Helena cut off the sudden tension with a clever grin as she noticed Troy quickly letting go of Dante’s hand at the sound of her voice. “– is Jessie.” She gestured to the woman standing beside Dante. Wavy brown hair down to her shoulder, pale white complexion and light blue eyes. She was probably around her early forties, no older than that. “She’s a gringa too, you know?”

“I’m…” The woman started speaking but was, of course, quickly interrupted by Helena again.

“You won’t even let me finish!” Helena laughed. “She was born in your land, but she grew up in Mexico, so she’s practically Mexican too. We wouldn’t even remember she’s a gringa if she didn’t have such an American name, huh?” Jessie rolled her eyes. “And she’s married to Santiago there.”

When Nick turned to look at the man, there, standing beside Jessie, was a face he certainly recognized. That man from Althea’s tapes. Nick was startled for a second before reaching his hand out to greet the man, after Troy had already done it before him.

“You the boy that was in a coma, no?” Santiago turned to Troy after letting go of Nick’s hand, squinting, as if he was trying to remember something.

“Santiago!” Jessie reprimanded her husband, who turned to look at her and just shrugged, as if he had no idea what he’d done wrong. Troy chuckled.

“No trouble, ma’am. That was me, indeed.” He huffed. 

“Took you so long to recover I thought you wouldn’t make it. _Carajo_ , you were…” He looked at Jessie, scrunching his nose. “Fucked up?” 

“Yes, that’s the expression.” She laughed and rolled her eyes. 

“You were fucked up.” The man turned to repeat it to Troy, who laughed as well. “But I saw Doutor Santos promise that man who brought you in that he would save you and there you are. I told him he was good.”

“You saw him?” Nick asked, a bit shocked. “The man who brought him in, you saw him?”

“ _Ay, sí._ I helped him bring him in and everything. He was trying to drag this one all by himself all the way from the dam.” He smiled, amused at his remembrance. 

Troy quickly looked over at Nick, his brows furrowed, clearly not understanding a word of what they were talking about. Between all the stories, explanations, memories and tales of their journeys from this past year, Nick had forgotten to tell Troy about this. He hadn’t told Troy he knew who saved him. That part of dragging his body out of the dam in a failed attempt of dying with him… Yeah, that was definitely not something he was going to tell. But about Strand. How could he have forgotten?

“I didn’t get his name or anything, but…”

“No, I… I know who it is.” Nick interrupted the man. “It was a friend of mine.” He turned to look at Troy. “Strand.”

“Strand?” The older boy was certainly taken aback. “ _Madison’s friend?_ Why?”

Nick simply shrugged. In the heat of the moment, in the rush of wanting to confront his mother just to be steered in the other direction by Alicia, he had completely forgotten to even ask Strand why he had done it. It truly didn’t make much sense… Well, it didn’t make any sense. Strand barely knew Troy and, if he had known Troy, he probably wouldn’t have saved him. He noticed he was frowning now.

“Well, you boys can talk it over on the way there.” Helena started before anyone else could get a word in and everyone was thankful she had such a... bright personality, to put it lightly. She was really good at catching on to when she was needed to cut the tension. “Whatever this…” She motioned between them. “…is, you can talk about it on the road. Let’s go.” She patted their shoulders, lightly pushing the two boys forward, before walking ahead of them.

“Where are we going again?” Troy asked.

“To a goldmine.” Martin answered, walking past him with a clever grin, which widened after seeing the boys’ confused expressions.

“They found a goddamn locked Walmart the next town over.” Jessie explained with a sigh. “A lot of good stuff, for sure. But also a lot of rotters, if the place is locked. So get ready for some action, boys.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay! Hi, everyone! 
> 
> I know this took quite a while, but I can explain myself, haha.
> 
> First of all, I've been super busy and stressed and just not well in general (the depression jumped out). But, second of all, what also happened is: This chapter wasn't supposed to end where it did, but as I was writing it, I realized I was halfway through and already had more than 3k words. Therefore, if I were to write everything I had planned, it would probably be around 5k-7k words, which is just... Excessive, even for me.  
> So I decided to make it into a two-part, kind of like a mid-season finale, maybe? Because the next chapter... Yeah. Let's just leave it at that.
> 
> Anyways, hope you enjoyed this and I hope to be back with the next chapter very soon, as it's already in the works. <3
> 
> The song is Hardest of Hearts by Florence + The Machine. xx


	11. Hardest of Hearts (Part 2)

Nick and Troy sat across from one another on the back of the pickup truck. They were last minute additions to the team, so they ended up going on the back of one of the cars, which they didn’t mind. Both were equipped one knife each – properly tucked inside their boots for now –, spare bullets cases in their pockets and rifles sitting by their sides. 

Santiago, Jessie and Dante lead the way on one car as Helena drove the pickup truck the boys were on; Martin on the front seat by her side. The two of them chatted enthusiastically in Spanish, but they had been talking for so long, the sound of their voices were now nothing short of background noise. 

The older boy had his arms resting on his knees, his fingers impatiently tapping on his leg while his eyes scanned the road as if he was searching for something. Nick had been leaning back against the side of the truck bed, both his arms resting behind him as he watched the abandoned buildings pass them by, enjoying the breeze in his hair and the unusually cloudy day. He was snapped out of his daydreams as when he heard a small sigh.

“Hey.” He squinted at Troy, who quickly glanced at him. “You alright?”

The older boy averted his apprehensive eyes back to the road and simply shrugged, not saying a word.

“Troy.” Nick called firmly so that the other boy finally met his gaze once more. Nick arched his eyebrows as if encouraging his friend to say something.

Troy sighed, slightly annoyed, his eyes going from Nick’s puzzled expression to the rifle resting besides him. He locked his jaw tight and closed his eyes; a mix of defeat, frustration and immediate anger allowing a glimpse of the old Troy to slip through his features. 

“What if I can’t do it?” Troy asked quietly, eyes now open but he still looked down, clear embarrassment coming through as he spoke.

“What?”

“What if I can’t do it?!” He said a little louder, visibly frustrated, finally lifting his head to look at Nick.

“No, I heard that. But can’t do what?” The younger boy lifted one eyebrow, clearly confused as to what exactly his friend meant.

“This.” He waved one hand, gesturing around him. “Killing, fighting, all of it.” Troy slumped a bit and sighed.

“That’s what you’re nervous about?” Nick asked, trying to contain a slightly amused smile that insisted on creeping up on his lips.

“I’m not nervous.” Troy declared a little irritated.

“Yeah, y’are.” Nick teased.

The older boy just stared directly at Nick in utter silence, clearly annoyed but also trying his utmost not to let his vulnerability show. He didn’t want Nick to think he was weak, when that was the only thing he had ever had to offer. Since they first met, all he had ever had to offer were his skills, his strength, his abilities – all things that made him useful and worth keeping around. All things that assured him that he could, at least, protect and help Nick. But if he really never went back to being who he was, why would Nick want to stick around?

Troy just huffed in annoyance and looked away from Nick, showing he wasn’t in the mood to be made fun of, not when he clearly had made an effort to open up. Yes, he had changed and what you can call “improved” in a lot of ways, but he was still himself. And if there was one thing the youngest Otto always hated, was being mocked. Specially for being weak. And by Nick of all people?

Truth was, he actually would have laughed at himself too if he wasn’t scared that him not being able to do this might make Nick want to leave… But since he was too nervous to laugh, the next best thing was to show annoyance, he guessed. 

Nick sat upright and took a deep breath as he realized this was a little bit deeper and maybe more serious than he had first thought.

“Fuck…” He sighed. “No, listen…” He put a hand on Troy’s knee, which made the older boy immediately turn to face him, a bit startled. “Troy, you took a spoon in your eye and ten minutes later took out a bunch of those dead fuckers. Laughing. Like it was a walk in the park.” He smiled, noticing Troy’s features softening as well as he recounted the day they met back at the depot. 

“I think a hammer might do a little more damage than a spoon.” Troy added quietly, but playfully, a soft smile quirking up at the corners of his lips. 

“And a year is a lot longer to recover than ten minutes.” Nick retorted cleverly. “Plus, you’ve been practicing, haven’t you?”

“Yeah, but it’s different inside the fence. If I failed, they couldn’t do shit.” He said, now looking down.

Nick hesitated for a second before he made his second argument.

“But didn’t Pascoal say you used to go out?” He looked down as well, now removing the hand that had been on Troy’s knee, which made the older boy quickly glance up at him, as not having that contact almost felt… Wrong. 

“Yeah, but I was alone, so…” He shrugged, eyeing Nick.

“You were, but now you _aren’t._ ” Nick declared, matter-o-factly. 

“Exactly.” Troy said firmly, which made Nick quickly glance up at him.

Their eyes met and, for a second, it really did feel like someone pressed the ‘mute’ button on the remote control, as all Nick could focus on was Troy’s eyes staring directly at him. It was like his body took a little too long to react to the words, even though his brain had already screamed at for it do to something a million times in the last three seconds. Or three hours. He really had no idea how long he stared at those eyes without moving.

Nick finally let out a breath he didn’t know he had been holding and, he didn’t notice, but Troy did the same and they both smiled shyly and quickly at each other. That silent agreement they had on their comfortable awkwardness; that for some reason, they wouldn’t acknowledge whatever was in the air between the two of them, but still, neither of the two was willing to let it go so easily.

“Listen.” Nick got up from where he sat to settle himself by Troy’s side, resting his arms on his knees, mirroring his friend’s position. “You’re gonna be fine. You wouldn’t be here if Pascoal didn’t think you could handle it. And if it’s worth something, I think… I _know_ you can handle it.” He shot a quick glance at the older boy, who smiled faintly. “And well, I would know. I’m pretty good. You trained me yourself, remember?” He playfully nudged Troy’s shoulder, a clever smirk in his lips. 

The older boy just rolled his eyes and neither of them could help but chuckle slightly.

“You won’t get bit, don’t worry.”

“It’s not about that.” Troy declared. 

He intended to leave it at that. However, as he saw Nick frowning and opening his lips to question, he decided to continue. He really wasn’t keen on explaining the actual reason why he was nervous about not doing so good on his first run after the accident, even if he had been practicing.

“But if I do, Nick…” He looked at his friend with a serious expression. “You should time it.”

“Troy.” He looked at his friend, dead serious, an annoyed tone in his voice.

“Notebook’s in my pocket.” Troy smiled teasingly, now his turn to nudge his friend’s shoulder, who just laughed and rolled his eyes. A man really can only change so much, as he had stopped doing the stuff, but joking about it? That’s maybe asking too much of him.

The car stopped after ten, maybe twenty minutes. They had finally arrived at the so-called goldmine. The place looked deserted, indeed, much more so considering the fact that they had parked around the back.

“Is this it?” Nick asked hopping off from the back of the truck after Troy was already out and checking his gear.

“Yup. That’s it. Why? Not impressed?” Jessie teased.

“No, I’m very impressed.” He chuckled. “You sure it’s locked?” 

“Yeah. We checked everything two days ago; every door, every window. Everything locked. Some from the inside, but others…” She trailed off, glancing at Nick.

“Shit.” 

“Shit it is.” She sighed. “That’s why we’re sure there’s bound to be at least some action. We don’t know how much, but better safe than sorry, right? See that metal door there?” Jessie pointed to a huge garage door on the back of the building, right at the center of the wall. “There’s one on each wall.”

Nick heard the sound of footsteps in the dirt and noticed someone was coming closer, he looked over.

“What’s the plan?” Troy asked, stopping besides Nick and looking over at him and Jessie with a serious and focused expression.

“Just explaining everything to your boy here. Everyone else is caught up. We’ll see where you two fit in.” She glanced quickly at Troy, who simply nodded affirmatively, allowing her to continue. “As I was saying. That door. One on each wall. Three in total, of course. And one more staff entrance on the left side of the building, that way.” She pointed to the other side. “We’re opening up the staff door first. It most likely leads the same way as the metal doors, but the big ones are for delivery trucks. That said, if that’s where they unload stuff, there’s probably no one there. Or not a lot of them, anyways. When we open the staff door first, we’ll know. We take these ones out first.”

Troy immediately shifted his hands to check on the gun tucked in his belt and the knife in his pocket. Nick quickly glanced at him, knowing he felt uneasy and insecure, but not knowing what to say to reassure him at this time – at least not without also making him slightly annoyed and angry for mentioning him being nervous in front of everyone else. He knew Troy that much.

“Jessie!” Martin approached the trio, tucking his gun in his belt, right next to his knife. “Where are we putting them?”

“Still explaining the plan, then they can decide.” Jessie answered. “Or if you need them with you, you can take now and explain the rest…” 

“Well… Whoever is better in Spanish, should go with you and Dante to look for stuff inside when. Whoever’s better, and faster, at killing, can come with me, Helena and Santiago.” Martin smiled cleverly.

The two boys looked between each other awkwardly, not really knowing who would be better at what. Of course, before everything that had happened, that wouldn’t even be a question – Nick would go inside and Troy would go with Dante. But Troy was nervous and unsure, so… Should he?

“Well, your Spanish sucks.” Nick said jokingly to his friend, a kind and reassuring smile on his face. 

“It doesn’t suck that much…” Troy said, glaring at Nick. He knew what he was trying to do. And he knew he needed that, but he didn’t want Nick to think he needed that push. It was frustrating even for himself, really, to keep pretending he wasn’t nervous, but he simply refused to show weakness in front of Nick. Especially now that he had just gotten him back.

“Yes, it does.” Nick chuckled, trying to lighten up the mood. “Go.” Nick nodded with his head, now speaking in a lower voice. “You need this. Go practice a little.” He smiled kindly and Troy couldn’t help but smile back before nodding back with his head as a thank you.

“Well, then let’s go. I’ll tell you what you will have to do.” Martin said excitedly, patting Troy’s back as they walked towards Helena, who sat in the back of the other car, checking all the other guns for bullets while talking to Santiago. Nick watched the two of them walk for a second too long, a tiny smile cornering at his lips.

“You two look cute together.” Jessie said, prompting Nick to immediately look at her, his cheeks a little too warm and he thanked God he wasn’t one to blush. “You know you don’t need to be so stiff around everyone, right? You can act normal. I mean, I get that you’re probably scared, you never know who’s gonna be rude, but I’m telling you, no one…”

“We’re not…” Nick interrupted her, before she could say what he knew she was going to say.

“Oh.” Jessie stopped, quite embarrassed.

“Yeah. We’re not…”

“Sorry.” She said with a nervous smile, but followed with a frown before Nick could even respond. “Really?”

Nick looked at her with one eyebrow raised, clearly taken aback by her question. 

“No, it’s just that… It seemed like you were… Back there, with Dante… And now.” Now Nick had his eyebrows furrowed as he listened to her words. “Oh well, my mistake then. Sorry. Me and my big mouth. Let me just explain the rest of the plan then, pretend I didn’t just embarrass myself by trying to act like a cool mom or something, okay?” She laughed, trying to lighten the mood and Nick chuckled back, agreeing, as she went back to explaining the plan to him.

-

“So when they open that door” Martin said as he leaned against the side of the truck, referring to the door at the left side of the building he had previously pointed at to explain the other side of the group’s part of the plan. “They take out anyone that’s on that part of the building.”

“Can they do it?” Troy asked, quickly glancing from the building to where Nick, Jessie and Dante talked near the other vehicle, then turning to Martin. “Aren’t there going to be too many of them?”

“Nope.” Helena said. “That is where the trucks unload shipment. Staff door is on the other side. Anyways, the doors have been locked from the outside. There sure is a good amount of those fuckers inside, but there can’t be many on that part. They can take them out.”

“And if they can’t, we’re still going to be here to help for that part if they need it.” Santiago interrupted, lifting the gun he held in his hand, a smug but good-natured smile on his face as a way to reassure Troy. It worked.

“Exactly. When the garage is clear, they’re gonna open all three big metal doors” Martin explained, pointing at the sides of the building and all the doors, from left to right. “And then the staff door from the inside of the building that leads to the garage.”

“That’s where we come in, I’m guessing.” Troy raised one eyebrow.

“ _Ay, gringo,_ exactly. So smart.” Helena teased. “When they open the door, that–“ She pointed to the other vehicle, that was now parked on the right side of the building. “–stays over there so they can load supplies quicker while we do our part. With this one over here–“She patted the side of the hood of the truck she had driven twice, with a clever grin on her face. “–We turn the radio on, as loud as we can, and drive off a few miles to get them away. Stop the car, take the fuckers out and come back to finish loading.” She smiled proudly.

“But…”

“What?” She huffed, pretending to be annoyed.

“Isn’t this place huge? Two cars to load the whole place?” 

“ _Ay, chiquito, no._ We’re not loading the whole place.” She smiled. Troy rolled his eyes. Helena sure had a way of treating a guy almost twice her size like he was a child. “We’re cleaning the place up and packing the shit we need now. Half of us are staying on watch overnight and we’re bringing actual trucks to load more shit tomorrow. Sound good?”

“Sounds great.” Troy nodded with a confident smile. Although, inside, he couldn’t help but feel anxious. This was it.

“Then let’s do this.” Helena said, walking up to the driver’s door and getting in. 

“Come on, we’re staying close to the fence in case they need us.” Martin said, nodding with his head to the huge metal fence between the road and the building. They had managed to open the gates by smashing the chains, so now they were wide open and the path was free for all the infected to follow them when the doors were open.

The three men walked up to the fence, ready to start. Martin and Santiago were left confused when Troy quickened his step and didn’t stop at the gate, heading straight towards Dante, Jessie and Nick. The three of them were leaned against the wall at the left side of the building, just talking and waiting for the other group to give the signal.

“Troy! It’s here!” Martin shouted.

“Just a second! I’ll be right back.” The young man answered over his shoulder, continuing to make his way to the trio who talked and even laughed, like they weren’t nervous about this at all. The old Troy could relate. “Hey.” 

“What’s up, Troy?” Nick asked, slightly furrowing his brows in concern. “You okay? You want to switch? Or do they need more of us there?”

“No, I…” He sighed and took a rather long pause. “I just, uh… I came to check if you guys need anything before we start… If you’re good to go.” He shook his head and smiled, trying to relax. 

“Oh, we’re _great_ to go.” Dante answered and Troy turned to look at the young man who spoke, but noticed he wasn’t looking back at him when he had said that. He was looking at Nick, his head slightly tilted and a stupid grin on his face. Then he turned to Troy. “We’re just _great…_ Troy, is it?” He smiled cynically now. Troy opened his lips to answer, but heard Nick make a sound that seemed like he was holding back laughter and turned to face him immediately, astounded. 

“Yeah. It’s _Troy._ If you’re _great_ , then I’m out. Good luck.” Troy said, his tone clearly annoyed and he heard Nick mumble his name while he walked away, but that just made him quicken his steps and he mentally thanked Jessie when he heard her to just ‘let him go’. 

The good thing, he thought, was that he always got focused and did a good job when he was angry, so maybe this would turn out for the best. At least he wasn’t nervous anymore, that’s for sure. 

“Give them the signal.” Troy muttered when he was back at the gate. The two men exchanged a look that made it clear they noticed something had happened, but thankfully, for the young man, they didn’t dare say a word. Santiago simply shrugged and took two fingers to his lips, whistling loudly, as to grab the attention of the trio at the side of the building. 

From the gate, the three men watched as Nick, Dante and Jessie nodded to Santiago’s signal, their postures immediately changing from relaxed to “fight-mode”, as Jessie herself would put it jokingly sometimes. She dragged the sledgehammer she had brought with her just for the occasion – it seemed the women who survived the end of the world had a thing for destructive weapons – and set her feet apart standing in front of the door. She held the handle tightly, looked to her sides to make sure neither of the boys were too close and swung it right at the lock. Nick was surprised. He knew she’d be good, otherwise she wouldn’t be clearly leading the mission, but damn… She was really good. 

The door immediately fell open, but just a crack, and so Jessie kicked it back open it more widely. They could already hear the sounds the dead were making from the inside and, thankfully, from those noises, there didn’t seem to be much of them. At least on that part of building. The three of them exchanged glances and took a few steps back. Jessie held tightly to her sledgehammer, but made a point to check the knife and the gun tucked in her belt in case she needed them. Nick and Dante also checked for their guns and quickly drew their own knifes. “Fight-mode”, as Jessie said. 

Nick took a quick glance at Troy, standing beside Santiago and Martin at the gate. As much as he wanted to act like a child and not even acknowledge his presence right now, the older boy nodded back to his friend, a small reassuring smile shyly quirking up at his lips, before he could even stop himself from doing it. “Fuck it”, he thought. 

The dead started coming from outside of the staff door. One, two, three… They were taking them out quite nicely and easily. No need to worry. Four, five, six… Everything was running smoothly. Seven, eight, nine, ten… They seemed to be doing alright. Eleven, twelve, thirteen… Dante took the last one with a swing of his knife. The six of them waited a few minutes. Helena sat in the car, ready to take off. The others exchanged looks. No more infected came out for a while, so it had to be over. At least for the garage. Jessie mimicked her husband and, taking two fingers to her lips, she whistled the sign back at them. 

“Get ready!” Helena shouted as she heard the whistle and saw Jessie, Nick and Dante quickly dropping their weapons to open all the garage doors on each of the walls. 

The three man quickly ran from the gate to the truck as Helena already fired up the engine and turned on the radio, her fingers practically itching to turn on the volume as loud as she could. That was her favorite part of the whole plan. Of course, Diego having insisted on picking out a CD probably had a little bit to do with it – apparently they had lucked out living in a house with quite the selection at the community – but she was, honestly, just really excited to drive with loud music, maybe feel like the old world even if for just one song. 

Martin took the seat next to Helena on the front, while both Santiago and Troy got in the back, their guns ready for any rotters that maybe got too close while the car was still in movement – an unlikely scenario, but they had to be ready for anything, right? As soon as they heard Jessie’s second whistle, looking back to check that they were ready to open the doors to the actual store was just a formality. They knew that was it. 

Once more, Jessie and her sledgehammer took down the door lock. No time to search for keys, no time to waste at all. Jessie walked a few steps back quickly as both Nick and Dante grabbed one of the handles each and pushed the doors open, making way for a multitude of infected to start walking through the doors, giving them a glimpse of just how many people had been trapped alive in that building. 

The trio rapidly walked out of the path the infected had been making towards them, walking out of the building and directly to the where the car had been parked waiting for them. They listened to the sound of the car engine and the loud music finally blasting through the speakers, muffling all the groaning that could possibly be coming from the rotting limping corpses that made their way to the vehicle. They briefly smiled to each other as they heard Helena scream in excitement; she was enjoying this way too much. 

“Let’s roll, boys!” Helena shouted, smiling excitedly to Martin who sat beside her and giving both Santiago and Troy a quick glance before she looked back at the road and slammed the accelerator. 

A striking amount of infected kept coming out of the building for a few minutes after the car had already taken off. Granted, they were a slow bunch, but it was rather worrying to think about how many people had been locked in there to die. Nick remembered the military group who circled his neighborhood back when all of this first started. How naive, really, everyone had been to think they were there to help. And how saddening it was to see that, clearly, these “measures” hadn’t been taken only back home. The world really was uglier than he thought. 

As the last few rotters finished limping out of the building, the trio exchanged quick looks. 

“Check inside to make sure it’s clear.” Nick said. “I’ll start them off. Make their job easier over there.” He smiled cleverly. 

-

“I think there is more than we thought!” Santiago shouted, his brows furrowed in a bit of a worried expression, glancing quickly at Troy. 

"You think so?” The young man said jokingly, trying not to let his nervousness show. Fuck, if they were nervous… 

“Martin!” The older man called his friend sitting back at the front seat of the car, without taking his eyes off the horde who followed the vehicle. “I think we should start with the guns.” 

_"You win some, lose some, It's all the same to me!”_ Helena shouted from the front seat, banging her head back and forth along with the song. Again, Troy couldn’t help but think she was probably having way too much fun. But at least she was distracting him from his nervousness right now. Of course, he couldn’t deny that he was exactly the same before a certain someone hit him with a certain something, so he could definitely appreciate her joy. 

_“Martin!”_

“ _Qué?_ (What?)” The man shouted, looking back at his worried friend’s expression. “ _No te oigo! La radio está muy alta! Helena!_ (I can’t hear you! The radio is too loud! Helena!)” 

“ _Ay, puta madre, como son pesados!_ (Holy shit, you guys are annoying!)” Helena said, lowering the volume and rolling her eyes in annoyance. 

“ _Qué pasa, Santi?_ (What’s up, Santi?)” Martin said from the front seat, looking at his friend. Troy just watched the interaction, trying to pick up on a few words but realizing that, indeed, his Spanish did suck. A whole year in there for nothing, really. 

“ _Son muchos. Deberíamos empezar a disparar._ (There are a lot of them. We should start shooting).” The man answered, nodding his head to the horde, watching as Martin did the same and Troy couldn’t help but notice when his eyes widened a little as he realized just how many of them had been following the vehicle now. 

“Hey, look.” Troy interrupted the two men, as he noticed something far off into the distance. “They’re taking them out.” 

“ _Qué?_ (What?)” Santiago said, before looking back and seeing what Troy meant. 

From the car, they saw Jessie, Dante and Nick killing some of the infected that were still relatively close to the building, managing to actually clean up a good number of them. That hadn’t been the plan, but they it was clear they had realized their calculations were wrong and they would definitely need some help in that department now. 

“Well, so at least we’re all doing this now.” Santiago laughed. “Still think we should start shooting.” 

“Ok. Do it. Troy, are you ready?” Martin asked the young man, who suddenly felt a jolt of electricity go through his body. This was it. 

“Yes, sir.” 

Troy looked back at the guns piled on the back of the truck. They had given him a pistol earlier and he had been fine with it. It was probably wiser and better for him to start back again with a pistol. But the minute he put his eyes on one of the rifles Santiago had set aside earlier – one he hadn’t really paid too much attention to – he realized it was a semi-automatic Colt M4A1. He could feel a shiver go through his body as pure excitement got into him. That was his favorite rifle back at the ranch. The first type of rifle he ever learned how to shoot. It probably wasn’t the most efficient, but it was his favorite. And the fact that they had exactly that one right now… Maybe it was a sign. Or maybe it was just Troy making up an excuse to grab that one instead of the pistol. Go big or go home, right? And he couldn’t go home without killing those fuckers, so really, there was no choice but to go big at this point. 

He reached for the rifle without hesitation. Seeing Nick far off into the distance killing all those infected and finding himself standing in the back of a pickup truck about to do the same, felt strangely, but pleasantly, familiar. It was like seeing that tiny part that reminded him of his old self, of the ranch, of everything he had been capable of doing his entire life suddenly gave him that last boost of confidence he needed. 

Troy positioned himself in the bed of the truck, brought the rifle up to his head, pressed his cheek firmly to the side of the stock and he almost had to contain himself to not smile like a child excited during Christmas time. This sure was like Christmas to him and he was about to unwrap his gifts. 

When he heard the sounds of the first gunshots coming from Santiago’s gun beside him, he knew he was ready. He aimed at this one infected limping quite close to the car now, as Helena had started to slow down the car so she could soon stop for her and Martin to also get off and fight – but she definitely made a point to turn up the volume again. The rotter clearly had been skinny even when alive, as his large shirt was falling off the left side of his body now that he had lost that arm. His lower jaw was hanging by a thread and the growls and groans he made were almost comedic. Troy held his breath and took a shot. His first real shot, in action, in a long time. 

It was a thrill he couldn’t compare to anything. God, he had missed this. He smiled widely to himself. Now he was on a roll. And he wouldn’t stop until all those fuckers were damn taken care of. 

\- 

“I think they can manage from now on.” Dante said, panting a little as he drew his knife from the skull of an old man. 

“Yeah, we should go inside. Let’s do our job. We’ve done enough of theirs.” Nick said jokingly, a little out of breath as well. 

Nick, Jessie and Dante made their way made to the car to grab the flashlights in case the generator didn’t work. Every big store had a generator, but they couldn’t take that chance. Each of them had their own list of what items to search for – Nick’s, of course, being the only one different, the one with the names of the seeds Troy needed for the crops. Both Dante and Jessie had the same list, as they were on the group long before Nick and Troy had joined. 

“Generator is probably somewhere around here, right?” Nick said as they made their way back into the garage where the trucks unloaded cargo, looking around the place. 

“Yup, right there.” Jesse pointed to the corner opposite to the staff door. “Saw it when you two ran around way too quickly to bash brains. I like smashing stuff, but I’m not a huge fan of getting all that nasty blood on me.” She said jokingly. 

“You go inside then. I’ll try to get it running. Start looking for stuff so we can save time.” Dante said and the other two nodded, heading inside. 

Both Nick and Jessie went inside the building, quickly turning on their flashlights and point them up to read the signs that indicated the isles they were on. Jessie headed to the front of the store to get God knows what, but told Nick to stay sharp and call for her in case he needed anything. He told her to do the same, of course, a heartfelt smile tugging at his lips as he thought to himself that he could really make this whole place a home and all these people a family. Easily. All he missed was Alicia. 

He walked past a few more isles before he found what he was looking for, thanking all the Gods and deities he could think of as he was starting to get a bit irritated with that scavenge hunt in the dark. And the smell of the rotting corpses that had been locked there for years surely wasn’t helping with lightening the mood. 

It didn’t take him long, after finding the right isle, to end up grabbing all the packets of seeds they needed. He decided, however, to continue to grab a few more of some other fruits and vegetables, seen as they were surely going to bring them back to the community anyways – and it wasn’t like packets of seeds took that much space in the truck that they would have to wait until the trucks came to get them tomorrow. After a while of grabbing the items, he heard footsteps approaching and quickly took his knife in hand. 

“Found the seeds?” Dante asked, shining his flashlight on the crate Nick had taken off one of the shelves and had been filling with the packets of seeds of his chosing. 

“Ah, it’s you. Yeah, I did.” He smiled, relieved, putting the knife back in his belt and going back to what he had been doing. “Generator didn't work?" 

"Nope." He said, walking towards Nick, gazing at the shelfs nonchalantly. 

“Did you get everything on your list?” 

“Yeah.” Dante leaned on the shelf next to Nick, eyeing him. “Jessie got pretty much everything. Just helped her load the trunk. We actually didn’t have a lot to get that was, like, a big priority or anything.” He explained. “The mission was more about checking the place out and cleaning it up.” 

“I see.” Nick stood up, picking up the half full crate and placing it on one of the empty shelves next to him. “Where’s Jessie now?” The other boy simply shrugged. 

“Said she’d find us to help, but…” He looked around as if checking to see if Jessie was anywhere near them, then returning to look at Nick and shrugging again. “She’s not here.” 

“Nope.” Nick said, chuckling awkwardly. <

“It’s just us.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, everyone!
> 
> I have finally updated! 
> 
> First of all, I am so sorry for taking an eternity to update this fic! I will explain myself now. Some of you already know this, but probably most of you don't, so here it goes.  
> I've had this eye infection for roughly five months now and it's gotten severely worse the last two months, to the point where I had to stop wearing makeup at first (mind you, I'm a freelance makeup artist, so imagine how much I love makeup and how much that was a challenge for me haha) and then to the point where I could barely look at my phone screen even with this app that makes the screen be less bright than 0%, so yeah. I've had this chapter written on my notebook for weeks. I actually handwrote it, but couldn't post it. My cousin typed it out for me at the beginning of the week. However, I still had to revise, because my cousin doesn't speak English so there could be mistakes. Honestly, there's probably still a lot of them because I'm not 100% yet. But I did my best, I swear. And I'll fix everything as soon as possible.  
> And then I went to the eye doctor for the 3rd time only this month (yay!) and he gave me new meds which finally seemed to work, so I decided to expand the chapter and instead of making this a two part, I'm making it a three part! It's already finished. I'm uploading this second part today and third part sometime this week, to compensate for how long this update took. Thanks for bearing with me. Specially if you read this whole mess. 
> 
> P.S.: I'm gonna answer all your comments. I read all of them during this time, I just really couldn't even open my laptop haha.
> 
> Obs.: The song they're listening during the run is Ace of Spades, by Motörhead.
> 
> Reminder that the chapter song is Hardest of Hearts by Florence + The Machine.
> 
> Also don't forget to read the collab I'm now a part of with other four amazing and talented Trick authors (Inkaley, MeteoraAngel, catastrophage and problematiquefave)! The first chapter is already up, go check it out! https://archiveofourown.org/works/15457626/chapters/35882490
> 
> Hope you enjoy the chapter! xx <3


	12. How Could I Have Known

“It’s just us. They haven’t gotten back yet.”

“Yup.” Nick said, leaning into the shelf with his elbow.

Dante took one step closer, taking a quick look around and then staring at Nick, a smile creeping up on his lip.

“I told you.” The boy with curly auburn hair stated, as his expression became almost giddy and child-like. “I told you, didn’t I?”

“Stop.” Nick said, huffing and rolling his eyes. 

“He came up to you all worried and soft like a puppy dog, then I did my thing and he was pissed!” Dante said a little louder, a smug smile on his face as he tried not to laugh.

“Yeah he was, you were rude!” Nick replied matter-o-factly.

“He got _that_ pissed because _‘I was rude’_?” The other boy asked in a mocking tone. “You keep telling yourself that.”

“What’s up, boys?” Jessie’s voice interrupted their conversation as she came walking from around the corner into the hallway the boys were. She looked between them. “They’re driving back, pretty close already. Did you find the seeds, Nick?”

“Yeah.” He affirmed, turned around quickly to get the box from the shelf and start walking towards the exit, so he could put in the back of the truck. But Jessie was quick to notice something was going on as she looked between his annoyed face and Dante’s mischievous smile. “What’s… going on?” She turned to Nick. “Nick… Is Dante on your case about Troy?”

“ _Ay_ , listen…” Dante started before the Nick could even let a sound out. “I’m just saying what everyone’s thinking.” He looked at Jessie, which made Nick also turn to the woman, who simply shrugged. “See? I told you. You should…”

“I should take these to the truck. That’s what I should do.” Nick cut him off and started walking, clearly annoyed and past the point of joking now.

As he walked to the one of the gates they had opened and then towards the truck parked at the side of the building, he heard the sound of the car engine getting louder from the other side of the wall, but getting closer by the second. And then it came to a stop. They arrived. Before he could even hope that they were safe, he heard the sound of the doors shutting, accompanied by loud chatter and laughter. They were most definitely safe. 

Nick walked around the side, finally coming into view and also catching a glimpse of the other group celebrating their successful run and infected-skull-bashing spree. He smiled as he saw the two older men congratulating Troy’s good work before walking towards the back exit of the building. They nodded at Nick, then making their way inside so they could start helping load the trucks.

As Troy stood in front of the truck bed, checking the guns for what was left of ammo in each of them, Helena approached him with a mischievous grin on her face. She put her arm around Troy’s shoulder, almost having to stand on her tiptoes due to their height difference. The boy turned to face her, squinting when she started speaking and watching as her free arm waved around making exaggerated gestures.

“You know… You were pretty good out there. I just might promote you to gringo number one after this.” She said and Troy couldn’t help but immediately scoff. “Maybe even might bother to learn your name.”

“High praise. Coming from Helena.” Nick said and Troy was immediately startled, quickly turning around face him. Helena was spun around along and her arm quickly slung off Troy’s shoulder when he turned around.

“Oh, hi.” Troy said quietly. “You ain’t helping Jessie and Dante?”

“Yeah… Was just loading some stuff when I heard you guys coming in.” Nick explained, pointing at his back, to the car parked around the other side of the building. “So… How was it?” He asked, quickly glancing at Helena.

“Your boy’s pretty good.” The girl declared. “Might even get him to join the team once we’re back home.”

“Oh really?” Nick faked shock. He knew Troy had it in him to get back on track, he just needed some confidence and an opportunity.

“Yup.” Helena confirmed and Troy tried remain serious, but they could see the corners of his lips practically begging to curl up into a proud smile. “Just don’t tell Diego I said that. He’s been trying to go on runs since he got there… And don’t get me wrong, I love him… But let’s just say he’s… not cut out for this.” She laughed.

“Your secret’s safe with us.” Nick chuckled.

“Yes, don’t worry.” Troy nodded, his smile coming up a little more now, as he could only hold back so much.

“Thanks. Now I’m gonna go inside.” She added before heading towards the door. “Don’t take too long, you two. We still need help inside.” She yelled.

“So the run was good, huh?” Nick turned to Troy, a playful smile tugging at the corner of his lips. “Told you, you were gonna be fine.” 

“Yeah…” Troy said, looking down for a few seconds before gazing up at Nick again. “Thanks, by the way.”

Nick shrugged.

“Couldn’t have you back out from the run just from first time jitters.” He smiled. “And couldn’t have you going in there insecure. I knew you could do it, just needed a little push.”

“Well, th-“

“Hey, Troy!” Dante stood at the door, smirking at both of them for a brief second before calling again. “Can you help me carry some stuff back to the truck? Also, Nick… Jessie needs your help back near the registers. Like, right now.”

“Well, duty calls.” Troy gave Nick a small smile as he nodded his head to the building before making his way towards it. “Talk later, Nicky.” 

Nick soon followed his friend inside the abandoned store, quickly going to check in on Jessie to see what she needed him to help her with. She was way out back – or front, depends on where you’re standing, really –, sitting on the floor, her back to the wall while she put together a cardboard box.

She quickly glanced up at Nick as she heard his approaching footsteps and gave him a small smile.

“Help me with these?” She nodded her head to the big pile of yet unassembled boxes by her side.

“I mean, sure, but…” The boy said, plopping on the floor by her side and grabbing one of the cardboard boxes to start working. “That’s what you needed me ‘right now’ for?” He chuckled.

“I don't...?” Jessie frowned, eyeing him sideways. 

“Dante said you needed me _‘like, right now’_.” He mimicked the way Dante had spoken earlier and Jessie scoffed.

“Oh, honey… He-”

“You know what?” Nick interrupted. “I’m better off not knowing.” He chuckled.

“You’re probably right.” Jessie agreed, laughing along with him. “What _did_ he say anyways?”

“What I just told you. That you needed me ‘right now’.” He shrugged. “And then he went inside with Troy and…”

“Oh, there it is…” 

“What?” Nick furrowed his brows and glanced at her.

“You see, he thought you two were an item.” Jessie started explaining. “So when you said you weren’t…”

“Ohh, I get it. Well, good luck for him…” Nick said ironically. 

“What do you mean?” Jessie asked, trying to hide the wry smile tugging at the corner of her lips.

“Troy is… Difficult.” He shrugged. “Dante clearly likes to come on strong but that’s not gonna work with Troy, he’s not gonna get to him that easily.”

“Oh yeah?” She kept him talking while both of them assembled more boxes.

“Yeah, I mean… He’s probably gonna make Troy uncomfortable. Like, really uncomfortable.” He chuckled. “At least he’s lucky he’s meeting Troy now and not the Troy I met back at the depot.” He added while finishing off one box and sticking his arm out to pick up another one. “That Troy handled being uncomfortable in a way that’s… Not very nice. Let’s just put it like that.” He sighed, too deep in his own words to even think about how long he had been talking now or realize how personal everything he was saying really was. “To be honest, I don’t even know if Troy likes…” Until he did realize.

“What? If Troy likes what?” Jessie asked absentmindedly as she finished putting together another box. 

Luckily, it seemed like she hadn’t been paying that much attention to the subject to really care that Nick just brushed it off and didn't really answer her question – she was, actually, but she hid it well. They kept assembling the boxes in silence for the remainder of the time they were there.

After finishing off, they went straight to the back where Dante had been working with Troy for the last hour. The two of them had been stacking supplies near the door, along with Martin and Helena, so they could quickly fill up the boxes, load the trucks and head home. Santiago was on watch outside during this whole time, so he could be able to warn them in case any infected – or any possible _living_ danger – approached them and they needed to take action. 

Nick and Jessie approached the group just as Dante and Troy came walking out from one of the isles, carrying some bags of seemed to be fertilizer. Of course. They were walking alongside each other, laughing quietly about something. Huh, not as uncomfortable as Nick thought he would be… 

But that was it, wasn’t it? He never knew if Troy liked… Boys. More so, if Troy liked _him_. Did he? _Could_ he? He hadn’t said it out loud, but to almost do it was enough to get him to at least admit that this was it. _That’s what he was expecting_. 

The way Jeremiah taught him to see the world… How long it took Troy to break from so much of what Jeremiah had taught him to be. But he _had_ done it, hadn’t he? And was it even fair to assume that this would also be something Jeremiah would have affected, in any way? To assume that Troy wouldn’t have known even that part of himself, whatever it was? Whether it would be something Jeremiah approved of or not, Troy probably knew how he felt… Right?

Back at the ranch, yes, he definitely felt there was _something_ there. He couldn’t tell exactly what at the time, but he felt it. And he had been with guys before... Nothing serious, they were mostly flings that lasted a few dates, maybe one summer camp. Gloria had been his only actually serious and lasting relationship. Well, Gloria and drugs. 

Other than that, yeah, he had been with other guys, but never anything serious, or lasting… And never _ever_ out to his parents. Specially his mom. It’s not like his dad cared about anything or anyone by the time Nick started having relationships, but his mom did and maybe a little bit too much. So he decided not to share. He had no idea what her reaction would be if he told her, but he wasn’t sure he wanted to find out. 

Alicia knew. Gloria did too. And so did his friends. But his parents? Never. So could he really blame Troy for not letting it show clearly whether he did… or didn’t…? But he definitely knew _what_ he liked. And that he liked… Both. Or all, really. And in this case, maybe he knew _who_ …?

“So…” Helena started as she finished off placing the last box back in the back of the truck she had driven that morning. “How are choosing who’s staying and who’s heading back?” She turned to face the rest of the group as she propped her elbow at the side of the truckbed and leaned a bit to rest.

“I’m fine with whatever…” Nick shrugged. “How many have to stay?”

“I was gonna say at least three.” Martin answered. “’Cause in case anything happens, we can hold our own with three people. But then with you two…” He motioned at Nick and Troy. “Then four of us would have to squeeze in the front seat all the way back and that just doesn't work, so… Four of us stay; three, go back.”

“Okay. I can stay, if you guys want me to.” Nick declared.

“Nah. Pascoal is gonna wanna check on the boy for himself.” Santiago added. “You two go back. Jessie and I can stay, right?” He looked at his wife, slinging an arm around her waist and pulling her closer.

“Yup. You boys go back.” The woman agreed. “Helena, you’re staying too? We need a good shooter.” She smiled cleverly at the younger girl. “And I _know_ you’re not gonna leave me here the whole night with only men to keep me company.” She put her hand on her chest, a fake sad expression on her face. 

“I would never!” Helena stated in an exaggerated high pitch and the two of them laughed, while some of the men rolled their eyes and some chuckled. “Of course I’m staying.”

“Well, then it’s settled.” Martin declared. “I’m definitely staying as well, so Dante…” He turned to the auburn haired young man. “You’re heading back with Nick and Troy. Since this is their first run, _you _are in charge of reporting to Pascoal and gathering the trucks to come back first tomorrow, okay?”__

__“Sir, yes, sir!” Dante answered jokingly and Martin simply rolled his eyes and ignored him, but he could hear some faint chuckles from the rest of the group. “If you two want to come back for the run tomorrow, you’re more than welcome. Great job today.” He extended his arm to congratulate the two young men and they shook his hand proudly, thanking him for the praise and compliment._ _

__“Now off you go.” Jessie got in between them, rushing Dante into the driver’s seat and motioning for the other two to get in the passenger’s side. “It’s getting dark and it’s gonna be harder for you to get home when the road’s pitch black. It took us long enough during the day, it gets worse during the night…”_ _

__“ _Ay_ , calm down, we’re going!” Dante exclaimed as Jessie pushed him into the driver’s seat. “Guess I’m driving then.” He mumbled under his breath._ _

__“Bye, honey.” Jessie patted Nick on the back as he walked towards the other side of the truck. “Be safe on the road you three. We’ll see you all tomorrow.”_ _

__Nick waved back to her with a small smile tugging at the corner of his lips. He then got inside the car through the passenger side, sitting on the front seat, in the middle, between Dante and Troy. _That surely wasn’t the least bit awkward_ , he thought. They barely had any time to talk and now they were all shoved in the same car and about to be in that much closeness for at least two hours… Nice. Very nice._ _

__Dante started the car and they all waved goodbye to the rest of the group, who stood outside in the desert in front of the store for a while, watching as the car drove away, before finally heading back inside._ _

__“You two are not that bad, huh?” Dante spoke after they had already been on the road for a few minutes, finally breaking some of that tension brought by the awkward silence.  
Troy chuckled a bit at the teasing, propping his arm in the window and looking out into the road._ _

__“Maybe you could join the team for good now.” He quickly glanced at the other two, before turning his gaze back at the road. He had one hand on the steering wheel and a clever smile on his face. “I mean… Pascoal would have to approve, since he’s so worried about boy Troy over there.” He nodded at Troy with his head, who turned to look back at him. “But Martin already invited you to come back and he leads the defenses in the community, so… Unless Pascoal is very against it, I guess you’re in.”_ _

__“Well, I don’t know…” Nick mused quietly, looking down at his hands on his lap. “I think Troy would rather stay in the orchard. He never really liked all this action, you know?” He glanced up just a little, his eyes meeting Troy’s and a playful smile immediately forming on his lips._ _

__“Joke all you want, Nicky.” Troy said, adjusting himself on the seat besides his friend. “But I _am_ pretty good at what I do.”_ _

__“Oh. Alright.” Nick chuckled. “So you’re staying there. Not joining the team. Okay then.” He shrugged, mockingly. “Guess you didn’t like bashing infected brains as much as I remembered… Weird.”_ _

__“That’s… Not what I said.” Troy corrected him, doing his best to keep a playful smile from tugging at the corner of his lips - he failed miserably._ _

__They spent a little while longer talking, the awkward silence no longer there thanks to Dante’s apparent incredible people skills. If he hadn’t started a conversation and if he hadn’t kept it going… This two to three hour trip would have seemed definitely way longer. And maybe if Helena was the one driving, the awkwardness would have reached impossibly high levels, thanks to her ever-so-appropriate commentary._ _

__After they had been driving for around two hours, the sky had already turned almost pitch black, save for the moonlight and the stars, of course. The headlights on the truck illuminated the road and Nick started to recognize a few of the spots they had passed when they left that morning. They shouldn’t be too far now, maybe twenty to thirty minutes maximum. Troy had fallen asleep, sliding down his seat and crossing his arms, his head resting against the window._ _

__“So…” Dante said, glancing quickly at Troy and then at Nick, a sly expression forming on his face._ _

__“So… What?”_ _

__“I talked to him.” He smiled._ _

__“Talked to him about what?” Nick asked, trying his best to seem nonchalant but after the whole realization he’d had that afternoon, he definitely felt a sting in his chest because he _knew_ what Dante meant. Maybe not exactly, but generally._ _

__“About you, dummy.” Dante playfully nudged Nick’s shoulder._ _

__“I think you’re all on a collective acid trip.” Nick said, huffing. “And believe me, when it comes to drugs… I know what I’m saying.”_ _

__“You might know about drugs.” Dante shrugged. “But I know about boys. And that one…” He nodded at Troy. “…Likes you.”_ _

__Nick looked at him, eyebrows furrowed, not really sure how to respond._ _

__“I actually kinda sensed it when I came onto you back home and he stuck his hand in my face.” He laughed. “But I wasn't a hundred percent sure. Then he was jealous that time outside before we split the group…”_ _

__“That wasn’t–“_ _

__“Oh, honey, it was.” Dante interrupted Nick’s attempt of interrupting him, grinning. “And since you didn’t believe me, that’s why I asked for his help back there. Boy, was he jealous when I asked about you…”_ _

__“What do you mean? Asked what?” He questioned, simultaneously genuinely intrigued but also trying not to seem too eager, as he still didn’t want to let it show that there was a part of him willing to believe Dante’s narrative._ _

__“I asked him stuff like… What was your deal, if you were single, if you liked guys… Stuff like that, you know?” He glanced quickly at Nick, trying to catch his reaction, but the boy remained with a calm expression. “And he played it cool, like, saying he didn’t know or he wasn’t sure or whatever… Until I asked if he thought I should ask you out when we got back. Then he got kinda pissy and said he thought you had a girlfriend.”_ _

__“I don’t…”_ _

__“I figured you didn’t.” He interrupted before Nick could even finish his sentence. “I mean, you wouldn’t have come all the way from God-knows-where after him if you had someone. But he did mention a girl… Lucy? _Lúcia_ maybe?” Dante glanced at Nick with a questioning look on his face._ _

__“ _Luciana? _” Nick shot back at him, brows furrowed.___ _

____“Yes! That’s it!” He tapped the steering wheel. “That’s the name he said. But if he didn’t just make a name up, there _is_ a girlfriend then?” _ _ _ _

____“No… Jesus…” Nick sighed, running a hand through his hair, clearly overwhelmed. “Luciana isn’t my girlfriend. I don’t know if we were actually that serious, I just...” He scoffed and took a deep breath. “But she… She left. Back when we lived at the ranch, a long time ago… She left. And Troy…” He turned to look at his friend, peacefully sleeping at the seat beside him. “… Knows that.”_ _ _ _

____“Oh.”_ _ _ _

____“Yeah.”_ _ _ _

____“ _Yeah._ ” Dante laughed. “So there you have it. I don’t have to spell it out for you now, do I?” He smiled cleverly at Nick. “I suck at spelling in Spanish and I’m sure it’s gonna be even worse in English. But if you still don’t believe me, we can wake him up and ask–“ He stretched his arm out to reach for Troy’s._ _ _ _

____“No!” Nick hissed, pushing Dante’s arm back to his side and the boy couldn’t help but burst out laughing, which ended up waking up Troy from his nap anyways – much to Nick’s dismay._ _ _ _

____“What’re you two laughing about?” Troy mumbled, adjusting himself on the seat and then stretching. The nap had surely helped him rest a little bit after all the running around and the brain-bashing, but sleeping all cramped up in the front seat of an old pickup truck with two other guys could only provide so much comfort to someone as big as Troy._ _ _ _

____“Nothing. Nick’s just a little scared.” Dante teased and Nick glared at him._ _ _ _

____“Yeah, I mean, you _did _take your hands off the wheel so…” He shrugged, trying to seem as relaxed as possible.___ _ _ _

______“Scared, Nicky?” Troy chuckled. “Huh, that’s a first.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“There’s a first time for everything, right?” Dante nudged Nick with his elbow, exaggeratedly so and the boy did his best to laugh quietly in response, trying to hide how uncomfortable he actually was at that moment._ _ _ _ _ _

______Apparently, Nick had been wrong earlier and maybe shouldn’t have thanked the universe – or whatever – for having Dante and not Helena along for the ride, as he ended up proving himself to be a more… _uncomfortable_ company than her. But at least Troy slept for the worst part of it and they were almost there._ _ _ _ _ _

______It wasn’t long until the car was finally pulling up to the gates of the community, a collective sigh of relief coming from the three of them at the mere prospect of a good night’s sleep on their own beds – not after a hot meal from the kitchen and a cold shower, of course. But they could almost feel their muscles relaxing just from hearing the high-pitched sound of the old and rusty metal gates being opened – something that would be annoying any other time, but right now, seemed nearly heavenly._ _ _ _ _ _

______They checked in with some of the guys trading shifts at the gate and they agreed that Dante would park in front of the main office so they could unload the back while he talked to Pascoal. But first, he drove up to the lodge near the crops to drop the other two boys first so they didn’t have to walk all the way up there._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Sure you don’t need help unloading?” Nick asked, hopping off the seat and shutting the door, after Troy had already been out of the truck himself._ _ _ _ _ _

______“No, don’t worry.” The driver reassured him. “Some of those guys are trying to get on the team so they are very eager to please. I’ll take advantage of that. And it was your first run, so I’ll let you two have it easier this time.” He smiled at Nick, then hearing some noises coming from the truck-bed and turning around to the other side, looking out the window to check it out. “Everything okay in there?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Yeah.” Troy said, shutting back the bed of the truck. “Just picking up some stuff I left in the back.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Okay then.” Dante started the truck again, engine roaring. “I’ll have someone bring you two something to eat, okay? I’m being way too nice, but enjoy it while it lasts.” He finally stepped on. “See you two tomorrow.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______He waved one arm out at the two young men who still stood in front of the lodge watching him drive off for a few seconds, both of them quickly waving in response. Troy started walking towards the front door while Nick still looked out to the fields and the rest of the community, counting all the houses that still had their front doors wide open… The neighbors talking amongst themselves, laughing and having fun. It really felt like a place to call home. And he smiled._ _ _ _ _ _

______Nick turned around after hearing a loud thud behind him, coming from the front porch. Then another, a few seconds after. He squinted, trying to see what had made that noise. It was dark enough in the middle of the community, near all the other houses and main buildings; but down in the lodge, away from everyone else… It was even harder to see. And that’s when he saw Troy, plopped down a folding chair on the front porch, an empty one by his side._ _ _ _ _ _

______“What’s this?” Nick chuckled._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Well…” Troy started. “If I can’t get you to stop smoking that shit… At least, I got you a nice chair so you won’t smoke inside and get that smell on everything. And you won’t be hunching on my doorstep.” He shrugged mockingly. “Can’t save your lungs, but maybe I can spare your back.” He laughed._ _ _ _ _ _

______Nick dropped his gaze to his feet, scoffing at first as he tried to seem serious, but he proved unable to help himself and let out a laugh as well as he made his way to sit on the chair besides Troy._ _ _ _ _ _

______“That’s mighty thoughtful of you, Troy.” The younger boy said as he stepped on the porch and reached for the pack of cigarettes in his pockets, then placing one between his lips. “Might as well make use of it right now, thank you very much.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______The two of them sat in there for a few minutes, making small conversation about how the day had been for the two of them. Troy told Nick about all the brain-bashing, about how good it felt to be back in action and, as much as he tried to downplay his cheerfulness, if someone was to listen to him telling his story without paying much attention to the content of it – as it involved a lot of blood and violence – they could probably mistake it for a child talking about Christmas gifts or their plans for summer vacation, just going by his tone._ _ _ _ _ _

______After Nick had already heard Troy tell him almost every possible detail about every single infected whose head he had shot, slashed or bashed in that day, he went inside for a quick shower to finally clean the dirt and sweat off. After he was finished, Troy went in for his turn and Nick went back to the porch to smoke another cigarette as they waited for whoever it was that Dante was going to have bring them food._ _ _ _ _ _

______Nick sighed and flicked off the ash on to the floorboards, leaning back on the chair and closing his eyes for a second to rest. Just as he was dozing off, he heard the faint sound of car engine from a few miles away. He grunted and snapped his head back up to look at the car that approached the lodge, squinting to try and see who was driving._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Nick!” Diego called before he could even turn off the engine and open the door. “Dante… I just… I just saw him now…” He tried to explain and catch his breath at the same time and the younger boy couldn’t help but laugh at his desperation._ _ _ _ _ _

______“It’s okay, man.” Nick assured him. “We’re not that hungry. And we managed to shower and rest a little, so…”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“What?” Diego asked, still a bit breathless but now also clearly puzzled._ _ _ _ _ _

______“You said you just saw Dante now. He said he was gonna get someone to bring us food.” He explained. “Isn’t that why you’re here?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“What? No.” Diego shook his head and sighed, his breath having finally steadied a bit more. “I just ran into Dante now, I didn’t even know you guys went out today. Helena didn’t tell me you joined the team.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“It was a… A last minute thing. And just for today, I think.” Nick answered quickly, remembering the conversation he and Troy had with the girl a few hours earlier and holding back a smile._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Oh. Okay. Anyways…” He shrugged, indifferently – maybe he didn’t care as much as Helena had made it seem and now Nick was definitely smiling. “Then I said I was looking for you and he told me about the run, but said that you guys were back now.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“You were looking for us?” Nick raised his eyebrows a bit. “What’s up?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“There’s some people here to see you.”_ _ _ _ _ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, who do guys think might be there to see Nick?
> 
> Song of the chapter: How Could I Have Known - Keaton Henson
> 
> Alas, I have risen from the ashes! 
> 
> First of all, I'm SO sorry for having taken so long to update this fic. I had a tough time these past few months. I'm sure most of you know that by now, but I'm from Brazil and if you haven't heard about the elections here... Just look it up, I don't even have the emotional strenght to go into it. But I couldn't even think about anything else during September through November and then I was just depressed about it for a while. 
> 
> I was also very busy with school (which also envolves writing so it sucked up a lot of my time and creativity), life, freelance work and arrangements for studying abroad next year - fingers crossed. And of course, there's my great ol' mental health that just insists on fucking with my plans more often than I'd like. But now I'm back and already working on the next chapter. 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed the chapter, hope that you liked the song and I hope that you forgive me for taking an eternity to update and don't hate me by now. Most of all, I hope that you keep reading the fic because I have every intention of finishing it before season 5 starts and AMC ruins our lives by bringing Troy back - seriously, AMC? NOW??
> 
> Thanks, you guys! xx


	13. Beautiful Crime

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> READ CHAPTER NOTES AT THE END!!!

Nick follows Diego to Pascoal’s office, where people were supposedly waiting to see him. He couldn’t say who they were or what they wanted, just that some people arrived and asked for Nick. 

The two men walked for a few minutes, Diego being much calmer and collected than the young man besides him. Nick fidgeted with the lighter he had kept inside his pocket, scared of who exactly could be there looking for him. He knew who was most likely to not give up on tracking him down and getting back. He also knew the chances of whoever was waiting for him being anyone else but her, were actually close to non-existent. So he walked and mentally prepared himself for the worst. It’s not like he hadn’t handled that before.

“There she is…” Diego nodded his head toward the woman pacing nervously outside of the main office when they were finally close enough to be able to see someone there.

Nick squinted, trying to see more clearly who that was. Short brown hair, fumbling with a camera.

“Althea? What’s she doing here?” He glanced at Diego, who simply shrugged. 

Admittedly, Nick felt like a huge weight was lifted off his shoulders the minute he saw who was looking for him and, even if it was still very much confusing, as long as it wasn’t Madison, it’d be okay. 

As they got closer to the main office, another woman quickly walked out of the large wooden doorframes and joined Althea after stepping down the small set of steps. 

Fast pace, her expression a mix of impatience and worry. Her long black hair disheveled as she mumbled something to the other woman.

“Luci?”

“Nick!” She quickly turned her head and looked at him. She had pain in her expression, but relief at the same time.

“What are you doing here? Is everything okay?” The younger boy asked as he knew that, from their expressions, this wasn’t just a quick ‘hey we miss you’ visit. 

The two women glanced at each other apprehensively before facing him again. Luciana sighed and took a deep breath as she searched for words.

“Is he…?”

‘Oh. That’s what they came here for, then’, Nick thought. Errand for Madison. Of course. He should have known that was it. She had that kind of power over people.

“Is Troy alive?” He asked, slightly annoyed.

“Yes…” She affirmed quietly.

“Yes, he is alive. And well.” He huffed.

She let out a breath that almost seemed like she was relieved and, suddenly, Nick wasn’t so sure he had assessed the situation correctly.

“Have you…?”

“Have I what, Luci?” 

“Told him?”

“Told him? Told him what?” Nick was taken aback by her questions. Maybe really not understanding what she meant, maybe trying really hard to pretend he didn’t know…

“The reason why you came all this way to this place…” The woman explained quietly, almost inaudibly.

“The reason why I…” Nick mumbled to himself, annoyed. “Luci, why are you here? Did you get Althea to bring you all this way so you could see if he was really alive or what? Because it seemed like we were fine when I left… Did my mom ask you two to this? Listen, I don’t–“

“Alright, Nick. No. I’m sorry.” Luciana interrupts the younger man before he goes on an even longer rant. “That’s… That’s not why we came.” Her voice is hesitant. “It’s Alicia.”

Nick feels all the air leaving his lungs.

“Mel, he… Mel took Alicia.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, you guys. I didn't die. I'm here. Alive and (very very not) well! Life has been absolutely crazy. To sum things up, I was accepted in film school in Vancouver, so I moved to Canada at the beginning of the year and film school is definitely the most intense experience I've ever lived through and, as far as that and living in Canada goes, I couldn't be happier! Personal life sucks rn, but I really am living my best life. <3
> 
> THAT BEING SAID, I'm so sorry for disappearing right after promising to post more and more frequently. I had no idea this program would be this intense and that I'd have no time. I've been technically on break for the last 3 days but I still have work to do - just so you guys have an idea of how intense things are. Anyways... Here's a super tiny update while I'm working on the next two chapters so I can post them at the same time as a gift to you guys and big big thanks to whoever's still interested in this fanfic. I'm so sorry that this is so tiny after such a long time and having you all used to my 4k chapters lol. I promise it'll be worth the wait. 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading this and for sticking with me. <3
> 
> Song for the chapter is Beautiful Crime by Tamer.


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